Shifters: Chapter 1

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Chapter 1

Fallen leaves scattered to the winds as I ran, my sneakers slapping hard onto the ground. My face was getting chilled and my hair messy from the cold autumn breeze that came at the speed I was going. But I couldn’t, wouldn’t stop. I sprinted like my life depended on it. Inquiring minds would probably want to know why?

I was running late for school.

I managed a quick glance up and was able to see a fraction of the school’s rooftop, the remainder being hidden behind the mass of multicoloured trees. Almost there. Finally, after a minute or two, I’d made it out of the forest, passed through the football field and onto the school yard. I paused just in front of the red brick building and took a few gulps of air. As my breathing receded to normal, the first bell echoed loudly throughout the area. Still got five minutes. I combed my fingers through my strawberry-blond hair and stepped inside. Immediately I was pounced upon by a hundred and twenty pound lioness, also known as my best friend CJ.

“Crys, you bitch!” she screeched.

I glared back at her. “Claire-Anne Jean!” I smirked when she made a face. She hated her name with a passion. I had to admit it sucked to have a name like that, but it was a good way for me to make her do things when I wanted her to. It was an all powerful leverage, but it had its limits. Add Thibeault after that and you would get the hardest blow to the face from her. Yeah, she had issues. So when I first became her math tutor, which I might add, had been the worst decision of my life (She had what she called LAL’s disease, for Lazy And Lousy), I’d nicknamed her CJ and it had stuck, for everyone. Somehow we became best friends after that, and still were, two years later.

“How many times do I have to tell you? Bitch is not a word of endearment!”

She backed away a little and put her hands on her hips. “I was using it for its proper meaning this time.”

“Oh. Then why are you mad at me so early in the morning?”

Her eyebrows shot up. “You haven’t seen him yet?”

“Since I just got here, that would be a no.” I moved past her and walked over to my locker. “And who are you talking about, exactly?”

“The new exchange student from Japan. He came here to study French for a year. And OH-MY-GOD is he ever hot.” She took on a weird predatory smirk. Not good. That meant she was either planning on how to sleep with the guy, or how to turn him into her own lap-dog. She was known as a man-eater.

I took out my English books, through my bag inside, shut the door and put the padlock. “He must really be something if you’re getting all...idealistic.” We rushed through the crowd of people to get to the classroom.

“Oh yeah, he’s definitely going to win the popularity contest...if we ever have one. Plus, guess who gets to sit beside him? YOU! That’s why every girl wants to strangle you right now.”

“Gee, I feel so overjoyed.” I thought about the class arrangement. We’d had our seats assigned to us at the beginning of the year, the classroom being organized mainly of two-by-two rows of desks. The guy who’d sat beside me had changed schedules. So that happened to be the only available desk. Interesting...

“...promise me you won’t dump me for him?!” CJ pleaded.

I laughed. “I didn’t know we were dating.” I got a rolling of eyes for reply.

We stepped into the classroom just as the second bell rang. I spotted a mob of girls and guys around my desk talking to someone, although I couldn’t see who. I motioned to CJ. “I would never –“I stopped short. The horde surrounding my desk had reduced, leaving a big enough gap for me to see the gorgeous guy – no, man was a better word – that sat there.

Short blond hair, pale blue eyes, flawless tanned skin, broad shoulders, well developed muscles, all nicely put into a pair of very fitting black jeans and a blue chemise. Maybe I SHOULD trade her up for him. I shook my head mentally. Friends came before guys. Always.

Dream boy glanced warily up as pretty brunette Bianca Carpenter suddenly sat on his desk, way too closely to him, and in such a provocative way that everyone else backed off and went to their own places. Poisonous snake.

We’d been friends once, until she’d slept – intentionally - with the guy I’d been trying to get a date with. Only I’d found that out after he’d tried to have sex with me. So I’d stayed away from them thereafter. Then they’d discovered a passion for being nasty to me, along with some friends, but I would never let them get to me.

