Keeper of the Stones: Black Dragons (0)

Oh. My. Gosh. O.O Thank you all for your comments! It was a wonderful surprise!

Brii, Wolfdaemon, Durriedog, Legendaryrose, and giantslenate09 - Aw thanks so much, guys. Your comments were so nice. PS, sorry for bullying you into reviewing this Bryoneee!
Ranger Hawk, Thanks! I was worried that perhaps I had been too descriptive, and thus made it harder to read and not so clear. So thanks for that! ^^
Big_Cheesy_Grin - I should read some more of Pratchett! I've only read his children's books, I think. Everyone keeps recommending him. But thanks for the comment!
Hero! I found your advice very valuable, as I too hate it when that happens in stories. They make me want to reach through the book and slap them, or at least let the bullies triumph over them - which is the opposite to how the reader should be thinking.
Anyway, the bullies and lack of family make it easier for her to never want to return to Hujulin Kal. Also, the fact that it is indeed a somewhat primitive community makes her detest it even more later on. The children bully her for not only being unable to read and write, but because she's "different". The adults are able to deal with the anxiety her presence creates, but the children are unable to quell it, or know better, and so bully her so she doesn't stay close to them.
PS, how did you know Clara isn't the heroine?

Thanks everyone!

~Emma

Hey there!

I rarely go onto fantasy fiction so what a delight it was to be treated with something like this when I did! I think your characters have already provoked personal responses so it's kind'a captivating. I also love the language.

The ending is excellent.

I want to read more! Post more! XD
Keep up the writing and thanks for introducing me to fantasy fiction!
Ben

Now that was a wonderful chapter. I absolutely love fantasy, and I can say if this was a book at a store I would buy it without a second thought.

The black dragon part intrigued me. I can't wait to see the effects of this burn she received. I do, however, want to know more about the village and those who live there.

How do the villagers make money? How are the children treated by adults? What are the expectations for children? Great story, keep it up.

BenFranks! Thank you for your lovely comment! ^^ Fantasy fiction is amazing. You should definitely read more. C:

Drago101! Aw, thank you too! The village will be briefly explained later on... (: And Clara didn't actually receive any physical burns, it was just a metaphor to express the pain she was feeling. Maybe I should change it...

Oh, and I've posted Chapter One!

~Emma

Yes i was wondering how old these bullies were when I read the part about plunging Clara underwater... Unless this is a place ravaged by war or as hero stated, a "spartan community", kids wouldn't be that violent. But overall its great!!! PM me when you publish the next installment.

This was amazing!! Seriously, I have nothing bad to say. I just wanted to tell you, it really is awesome. Keep writing!
~Shaard

Your story was so awesome. I could imagine the ENTIRE scenario and feel the characters, and feeling and I really want to know what happens next and who the mysterious boy is.Your story was unbelievable I can not even describe how fantastic,amazing, and extraordinary.......

I think that this a good introduction to a story that can be developed

Wow, this is really good! I loved the flow of your writing, and everything seemed to really chain-in together perfectly.

I also liked the story base, how ever short it was. Enough to give us some info, but enough to leave us wondering. Again, really good.

I'm curious about the rest of the story, so I'll keep reading if there is ore, if not PM me for the rest.

Sorry it's taken me so long to thank you all - I've been out of the country for a while. Holiday.

TreeHugger12 - Both Clara and the other children don't have exact ages, they are somewhere between six and ten. Clara's probably closer to the six marker, and the others are closer to the ten one.

Unless this is a place ravaged by war or as hero stated, a "spartan community", kids wouldn't be that violent.

Really? Can you be sure of that? I know of one extreme scenario where two children, aged ten and eleven at the time, attacked two other children - dropping a sink on the head of one of their victims. Here's the article if you want to read it. WARNING: It's not pleasant reading. It's just to show not all children are sweet and innocent things.
But thank you for the review and for questioning certain aspects! It keeps me on my toes and stops me from getting too lazy. By the way, love your avvie. Is it you or just a random, crazy baby?
TigerShaard and skutter11 - thank you for your comments! Skutter - Do you mean the story should be developed or the introduction? I shall certainly be expanding on this idea, if that's what you mean. Although, perhaps not so much in the traditional fantasy set-up I've used here. Shaard - Thanks! ^^ I'll try and keep on writing this, but certain other projects are also demanding my attention at the same time.
nativecatcher- I think you just made my head expand to, like, three times its normal size. C: Ha, thanks for the lovely review.
WritingSpitfire - Thanks Spitfire! I'll keep you posted. At the moment I'm still working on chap three, and progress may be slow for quite a while due to the amount of work I've been given recently. ): Fun times.

Again, sorry for the amount of time it's taken me to thank all of you. But every word is appreciated!

~Emma

Hey, it's been a while. Just to let anyone who still wants to read this know that I've combined this with another idea, so I have a different first chapter. Here's the link to it. Also, Clara has been changed to Vara, and the other first chapter is deleted.
(:

Hey there! I'm here to review your novel

To start, I honesty wasn't expecting this piece to be as good as I found it. It's brilliantly written, it has a nice balance to it that is quite hard to find in general writing. When I started reading I was immediately swept into the story, and unfortunately, found little to be critical about.

The only thing I have to comment on is that the bullying of the children does seem incredibly violent. Generally children that violent have been rewarded at some point for displaying that kind of behaviour. If the adults are on her side, and this is a small community where the children would probably be more carefully watched over, where would they have picked it up?

"There was one final burst of laughter before they let go of each other’s hands and scattered like birds disturbed by a cat. The cat came in the form of raindrops as they fell from the sky like tears." - Use of similes is really good for both explanation and imagery, but using too many or putting them too close together has the complete opposite effect, and will probably make the meaning seem much more vague.

Quick question: This is labelled part (0), would that be the first chapter or the prologue? It could work as either, depending on part one, which I will now move on to review.