Our Savoir (chapter one)

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I’m going to die, , I thought. The car screeched towards me with ear-splitting racket. My mouth opened in terror, but no sound came out, and if it did, then it mingled with the cars scream. The car came closer and closer, then I felt a pressure around my middle, and then I was falling sideways, being dragged, then I felt and smelt grass under my nose. This isn’t death, I thought. There was panting next to me.

“Are you ... ok?” a voice asked. I turned my head, and was looking into soft, concerned, frantic blue eyes.

“Oh, my god, did you ... did you save me?” I asked.

“Yeah,” the voice that belonged to the Eyes panted.

“Oh my god, are you ok?” I asked. Laughter filled the Eyes and the air.

“Yes, I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, you saved me from a car how in hell did you move so quickly?” I asked.

“I ... I don’t know,” he said. “I just ran.”

“But what was the point?”

“What was the point? To save your life, that’s what the point was!”

“But ... but I was as good as gone, as good as dead, you didn’t see anyone else throwing themselves in front of a car for me, did you?” The laughter filled the air again. I heard other noises now, too. Screams and cried, loud, shouting voices, and sirens. I tried to sit up, but a hand restrained me.

“Whoa, you hit your head on the pavement pretty hard, you just stay down,” the voice said. I decided to tear my eyes away from the Eyes and look at my savior. He had messy black hair down to his shoulders, pink lips and those Eyes. They were beyond words.

“Who are you?” I asked. He looked behind him.

“Introductions later,” he said. “The ambulance is here, and your head is bleeding pretty bad,” he said. I touched my head and my fingers came away sticky, and red with blood.

“Oh,” I said. The paramedics swarmed us. “Don’t leave me!” I yelled, my arms reaching. I saw that he was bleeding, too.

“Just calm down, you’ll be ok,” one of the paramedics said. We were loaded into ambulances, the guy got to sit next to me and hold my hand. I was panicking a little; I remembered that my mum had come in one of these when she slit her wrists. She’d never come back. The guy stroked my hand soothingly. He murmured things, and told me it was gonna be alright. Was it showing how panicky I really was? The drive to the hospital was short, and then I got pushed through all these doors and then into a big white room that hurt my eyes, and the guy was there beside me the whole time. One of the doctors put something that smelt funny over my nose and I fell asleep.


I woke up an unaccountable amount of time later, to hear breathing on a bed next to me.

“Hello?” I turned my head, it was the guy with the Eyes. He woke up.

“Ginny,” he said with relief.

“How come your allowed to know my name, but I’m not allowed to know yours?” I asked. He laughed his laugh.

“My name’s Bert,” he said. I smiled.

“I like it, it’s odd and old-fashioned,” I said. “What’s going on?” I asked, looking around me.

“You’re fine, we both are, they’re just keeping us in for tonight for observation,” he said.

“Thank you, by the way, for saving me,” I said. Bert laughed.

“It was my pleasure,” he said. “Now, you woke me up, so I’m going to go back to sleep, if you don’t mind,” he said with a smile.

“Go ahead, I was gonna crash again in a sec anyways,” I said. Bert smiled.

“Goodnight,” he said.

“’Night,” I said. I lay awake until Bert’s light snores filled the room and I dropped off.

That screech again, the car, closer, closer, closer. The weight around my middle, crushing, smashing, agonising pain around my middle. The car had gotten me. I screamed, loudly, and screamed and screamed. “You were supposed to save me!” !” I screamed at Bert, who was looking at me from the other side of the parking lot. And then there was my mother in the car, her wrists bleeding, her clothes covered in blood, her hair dripping with it. “Mum, how could you?!” I screamed. “Ginny! Ginny!” it was Bert’s voice, I felt pressure on my wrists now, and the dream was shaken away. My eyes flew open and I threw my arms around Bert’s neck and sobbed onto his shoulder.

“I guess it got you then, huh?” he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and climbing into my bed with me. I cried for as long as I could onto his shirt, and then a nurse ran is.

“I heard -! Oh,” she said. I looked up from Bert’s shoulder. Bert wiped a tear from my cheek. “I heard screaming,” the nurse said weakly.

“She had a bad dream,” Bert said. The nurse nodded silently.

