Secrets Short Prologue

I peered from behind my textbook as Mr. Johnson droned on and on. I looked at the clock repeatedly as the minutes ticked by. Just a few more minutes, I reminded myself, growing impatient.
"Class dismissed!" Mr. Johnson said with a smile as the final bell rang. I grabbed my bag and raced to the door as a mob of teenagers crowded the doorway.
"Katie!" I turned as a small hand grabbed my wrist. "Why are you going that way?" I spun around and saw my best friend Amanda leading me to our "special" exit. I slung my bag across my shoulder and followed.
"So are you excited?" Amanda asked excitedly. She shook with excitement and rounded around the corner and out our door. Our exit was perfect except that it led right into the street. A car siren was signeled and cars flew past us as we stepped onto the road.
"Oh my god!" I screamed as a car smashed into Amanda, it froze. everything froze, except me. And that was when I knew I was something special.

Hi Cassie! I'll be your reviewer for today!

"Why are you oging that way?"

This was the only mistake I found. "oging" should be "going" but I think that was just a typo.

Okay, you definitely need to make this longer. This was a good introduction though. Try to make a whole chapter before posting it little four line paragraphs are not reading material, they leave the reader at an uncertain point. Also, just a tip, make sure you know where you are going with this. I liked that you added that she has powers, but especially in this chapter tell us more about it. Overall, make it longer.

This has promise, just make a full chapter before posting okay?

~Forest

Thanks for your info! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to post it so early! I meant to save it, but I guess i hit Submit!!

Hi I'm gonna edit this a little more okay?

"So are you excited?" Amanda asked excitedly. She shook with excitement and rounded around the corner and out our door.

Okay, here you use excited or excitedly three times in nearly a row. Not good, too repetitive. Change one to something else or take the last one out.

A car siren was signeled and cars flew past us as we stepped onto the road.

"signeled" is supposed to be: "signaled".

"Oh my god!"

"god" needs to be capitalized.

I screamed as a car smashed into Amanda, it froze. everything froze, except me. And that was when I knew I was something special.

Here describe it freezing. Did it freeze like as ice or like in motion? Tell the reader that. Okay at the beginning you say "Don't use powers at school" she said that at the beginning....so she just found out? Talk a little bit more about how she found out.

It was better than the first time, but still needs some more work. This definitely is getting some promise. I really am excited for this. Good job so far!

~Forest

Just a few more minutes, I reminded myself, growing impatient.

I'm pretty sure 'just a few more minutes' should be italicized.

"So are you excited?" Amanda asked excitedly.

Woah! Way too much 'excitement' here.

She shook with excitement and rounded around the corner and out our door.

Bunch of mistakes here: So, you can get rid of the 'around.' You see how many 'ands' you have here? That's what commas are for. Then, you can't say 'out the door,' because she didn't also 'round out the door,' right? You can really just say: "She shook with excitement, rounded the corner and sped out the door.

A car siren was signeled and cars flew past us as we stepped onto the road.

What is this word? lol

"Oh my god!" I screamed as a car smashed into Amanda, it froze. everything froze, except me. And that was when I knew I was something special.

Woah! Big cliffhanger here! I was taken so far back with this one. I think that this came at too much of a surprise. I think you need more explanation here.

Overall, good writing! I can't wait to see what happens next. PM me if you post the next part and want a review.

Aloha! I'm Karma, and I'll be your reviewer today. This, while very short, showed a lot of promise. It also had a lot of places where it could be more fleshed out.

I peered from behind my textbook as Mr. Johnson droned on and on. I looked at the clock repeatedly as the minutes ticked by. Just a few more minutes, I reminded myself, growing impatient.

This annoys me, simply because it has almost become a cliche in school stories to start in a boring class room, and it doesn't really grab the reader, you know? Who wants to read about being stuck in a boring class room when you do it yourself all the time? I feel like you could start with something much more creative, you obviously have the imagination to do so. Even just fast forwarding a few minutes to when Amanda and Katie are walking.

I spun around and saw my best friend Amanda leading me to our "special" exit. I slung my bag across my shoulder and followed.

Alrighty, explain this special exit, where it is, where exactly it leads, why only they use it. Is it in the classroom, in the halls? Why don't they get their things? Not necessarily all those things, but at least one.

"So are you excited?" Amanda asked excitedly.

Repetition of excited. And, excited about what? Absorb the reader in their teenage lives, make us think the story will be about whatever they're talking about. A party or concert or whatever. Then it will be all the more shocking when something terrible happens.

"Oh my god!" I screamed as a car smashed into Amanda, it froze. Everything froze, except me. And that was when I knew I was something special.

Okay. Draw this out. A lot of times I feel like things are milked for too much drama, but you have the possibility to make this so much more powerful. Everything just feels rushed as is, so add details. Describe how she saw the car, how her friend screamed, etc, etc. Also, describe how things froze. Was Amanda falling when it froze, was the car swerving. What were Amanda and the driver's faces like. This is a HUGE moment. Pump it full of details.
The last line is phenomenal. I can't wait to read more! Also, between you and me, I've always wanted the power to stop time.
~Karma