(E&iC) The Problem With it is.

I am here, (sorry for delay)

As a whole I thought it was very good. The paragraphs were pretty well structured. Obviously the main thing throughout is the humor. It certainly doesn't dissapoint. I really love the sentence order. I really don't have much to say, but its hilarious.

Please send me a PM or post on my thread if you post another column.

~DayDreams

Hi BenFranks. I'm here as requested.
Don't worry, I found this piece to be quite the little something, so I decided I might as well review a decent piece of work, right?
Alright, first of all. I am indian, born in India and moved to the U.S. so when you said "Indian food is a lie" I honestly felt a bit angry. Ahaha, but don't worry about that part.
Let's start of with a few details.
Most of the nitpicks have been picked already so we're good on that.
I just want to point out your punctuation. You have a couple long sentences that can easily be broken down into two.

Any'oo, after nicking India's spices our little Gordon Ramsay-like idiots who called themselves Chefs decided to hook up their obsession with cooking Roast dinners and butchering pheasants to attack the task of making up a plate using these little grain things some Navy boy had brung back from India.

This one is an example. I'm sure you can break this down. It's a lot easier for us to read and I think it flows better. But again, that's just my opinion.
Well, everything else pretty much has been said already so I don't think I'm going to go any further than this.
Just watch out for flow really...hmmm sorry! I don't know what else to say
This was entertaining though, I like the way you picked out names like Ramsay and all
See you around,

~Pink

Hey Ben,

As requested.

For Britain, America and the land of French people Indian food isn't Indian and we're all too naive or can't care anyless to notice. So, at the end of the day, it's a lie.

Probably better to just say "the French" as this sentence is clunky as it is.

You've asked for a critique on the style, and if you're going for the informal, rant-based column, then this is the right sort of angle. I'd suggest you read around the web for similar things by professionals (like Charlie Brooker at The Guardian, for example) to find some more ideas.

I'm not actually sure you're that persuasive, really. Your main argument is that the British Empire robbed India of its food and that we concocted a completely new cuisine ourselves. While this makes sense, you don't really press it. I think you could come up with some more humourous anecdotes and points. It's a little on the short side when coming up with reasons to believe your rant, as such. I'm not swayed to your view.

The reason why Indian food is a lie, is because back in the old days us evil gentlemen that are the Brits had a little organisation called the 'British Empire', which basically meant Britain's red carpet of trade and slave labour. Anyway, back in these days we owned little country called India, built up of rich people and slums. This little country was forced to give, more-so than trade, it's spice riches to the likes of big-man Britain. You may be thinking I have got my sizes mixed up, but you see this could be regarded as a metaphorical comparison if you read into it too much.



In short, Britain piked India of all it's bling.

This is what needs expanding -- this is the main part of the column. And it's a bit bare at the moment. Whack in some more jokes, more examples. The good thing about rant columns is you can pile it on, go too far, into hyperbole and it's okay because that's what this medium is based on -- exaggeration.

I imagine a lot of the above reviewers have struggled with the British vernacular throughout the piece, in the same way that I might struggle with a column filled with American references and slang. But the style is fine; it just needs MORE.

Fill it out!

Thanks everyone

Hey Ben! Here as requested.

I actually enjoyed this a lot. You have a nice point here, one that wouldn't go amiss in a newspaper column, and you've got some lovely parts of writing. However, I don't think that it's quite perfect yet.

The thing is, here you don't really hit the spot on the whole 'humorous, ranty column' thing. I think Jack linked you to one above, which is a wonderful one, and a really good representation of what they're generally like. Thing is, you jump around a little here. At times you have the sarcastic humour thing down, but at other times you sound kind of patronising. At other times, the humour sounds forced and it sounds a little silly.

I also agree with the idea of driving your point home more. At the moment, it feels a bit wishy-washy and not strong enough. With a piece of writing like this, you want to grab your point by the lapel and ram it down your readers' throats. It's supposed to be forceful. It's supposed to be over the top. But, at the same time, it's supposed to go to the heart of the issue and make people laugh. It can be a pretty tall order.

I think you've got a nice start here, but you do need to work on some things before it's ready. Nice one!

~Amy

Okay, thanks for the advice and review!
Ben.

Well that was very thought out. I can't say I know of anyone who would take the time to contemplate over these things. But it was interesting. Like I've said before, I think you have a very insightful writing style that could be very beneficial Keep writing!

Haha, thankyou and thanks for the feedback!
Ben,

So this one was not one of my favorites, it was quite confusing at times, and a lot of times I had to re-read paragraphs to try to understand exactly what you were trying to say. Perhaps you could go back through and see if you can get your point across more clearly.

I did however enjoy this line:

So, dear readers, from this I have summarised that Indian food is a lie and Fish curry is a dirty crime.

Keep writing, you obviously have a great sense of humor. You just need to refine it.

Thanks Moriah

Hey Ben, one problem you had (and I'm quite shocked nobody else picked up on it) is your 'it's'.
It's means "It is", and you had it in the title and several times throughout the body of your story. You should replace it with Its or Its'(but I'm not sure about the second one).
Anyways, I really enjoyed the rant, nicely written .
~Jenth

This piece was one of the funniest ones BenFranks has ever written. Ever. I thought this was hilarious.

And Ben, it IS a crime to put curry on fish.

Best,

The Minister of High Hopes

Haha, thanks for pointing it out Jenthura, I'll revise that.

Thankyou Minister, glad you enjoyed it

Anymore wise words?