“Ok, well, I’m sorry Mr. Farrow, you’ll have to get back into your own bed now,” she said. I wrapped my arms more securely around his neck.

“I don’t think I can do that,” Bert said, smiling. The nurse looked at me.

“Miss. Doppleman knows it was just a nightmare, she’ll deal with it herself, get into your own bed,” she said sternly. Bert pulled my arms gently from his neck and put them by my sides, his eyes filled with concern. I noticed he was still in normal clothes, and I was in an ugly green paper dress.

“Where are my clothes?” I asked. The nurse pointed to a chair, and there were my clothes, all folded up.

“Do you need anything else?” the nurse asked.

“No, thank you,” I said. She left and I got out of bed.

“What’re you -”

“Shhh!” I hissed. I grabbed my clothes and pulled the curtains around my bed closed. I got dressed quickly, noting how nice it felt to be back in normal clothes. I hid the paper dress under my pillow and pulled the curtains back. Bert laughed.

“Nice one,” he said. I smiled at him and hopped back into bed.

“What’s the time?” I asked. He pulled a cell-phone out of his pocket.

“Two in the morning,” he said. I whistled.

“Wow, early,” I said.

“Good morning,” he said, flashing me a smile. I yawned. “You just had a monumental nightmare, how can you be tired?” he asked.

“I have them a lot,” I said.

“The screaming kind?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “My dad’s used to it,” I said. Bert looked at me in shock and then got up and walked over to my bed.

“Move over,” he said. I just looked at him blankly. “I think that people are less-likely to have nightmares if they’re sleeping with someone else, because it feels so nice, so move, I want to test my theory,” he said.

“I’m not a science experiment,” I said. Bert laughed.

“Yes you are, now move,” he said. I grudgingly moved over for him and he climbed in.

“This bed can take us, right?” I asked. Bert laughed.

“You’re making me feel fat,” he said. I laughed. We looked up at the ceiling, and fell asleep again, one by one.
"Not all those who wander are lost" - J.R.R Tolkien

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LOVE is the MOVEMENT. HOPE is the REASON




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Hi Rose!

Well, I like what you've written. It's quite good, but it doesn't really strike me as something. That's mainly due to the beginning. It's too Twilight-ish. It puts me off. Maybe you should try a different set o lines/approach to the beginning.

Midnight_Rose wrote:“But ... but I was as good as gone, as good as dead, you didn’t see anyone else throwing themselves in front of a car for me, did you?” The laughter filled the air again. I heard other noises now, too. Screams and cried ( cries, you mean), loud, shouting voices, and sirens. I tried to sit up, but a hand restrained me.


Midnight_Rose wrote:
I was panicking a little; I remembered that my mum had come in one of these when she slit her wrists. She’d never come back.

Try using something like 'She had to be taken in one of these...'

[quote="Midnight_Rose"]
“I guess it got you then, huh?” he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and climbing into my bed with me. I cried for as long as I could onto his shirt, and then a nurse ran is (Another typo, in.)

Cheers,
~Lava
~
Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

sachi: influencing others since GOD KNOWS WHEN.





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I agree with Lava. I don't know if you've read, heard, or seen twilight before, but your story is almost exactly like it. The "Edward" just looks different, more like Jacob if you know what I'm talking about. But it's just your first chapter so I could be completely wrong. It's just my first impression of your book. Can't wait to see what happens with this book. Do me a favor and pm me when you post the next chapter.
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Hello,

Firstly let me just say that I like this however it was MUCH too Twilighty, in fact it was almost as though you pulled it straight from twilight. But that aside I liked it. I would like to read the rest so if you would, PM me when you write more and I will review ti for you. Basically lava got in all the niggilys so theres not much left for me to say except, Jab well done!

Keep Writing,
~Lydia :D
Thinking about what you COULD achieve will get you no where. You've got to chase your dreams.
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That was a LOT like twilight in the beginning of the story. I do agree with Crescent it does seem that it was a person like Jacob. Other than that i can't wait to see the rest of your book. :D
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So far, I agree with everyone that's posted here. It's too much like Twilight. But who knows, you may go in a completely different direction. Above all, I like your writing style and I can't wait to see the next chapter. :)
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