Four Letters

Love.
A word that is strong.

Hate.
A word that is thrown.

Fear.
A word that is dead.

Best.
A word that is only.

Rest.
A word that is slept.

Look.
A word that is told.

Hear.
A word that is yelled.

We are strong,
when others are weak,

We are thrown,
though surely not beaten,

We are not dying,
but will stay by each other,

We are not only,
but sisters and brothers,

We are sleeping,
and still awake,

We are telling,
keeping close by,

We are not yelling,
when needed to abide.

We are friends,
we hold through the hardest.

If we lose that,
we lose all that's honest.

Spoiler

Tell me what you think this is about!! Is it any better??

Hi there icanbefixed. I'm Conrad Rice, and I'll be your reviewer for today.

So, I'm afraid that I don't see what your poem is about. It just seems like a bunch of descriptions of four letter words with nothing to really tie it together. I think you should do something about that. If you have a theme, try a bit better to weave it throughout this work. Because, as it is, I'm not seeing it.

It's a decent start. You just need to work with this a bit more. PM me if you have any questions or comments.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

Hey there!

All right, I'm going to have to agree with Conrad on this piece. You see, you have a wonderful grasp of pattern. Your idea of using all four letter words is a good one and you stuck to the pattern well, which I appreciated about this piece. Nice job with that. However, pattern seems to be all you're considering here. The theme is not shining through and I don't understand how it all flows together! So don't give up on pattern--that is coming along! But really think about what you are trying to say and how you can make it flow together without jarring the reader, okay?

Nice start! Keep writing and PM me if you have any questions!

Hello,

I am forced to agree with Conrad and WD for this one. The 4 letter word pattern worked really well but without a theme it just didn't gel. I find it difficult to understand what you are trying to say but with a few tweak here and there you shoul dbe able to fix this. I won't say any more because its pretty much been covered. Good Work though I thought that the pattern was very good and it wasn't lost.

Good Luck with improving this, Keep Writing
~Lydia

I have to disagree with everyone else, I think you forced the pattern and the rhyme. I think that might be the reason why it is difficult for us to figure out what this poem is about. Instead of trying to make your poem rhyme, just write how you feel, write what comes to you. Sometimes it is much easier for us to grasp the theme if we aren't wrapped up in the pattern.

Keep writing!

Hello.

I would like to say congrats about your poem. This is the first poem that I have seen like this. At first, I didn't know what to think about the Four Letters but as i kept reading It got interesting and it all tied into one another. But overall I loved and and cant wait to see more of your work soon.
Again Congrats.

-Shorty (Amber)

Seems great to me. I think its better with the changes you have made.

-Shorty (amber)

I like the pattern of the poem.I guess I can see a vague pattern.why not try to make the subject more precise.Still I liked it.Keep up the good work.:p

Hello again, as you requested I re-read this and I have to say that I really liked it. You improved it and you made a more clear subject shine through. It was still a little abstract but I think that that was what made it good. You also kept the pattern going even with the changes so I thought that wa very good.

The only thing here is that the title is 'Four Words' but you actually describe 7. Maybe tweak the title. Other than that, it was great!

Well Done,
Keep Writing.
~Lydia

haha, Lydia, it's not "four words", for a thought you had me thinking I had a blonde moment. The title is "four letters", I beleive.

Yes I think this is greatly improved. It makes a lot more sense, and I think you have rectified the pattern/rhyme. My only critique at this point is your punctuation. There was just a small section where I think you forgot to about the proper punctuation. I've made the needed corrections in red.

We are strong, when others are weak.
We are thrown, though surely not beaten.
We are not dying, but will stay by each other.
We are not only, but sisters and brothers.
We are sleeping, and still awake.
We are telling, keeping close by.

Good job!