I certainly wasn’t going to leave a poor new guy to be fed to this particular shark. I walked over to my desk and glanced at her. “I do remember that your place is at the other end of the room. Don’t you?” My face might have looked innocent, but even I could hear the edge to it.

“Actually, I think Miss Bison made changes. I’m quite comfortable on the table here.” She smiled at dream boy.

I rolled my eyes, enough for anyone to see. “The only place you’re ever comfortable in is inside a guy’s pants. And I don’t think we want to traumatize the foreigner just yet.”

The entire class had been listening and everyone burst out laughing. Bianca’s face turned a deep red, but she lifted her head high and marched her skinny five foot two body back to her desk.

I couldn’t help but smirk. Two years ago I would have never been deliberately mean to someone. I’d been raised almost like a debutante, to be polite to everyone, to the point of almost being snobbish, CJ had repeatedly said. Thanks to her and lots of practice, I’d changed and was able to stick up for myself now. So when it came to Bianca, I could hang the rules for a little while.

I glanced down to dream boy beside me. He stared right back at me. “Sorry for that.” I muttered, feeling unexplainably shy. Placing my books on my desk, I installed myself and turned back to him.

“My name’s Anthony Blair. You are?”

“Crys,” I squeaked. “I mean, my name’s Crystal Evans.” I laughed nervously.

He smiled widely, showing dimples at the corners of his mouth. I gulped. “Nice to meet you Crys, I’ve been waiting my entire lifetime for you.”
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Haha! Well, you seem to have already gotten quite a good review - I can not find anything else to add, great job, tell me when you post the 2nd chapter...

Love you xx




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Hi Spitfire!
Tanya's sister? That's really cool!
I'll be reviewing this piece for you today and hopefully I help ahaha.
So let's get started!
Immediately I was pounced upon by a hundred and twenty pound lioness, also known as my best friend CJ.

So I suggest you take out her weight here. It makes you think she's huge even though she's only 120 pounds, you know?
I took out my English books, through my bag inside

Do you mean threw? :)
I laughed. “I didn’t know we were dating.” I got a rolling of eyes for reply.

Comma after laughed. You can combine that. Dialogue sentences like:
I laughed, "I didn't know we were dating."
I laughed. "I didn't know we were dating," I replied sarcastically.
“I mean, my name’s Crystal Evans.” I laughed nervously.

Note the above. Comma after Evans.
_____________________________________________
Overall
Okay so you have an interesting set up here but I think it sounds a little like Twilight.
But I'm not going to judge that right now, it could just be something else.
I like your characters, they're fun and interesting and make me laugh so yay! No boring people! My only concern is the last quote. I mean, entire lifetime seems a little too much to say, especially when they first meet but I'm thinking that's going to change in the part like, he's just kidding or something. I don't know, it just jumped at me a little too fast.
Other than that you have a solid piece and I'd like to see where you're going with this so don't hesitate to PM when you've got the next part out :D

~Pink
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Hey Pink, thanks for her review :D The lifetime thing will be explained later on, I read her notes about this and it's got nothing on Twilight, don't worry about that...PRetty fed up with all that -not-very-original-vampire-stories, eh? :D

Tanya




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Just a quick comment. Sorry it took so long!

Overall I really liked the way this chapter was presented. The description of rushing to school was adequate as well as the description of her best friend. Although we (the reader) didn't get anything more about her shape shifting powers I could tell this chapter was intended to give some more information on what her daily life is like and what her personality is. I am not sure what the guys purpose is yet, but you have also already described him. The cliffhanger at the end was a really nice touch and now hopefully you will post the next chapter soon.

~DayDreams
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Thanks for the reviews guys!

As for the Twilight thing, it might seem similar now, but it definitely isn't. I don't want a repeat of that! I enjoyed the books, but I'm really sick of hearing about it! :smt002
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Hey there WritingSpitfire! Sorry it took me a few days after the PM but I'm here now! :)

Well I really love your characters and their interactions. Crys and CJ sound like they are real and remind me of my own group of friends. They aren't your Mary-Sue characters that end up in novels nowadays. So great job!

