light will be my stepping stone.

Light
will be
my stepping stone.

From inflamed grounds
to glorified mountains.
Translucent stairways
form and crumble
with each passing step.

As I aspire to "greatness"
walking on would-be
broken memories
that yield faded faces
lost carnations
and black roses.

From tombs of damned
times and engravings
of dated missing happiness.

From my destroyed
body to my proliferated
soul. I've found the end
with light as my stepping stone.

Wow. I really liked this, I think it's really nice. It gives me a positive feeling, focusing on the good, and not the bad, learning from past mistakes. But it also brings an important message to my attention; Light does not always equate to good, just as darkness does not always equate to evil.

Good job, keep writing!

~Mo.

This is the poem you've been waiting to write for a while Ed. I congratulate you for getting to it. It's marvelously done and no ellipsis! =D Zomg yay.

As I aspire to "greatness"
walking on would-be
broken memories
that yield faded faces
lost carnations
and black roses.

Definitely my favorite stanza. Lovely.

Always keep writing.

Kamas

Oh, Eddie, I absolutely love this one. It feels, to me, more mature than some of your others (although that might just be the lack of ellipses! ) But well done, it's really beautiful.

From inflamed grounds
to glorified mountains.
Translucent stairways
form and crumble
with each passing step.

Wonderful.

Keep it up, Ed!

~Amy

I seriously think this is my favorite one of yours. Ever.


Okay, so your poem left me wondering one thing, and I'm not sure if it is the thing you want me to be left with. I was just wondering why you put 'greatness' in quotations? I mean, this is your own poem, and you are talking about yourself, or at least the narrator is, so the narrator would have his own opinion of 'greatness?' So I was trying to relate this poem to political, social, anything events that you could be talking of and now my mind is spinning! haha

Still thinking, Classy.

This was awesome Eddie! You are officially my poet idol! this is m favorite part!

Translucent stairways
form and crumble
with each passing step.

I just think that is so beautiful and how you wrote it you put a picture in my mind! I love it Eddie!

~Forest

Hello Eddie!

Great job here, but I'm rather biased. This if one of my favorite forms of poetry. I enjoy poetry that shows us something the writer feels, but still leaves room for interpretation, rather than poems with a crystal clear subject.

Light
will be
my stepping stone.

with light as my stepping stone.

This repetition is beautifully built upon so that it makes perfect sense. I think you did a great job, but maybe you could consider changing the title?

From inflamed grounds
to glorified mountains.
Translucent stairways
form and crumble
with each passing step.

This is my favorite stanza!

As I aspire to "greatness"
walking on would-be
broken memories
that yield faded faces
lost carnations
and black roses.

I think this one might use some more punctuation to help clear up the flow. But I absolutely love your wording here.

From tombs of damned
times and engravings
of dated missing happiness.

This stanza makes my imagination fly. I adore it and it leaves me curious.



Bravo! That's all.

Like everyone else, I really, really enjoyed this! I thought it was a great message that you conveyed beautifully. It's hard to pick, but I think this is my favorite line:

silented1 wrote:From my destroyed
body to my proliferated
soul. I've found the end
with light as my stepping stone.

It really ended the poem on a great note!

The only thing I think that would make it better was what RedSmiles said about adding some more punctuation in the third stanza.

Really, truly great work here! I loved it!

~Becki

Aww, everyone else said what I wanted to say. I didn't even know it was you, I was just interested by the title!

*stars!*

Wait, it's 'Like' now... what are we, Facebook??? Anyway. *Likes!*

~Durrance

Everyone loves you Eddie. I love this poem.

Very well done. You're a genius

My Favourite stanza...? Hmm, *ponders in thought*.

I think it'll be this one:

silented1 wrote:
From inflamed grounds
to glorified mountains.
Translucent stairways
form and crumble
with each passing step.

This is like a world of perfection, yet with imperfections and I love it

Ben.

silented1 wrote:Light
will be
my stepping stone.

From inflamed grounds
to glorified mountains.
Translucent stairways
form and crumble
with each passing step.

As I aspire to "greatness"
walking on would-be That little dash annoyed me...I don't think it's needed. Remove it.
broken memories
that yield faded faces
lost carnations
and black roses. I don't like the flower reference....sorry, dude.

