Who am I?

I asked my mother who I was,
She said I was her daughter

I asked my father who I was,
He said I was his little girl

I asked my sister who I was,
She said I was her annoying sister

I asked my friend who I was,
She said I was her best friend

I asked my self who I was,
And I realised I didn't know

Hi greeneyes! I'm Kat, and I'll be reviewing, okay?

So, I wanted to say how lovely this was. This was so good, that I haven't found anything wrong with. Even the punctuation is flawless! The simplicity of this piece is what is most striking. It's believable, and still very emotional. So, I'll click that gold start thingy I can read this over and over again and still think it's great! Amazing. I never thought I'd enjoy a piece like this so much. So, great job!

Thanks for posting and sorry this review wasn't even slightly constructive xD
- Kat

I liked this poem because I could really relate to it. It is hard to determine who I am when all of my roles are removed. My only critique is very minor and easily remedied:

I asked my sister who I was,
She said I was her annoying sister
I asked my friend who I was,
She said I was her best friend

This stanza is very redundant. You have sister/sister and friend/friend. Could you possibly come up with different words to describe your relationship here? For Example:

I asked my sister who I was,
She said I was an annoying brat
I asked my friend who I was,
She said I was her companion for life

(Granted this is a poor example, but you get the idea) Keep writing! =D

From this poem and clearly tell that this thought was one you get sometimes when you are not so busy.

Though each one has his/her identity such as daughter,friend,teacher,sportsperson we often don't know who we are when we ask the questions to ourselves.Sometimes that makes us feel totally disconnected from the rest of the world.

Who am I?Probably one of the few questions you won't get an answer to if you ask yourself.

Long time since someone wrote about an abstract thought.

Thanks for the positive feedback, I like the suggestion for the line for the sister, what about for the friend;
She said I was her keeper of secrets
Or something along those lines?

Hellooo!

So I liked this. Short, sweet, to the point, yet so full of truth. I saw that Moriah said she can relate to that; I think nearly everyone can relate to that.

Your suggestion for the friend one is good. A keeper of secrets; that's what anyone would want a friend to be, so yes.

I'm weirding myself out, because for the second time tonight, everyone has already covered my nitpicks and all I have to say are good things.

You get a star!

Thanks for posting; take care and keep writing.

Hello i'm Layla.! I like you poem first off. It wouldve been great if you wouldve added more to it and gave it more emotion. But overall great.

Hey there,

This may not be too bad of a start, but I don't like it because it's short, lamenting-tone-ish, and at the end brings us to no positive resolution, so (cue a dramatic sigh) it's depressing.

I think you need to elaborate, because if you remove your enjambment it sounds like you're just reciting a clip from a story to us, and that's sadly very boring. Take a minute, dear, and look more into this -- describe characteristics of this person.

With that said, poetry by no means does not have to be elaborated on, and can be short, and concise like this, but think of what your audience likes to see as you write.

June

Hi!
Thanks for your review, im going to try and review yours.
I think whats great about the poem is its simplicity . its short and sweet and gets the message accross. The punctuation is perfect and it sticks in your mind. thanks for writing this .

It's my first time reviewing (is that the correct term?) another's poem on here, so bear with me...

I really liked that it was short and broken into the different stanzas. I sometimes find myself drifting on longer poems.

GreenEyes wrote:I asked my self who I was,
And I realised I didn't know

I can completely relate to this. Especially within the last year or so. It seems like I am having trouble finding where I fit in so this hit home.

I agree with Moriah in that the stanza with friends and sister is redundant. However, I think your new suggested line of "She said I was her keeper of secrets" is a bit much. I like the idea of secret keeping, but maybe said a different way would be better.

I still really liked it Thanks!

Nice poem. It really captured how lost some people feel to themselves, when it seems nobody knows just who they are under the surface. This was really pretty, in a subtle way. It was melancholy, but meaningful, just like how poems of this style should be.

Nice job!


--Dreamy115

Short but to the point. I can relate, it seems like your something to everyone else but yourself, because you aren't quite sure who you are. Keep writing!