Watch out for your mean girl, Bianca. It is really easy to fall into the cliche queen bee character. Give her a reason for being the way she is, give her dimension. And don't lose sight of that dimension. Flat characters are boring characters.

The ending intruiged me. I kind of like the whole "I've been waiting my entire lifetime for you" thing. Thought it seems a little odd or even cliche, I don't feel it here. To me it even sounds like he could be trying to use some lame pick-up line on her. I'm interested to discover the real meaning behind those words.

So great job! Keep writing!

-Lauren
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Hey there! I was drawn into your story pretty immediately. School stories aren't things I usually read, but this one caught my interest and I already like CJ. :D Your description in the first few paragraphs is excellent, I loved it. I've never read Twilight, so I'm not sure exactly how it compares, but it did cross my mind that the premise reminds me of it; school story with a very good-looking new guy, I think anything starting like that from now on will be marked as sounding like Twilight, unfortunately. :roll:

But anyways, I'm very intrigued by your story, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes! :D
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I liked it but the begining was going to draw me out. Just too cliche. It was good description and all but Iv'e seen it a million times. First say your running in some form, the describe the weather, then how EXACTLY the leaves are falling and such. Seen it. And the end did remnd me of Twilight, super hot dude picks the average Jane girl and says some sort of mesmerizing statement. I saw the rest of the reviews and I know it's not going to be like Twilight so *whew* thank god for that.

OVERALL

I liked it alot. Want to see more of it soon!


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Woah a fifteen year old girl who hasnt read twilight! I am inpressed.

BTW: I personally love criticism, but what I cant stand is when the people I let read my work, wether it is my friends or people on the forum, compare it to another popular book or movie. It just agrivates me especially if I haven't read the book or watched the movie. For the writer (or at least me) I know a bit about where the story is going and so I know it will be completly different then said book/movie, but everyone else doesnt. Sorry if I seem harsh in anyway to anyone.
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Three things:
1. You said the foreign exchange student was from Japan, but in your description he sounded white.
2. You also put that he was there to learn french, but then you mentioned Crys taking out her English books. Does English class happen in France? I honestly don't know.
3. The last line was a little soap opera-y for my taste. If someone said that to me I would think they were a freak and transfer classes. :)

I like your characters and I think this has a lot of potential.
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Add Thibeault after that and you would get the hardest blow to the face from her
I don't think you need that last part

So he is a white boy who lived in Japan but had gone to...I'm going to guess America...to learn French? Just so I am clear cause that confused me a bit.

I really like the banter between the two main female characters. It's very life like and it does make you think about the CJ in your own life because lets face it, everyone knows someone just like CJ


GREAT!!!! Cliffhanger!!!


I can't wait to see the next instalment of your story.




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I really liked this. Your main character seems very realistic.

Crys, you bitch!” she screeched.


At first I thought that was a typo, and you meant "Cry." I didn't realize that was her name until the end.

“The new exchange student from Japan. He came here to study French for a year.


This confused me, too. Is this story taking place in America, or France? Because you mentioned an English book a few sentences later... but who goes to America to learn French?
I took out my English books, through my bag inside, shut the door and put the padlock on.


She smiled at dream boy.


I think "dream boy" should be capitalized, since that's the name she's calling him in her head.
“My name’s Anthony Blair. You are?”


Anthony Blair isn't a Japanese name.

“Nice to meet you Crys, I’ve been waiting my entire lifetime for you.”


Is he kidding, or is he serious?

Anyways, I liked this. There were just a couple little mistakes here and there, nothing too big or distracting. Nice job! :)
“Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” Anton Chekhov




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Hey everyone! Thanks so much for all the comments!

I know it doesn't make sense now, but if you read the next chapter, it explains that he's not Japanese, he's actually American. As for the location, they are in Quebec, Canada, where we speak French and English :D

Mostly, if you read the next chapter it explains itself.
Thanks again!
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I did enjoy this and I swear that the way you wrote this made it sound like high school all over again. I love the main character Crys and I can not wait to see where she and this new boy go



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