Lessons for Skyler: Prologue

So, this doesn't explain any of the plot. It really isn't meant to. That's why I'm going to briefly summarize. It's about a girl who gets pregnant from a one night stand and begins writing to her unborn child. It becomes a love story, but doesn't start that way. Anyhow, on with the prologue.

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Skyler, I’m not sure where you are. Maybe you don’t know me. Maybe you do. I’m not sure of anything right now, really. I feel like I should do this, though. If I keep you or give you away, at least I’ll be able to explain what happened to you. You can learn from my mistakes and find your happy ending. Even if I never find mine, I’ll be okay, knowing that you came from all this mess. Just remember, I loved you. I will never stop loving you.

It was a heavy night. I was done with a lot of things. As I walked into the house, I noticed a bottle on the counter. I took it and smashed it to pieces. Tears fell over the pile of shattered glass. The smell of alcohol filled the air. He ran in, ready to make up another excuse, but froze when he noticed the broken beer bottle and my malevolent glare.

“Trinity,” he said softly.

“I’m going to bed,” I announced. I brushed by him, smelling vodka and cigarettes.

It hurts when you think everything is going to work out. Then, that person you think might not be that bad lets you down. It hurts when your carefully built world crashes beneath you. All you’re left with is the broken pieces and the lesson you learned from the fall.

Hi there! Welcome to YWS.

So, this doesn't explain any of the plot. That's why I'm going to briefly summarize. It's about a girl who gets pregnant from a one night stand and begins writing to her unborn child. It becomes a love story, but doesn't start that way. Anyhow, on with the prologue.

You don’t need to explain what your story is about, your story is supposed to do that by itself. And, the point of a prologue is to reveal some of the plot or to show what your story is about. So I would edit the above out.

Skyler, I’m not sure where you are. Maybe you don’t know me. Maybe you do. I’m not sure of anything right now, really. I feel like I should do this, though. If I keep you or give you away, at least I’ll be able to explain what happened to you. You can learn from my mistakes and find your happy ending. Even if I never find mine, I’ll be okay, knowing that you came from all this mess. Just remember, I loved you. I will never stop loving you.

I have no idea what the above is about so mayhap you could clarify it. Have your MC say that she is going to write a diary for her unborn child. I assume the above is part of that or no?

It was a heavy night. I was done with a lot of things.

What kind of things? What do you mean heavy night? Was it raining? Spice it up!

As I walked into the house, I noticed a bottle on the counter. I took it and smashed it to pieces.

Why did she smash the bottle? A bottle of what? Rum, whiskey, vodka?

“Trinity,” he said softly.

Any character action? Does he reach out towards her?

“I’m going to bed,” I announced. I brushed by him, smelling vodka and cigarettes.

I thought the bottle was of beer?

~~~~~

Yes, I without you saying what your story is about I would never know. I don’t get what it’s about from reading the prologue. So you defiantly have to fix that up.

PM if you have any questions. Good luck!

Meadow

Hey there, ready for a review? Of course you are. I agree with Meadowlark, I don't think you should explain what your story is about, as it should be able to do that on it's own. Remember that in a book, most prolouges are at least a page long, if not more. So don't be afraid of lengthening this. (Just try to keep it under 1,500 words.) Upon reading this I had a few questions:

1.) Has the protagonist just found out she is pregnant when the story begins or is she farther along? I ask this because typically they cannot determine the sex of the baby until after the 20th week of pregnancy (About four months).
2.) Is Skyler a boy or girl? Could you clarify in the journal entry?
3.) Why does the protagonist not know where the baby is? Isn't it still in her womb? This part confused me.
4.) Why does Trinity not know if she is going to keep the baby or not?
5.) Who is the man that is drinking? Is he the father?

Overall, I really enjoyed this. I liked how you kept descriptions down to a minimum, it made it more impactful. I like the plot idea, although it wasn't evident in the narration. Your characters are flat at this point, but this is just the prolouge. Remember that pregnancy is a very emotional time and that this would probably show in her letters. Show us her doubt, will she be a good mom or not? Show us her frustrations over weight gain. Have her describe her amazement that there is a human developing inside of her. Have her tell the baby what weird cravings she is having, like hot cheetos smothered in chocolate sauce. If you need information on pregnancy or childbirth, feel free to PM me. I have plenty of experience. Other than that, I am excited to read more. Keep writing!