Little

Little

Little Suzy puts on her shoes,
looking pretty like little girls do:
little Suzy, too young to know,
that in a few years,
they'll steal her hope.

Little Suzy smiles for the camera,
glittering teeth like the moon --
Little Suzy, too frail, too hurt:
the ones she loved
would fail her most.

Little girls need to feel beautiful --
all your daughters,
love them whole --
don't you break them,
to remake them...
(Love your daughters and their souls.)

Little girls need to be held with love --
all your children:
wipe their tears and blood --
don't you hide them,
or despise them...
(Love your children like you should.)

Hello! This poem, overall, was decent. The first two stanzas were the weakest (in my opinion), but the latter two were much stronger. I liked the message as well as most of your syntax choices. Choosing to italicize Suzy, etc. I think was a mistake: if it was for emphasis, (musicality, perhaps?) then I think there are other ways to go about it.

The occasional rhymes and the the flow of the meter were very fluid, and added another strength to "Little".

A few more things. In the first stanza, last line, "they" is unclarified. Does "they" reference the shoes or the other little girls? Also, I'm left wondering about the second stanza: how is Suzy hurt? How did her loved ones fail her? I tried to get a little more depth out of your subtleties... the image that came to mind was that of a beauty pageant, the kind where participants are as young as six. Regardless, the poem was well written, and you got your message across of how important innocence is to childhood.

See you around,

–antimelrose

This is going to start sounding like a list.

I really like your idea,

I don't like the use of parenthesis. They are not very poetic, and are not needed. Just find a way to put those words that are in the parenthesis into the poem!

Your repetition of Suzy. I don't like repetition at all, and you use her name more than you need to. I would suggest calling her Suzy once in the beginning and in the rest of the poem, switching to her.

I don't like your unpoetic phrases. Where's the pizazz? The beautiful words that sway me into thinking you are the next Walt Whitman? Where are your metaphors and comparisons that help me realize what life is really all about? I suggest you find your own way of saying things and incorporating them into your poem.

I like it!

Classy

ette wrote:Little

Little Suzy puts on her shoes,
looking pretty like little girls do:
little Suzy, too young to know,
that in a few years,
they'll steal her hope.

Little Suzy smiles for the camera,
glittering teeth like the moon --
Little Suzy, too frail, too hurt:
the ones she loved
would fail her most.

Little girls need to feel beautiful --
all your daughters,
love them whole --
don't you break them,
to remake them...
(Love your daughters and their souls.)

Little girls need to be held with love --
all your children:
wipe their tears and blood --
don't you hide them,
or despise them...
(Love your children like you should.)

hey ette!
first i'd like to welcome you here. i hope you're having fun in yws.
i like the concept of this poem. i like how you described suzy, as young and innocent, and unaware of her surroundings. i think she's cute. i can imagine her.

i'd like to hear more from you.
keep it up.

`telle.

Hullo, Ette!


Okay, so, I like this poem, because it's simple, and pretty in some ways. Of course, I have my nitpicky things I don't like about it, haha, but I think this has potential.

The first two stanzas were good! The last two, not so much; instead of keeping up the description about Suzy, it turned too "preachy", and that detracted a lot of the poem for me. I wanted to know more about Suzy! And, probably just have the ending message subliminally contained, because when it's out obviously, it kind of spoils the poem, dear.


June