From tombs of damned
times and engravings
of dated missing happiness.

From my destroyed
body to my proliferated
soul. I've found the end
with light as my stepping stone.

This is amazing. I couldn't think of anything, really, that was wrong. Eddie--great work. Please don't ask me to be brutal on your poems because I can't....too good *is burned by awesomesauceness*
Tata!
-Rainie

Heeeey, Eddie! 1100th review, as promised.

Let's see, I like this, for plenty of reasons, namely because it comes off stronger than your others, carries on strongly and has a trifold meaning that's easy to get.

From inflamed grounds
to glorified mountains.
Translucent stairways
form and crumble
with each passing step.

I think the period needs to go and maybe can be replaced with a comma? Also, while I like both of these images a lot, do they fit together well?

As I aspire to "greatness"
walking on would-be
broken memories
that yield faded faces
lost carnations
and black roses.

I like the the would-be broken memories, and I don't. I know what you're saying, but it confuses. Can you reword?

From my destroyed
body to my proliferated
soul. I've found the end
with light as my stepping stone.

(Here would be a nice place to have a nice little talk with you about using big words like proliferated, sir. )

At any rate, I like this closing! It seals the poem well, and on an optimistic note.

Great job! Keep it up!

June

I really like this, but I have liked others better. Not to be the mean reviewer haha. It got stronger as it went on and I liked that but in the second stanza it really changes, I don't know why I didn't like that but that's the way my brain works I guess. Other than that I loved it.

I like the title "light will be my stepping stone". GOOD JOB BRO!

Hi there.
So, I'm finally here. I'm a bit (okay, really)sick and am a bit bleary eyed here, but ready to review. So, this may be due to my pathetic, helpless, zombie state, but I'm going to be the downer in this mix of reviews. While I really did like this piece, I think that you can definitely do more with it. So, some main points, first of all. (I'm probably going to jump around a lot. Sorry.)

1. Structure:
Now, your structure felt a bit odd to me. This oddness was especially evident in the first stanza-- you have a simple statement but have made it almost choppy. The words themselves feel like they should be much smoother; it depends on how you want the character's gait to be. Do you want their rising to the light to be a smooth travel or a jumpy one? Right now, it feels like it's a rough travel, but your words seem to reflect almost the opposite of that. It might be a small thing, but it's there.
The structural oddities are in the entire piece, though I think that they are more noticeable because of that first stanza.

2. More Structure Stuff (Punctuation and whatnot)
Your punctuation/rhythm kind of bothered me. This goes along with structure a bit, though the point above was more about line breaks than anything else. You've created this almost-list, that I'm assuming reflects the feeling of a stone. Each stanza represents one step forward, yes?
I think that while this is a really nice concept, it needs to be worked on a little bit. Fragmented sentences are a little pet peeve of mine in poetry. They can work sometimes, but usually with stand-alone words or to create emphasis for something. In your case, you use them more for a list type of structure, which really irks me. So, I'm sorry to say, it was a bit distracting. To really take in all of your words, I read them in context several times, and then read them out, and focused solely on the words, rather than everything else, and really enjoyed it then. It was just the structure driving me nuts.
There are some parts where I just have trouble following what you're saying because of the punctuation. For example:

broken memories
that yield faded faces
lost carnations
and black roses.

While these are all effective words and spin some nice imagery, the last three lines don't really make sense.


Last thing:
No one else addressed this, from what I saw with my small skim of the other reviews, but I found this piece very vague. Filled with gorgeous imagery and a nice concept, yes, but where is the personal part of this? Where can we relate? Provide some stability and show us what the light is, what the darkness is, why it is so incredibly important that you make it to the end. What exactly is at risk? I found it more difficult to engage because I didn't really have anything concrete to em/sympathize with. I'm assuming it's about the ascent to heaven (and I could be wrong, because I'm terrible at interpretation), but you offer no real... concreteness. Maybe make a few heavenly references. Or, references to whatever it's about. If that's too blatant, then offer some more personal imagery that would allow the reader to engage more. Just a thought.

Overall: good job. I really like your imagery. Your lines and rhythm could use a bit of work I think, but your language itself is beautiful. Great piece.

-Coral-