Young Writers Society

It's beautiful; it's ugly
You show it; you burry it inside you
Feeling over joyed; crushing your heart
Burning in your soul; you're sitting on a cloud
It's lifting you up; it's holding you back

messed up on the 4th line, the two points should be switched.

You have quite a bit of work to do on this piece... I really liked the last line, but the whole stanza was a mess... It was confusing, and too simple. I know love as an inspiration feels amazing, and it compells you to write, but perhaps going into more detail could really make this piece great. I look forward to seeing your revision

Heyo!

I agree, you do have some work to be done. It really is a good start, but it's far too short and too simple. Go into detail! Why is love beautiful? Why is it ugly? Why can it crush your heart but let you float in the clouds?

You have some good ideas, but you need to work with it to make it your own. There are thousands of other writers out there who are writing about the same thing you are. Make it stand out from the rest.

Happy editing.

~blu

Hi Bailey! I'm Kat, and I'll be reviewing.

So, first, this is really short so there's not much to review. But like they always say, better quality than quantity? Or whatever it was like that xD I'm sorry to say you lack both of them in here. Quantity, because this needs more development. You need to add something to this poem. Anything. I can't feel anything, and it doesn't even tell a story! It sort of describes the effects of love, but not in depth nor with much meaning. In quality, just because of that. Nothing a bit of a refresh and editing spree to the poem can't fix.

Give it a second thought, expand the ideas. Get more into it

Thanks for posting!
- Kat

Hello there, Boo!

It's beautiful; it's ugly >Ah. Beautiful and ugly: common, garden variety words. So I see that you think love is two-faced, but using such weak, overused words like that makes it seem like love is just...there. Really it's an emotion that never fails to amaze; why do you think it's been immortalized by artists of all types since, well, forever ago? If you want to make something seem like it means something to you, you want to give it high praise. For instance, I would say that love is "resplendent" and "revolting." Hm...I kind of like the alliteration there, too! Go into your thesaurus and find synonyms that reverberates in your very atoms that describes how you feel about love.

You show it; you burry it inside you >"You show it" isn't enough. If it weren't too cliche, you could stand atop Everest and scream it down the mountaintops with one of those horns they have in the Ricola commercials so that it makes the foundations crumble. "Burry" should be "bury," but this is also overused. You could hide it like a five-year-old hides the last cookie from his sisters.

Feeling over joyed; crushing your heart
Burning in your soul; you're sitting on a cloud
It's lifting you up; it's holding you back >I'd have to say the same for these last lines, but I'm done being redundant in here.

All of these phrases are more than a bit cliche. You don't have to go far to change them and make them have more impact, though! Just sit down and take these phrases one at a time. Think about each one long and hard and think about what it is in life that might compare to this feeling. If it takes a long time to choose one thing, so be it. If you're torn between two, use both. Get creative, because that's what poetry is about!

There has to be something in the world that makes you feel beautiful, and something that makes you feel ugly; same with the rest of the adjectives you've used. Find it in yourself. I know you can!

Just don't ever get discouraged, and don't ever let someone give you that feeling. Keep trying your best. So I want you to try this poem again so I can read how you've progressed. If you need help, PM me, or anyone else, really! This could be good if you put more heart into it.

Take care and listen to your emotions when you write!

Hi there, I'm Grin.

Right. Well, this was a little short, but it was sweet and with some work it will be rather nice. It could really be elongated, you've not put an awful lot of substance into it.

All the problems I can think of have been mentioned above. I think that you're using some very cliched phrasing, but that can be sorted out quickly.

The other thing is

messed up on the 4th line, the two points should be switched.

There's an icon above your own posts that says "Edit". If you click that, you can change what you've posted.

I'm sorry that I can't be more constructive.

I hope I was helpful at some point.
~Grin

Hello!

I like this but it is too short and sweet. Love is very complicated and one stanza just dosn't cover it. Also the word 'burry' should be 'bury' with one 'r'.

Just have a quick re-draft! You do need to tweak a few things but I think they have been mentioned above so I wont bother going into detail. This has the potential to be good, it just needs a few changes and some more added onto it.

Keep Writing,
~Lydia

I think this piece needs a bit of work, but I like it. You have made love confusing, bad and good. Although, if I hadn't read the title, I would have no idea what the poem would be about.

A little bit of fixing up could be good, but I liked it. Good job!

Keep Writing

~Mo.

Hey, Bailey! Long time, no see.

This is cute; I like the description of love, but why make it so outward? If you had used first person and said "I", I would appreciate this a lot more than I am. "You" is an outward gesture, and you're not making it clear if you're directly speaking to someone, so I'm taking it as a general addressing of the audience.

You shouldn't, dearie. Make them personal to you or something because, here you're telling us what to feel, and seldom can this be done excellently. If you want your audience to feel for you, let them imagine thier own feelings.

Juneth

Wow, after all these reviews you've still yet to edit it =/