An Eternal Story

We walk forwards to the field,
Every man's hands concealed.
-
Rising smoke comes up at once,
Ultimate prices on the line,
Let our enemies fall but not our own,
Even if it's their time.
-
Though history just loops itself,
Heartless beings on leaves of the tree,
Endings always seem original.
-
Dawn sky matches the red of the field,
And in the end they all die anyways,
Yet down the lines, each beginning orderly tells our end.

I think you're off to a good start. I only say a good start, though, because to me, that's all this is (and I swear I'm not trying to be mean). This needs quite a bit of work. I wasn't entirely sure what this was about, first of all. I'm going to guess a war, and if it is it wasn't very clear. You could easily clear it up with more stanzas, though.

Now onto grammar. There were a couple places where you tacked on an unnecessary 's' onto the end of a word. Like here:

Litehawk wrote:We walk forwards to the field

and here:

Litehawk wrote:And in the end they all die anyways,

Forwards and anyways aren't really words, but forward and anyway are.

This line is really awkward:

Litehawk wrote:Heartless beings on leaves of the tree,

I don't know, I just found that hard to read. I think it would work better as "Heartless beings on the leaves of trees." Furthermore, I'm really not entirely sure how it fits into the poem. It seems like you just stuck that line in the middle of the stanza to fluff it up and fill it out. I can guarantee you that the stanza would be just fine as, "Though history just loops itself, / Endings always seem original." (By the way, I really loved that last line ^^).

The rhythm's a bit off in this line:

Litehawk wrote:Even if it's their time.

In my opinion, it would read better if you just wrote out the contraction (i.e. change it's to it is).

Really, that's all I have to say. I think this is really a good start, though, even if it sounds like I didn't like it (really, I did). With some work this can be a really great piece!

~Becki

Did you solve the riddle within the poem?

... There's a riddle? *is extremely unobservant* Well, now I'm off to search for what, with my stupid riddle-inept brain, will undoubtedly be hours to find the riddle and then figure it out...

Here's a hint. Look at the last line, that's the riddle

... Ohhh, I get it now. That's extremely cool! Great idea!