Do you want to play

Do you want to play?
on sucha fine day
It would be foolish to say nay.
So just say yay
and we shall play all this fine day.

Hi Speakerskat!

Okay, some suggestions.

1. This is too short. I would add something like:
The sun is shining
The grass is green
And time just won't wait.
So lets go out to play.

2. You rhyme to much, and it is slightly annoying. The 'nay' sounds forced and unnesisary. Not everything has to rhyme. It sounds beter without.

For someone your age this is quite good actually. Just expand it a bit. PM me if you have any questions!

Ciao,
Kally

Hey there, speakerskat, and welcome. I hope you enjoy your stay here. :D

Kaywiia gave you some very good advice and brings up some good points; I would listen to her if I were you. In particular, this poem is very short. You could make it much longer. "Why is today such a fine day to play?" is a question you can answer and use to expand your poem.

Again, as Kaywiia already mentioned, you don't have to make your poem rhyme. Some of the best poems I've read are what is called free verse -- there are no rhymes or patterns, but the poem is still wonderful, often because there are no rhymes or patterns. Don't be afraid to experiment with your poetry; just be aware that before you can break rules for things like grammar and punctuation, you need to know how to use them and why the rules exist in the first place.

The best way to learn how to write poetry is to read it; if you haven't already read some poetry, it's a good idea to start. There are a lot of wonderful poets on this site who would be happy to help you improve, and there is a collection of poetry by famous poets in Poetry Database which you can find here.

Good luck with your writing, and I hope you stick around! :D

Strangely, this is probably the best thing I've read all day.

If you're actually ten, this is pretty wonderful. The slang aspect of it "sucha fine day" fits perfectly into a little ditty about playing outside.

If you sort out your punctuation, it would be even better, like this:

Do you want to play?
on sucha fine day
it would be foolish to say nay.
So just say yay
and we shall play all this fine day.

Your poem has more rhythm that most things on this site (whether unintentionally or not).

You repeat fine twice, might want to change that. "It would be foolish" seems almost too formal for something like this.

Hey there!
Welcome to YWS.

Anyway, about the poem. I love the shortness of it. It's crisp, to the point, vivid and has a settling rhythm. It's well structured and if you follow Firestarter's tips about punctuation this poem will be close-to-flawless for technical accuracy.

I enjoy the slang you've used aswell, brilliant.

Ben.