Lose Yourself

Turn up the music,
Lose yourself in the sound.
Taste the acoustic strings Vibrating through the air,
Let your heartbeat fall into turn with the steady bass.
Breathe in the rhythm guitar,
Breathe out the drums.
Feel the notes swim and ease through your every element,
Every bone,
Every Muscle,
Every inch of your body.
Open your mouth wide,
Take a deep breath,
And lose yourself in the song...
Music is not Life,
Music is just what keeps Life in motion.
Find yourself in the music.

I have to say that I found this poem a bit…I don't know, trite, or something along those lines. I mean the language was fine, all the punctuation was fine, and it wasn't that I thought it was bad. I just thought it seemed like something that was supposed to be deep, but instead sounded like some hippie on a good trip talking to me or something. the whole "lose yourself" then "find yourself in the music" thing. didn't much like it. but of course, it might just me my problem, I tend to hate cliché stuff, and spacey supposed-to-be-deep stuff. Anyways, don't be disheartened or anything, cause you're doing fine. I'm not saying its lame to "find yourself in the music", but I think you should find a better way of describing all that. So yep that's all I gotta say. keep working on it :)

Well, I really enjoyed it.
The punctuating feel of the whole thing was slightly entrancing. The piece drew me in to a world of well-crafted language and plenty of creativity. There were some grammar problems, such as "your" instead of "you're" in the seventh line, and Im not sure why you capatilised(sp?) "vibrating" in the third. But overall, it was a very good piece. Well done!

Hey there, great poem! I really liked how you talk about absorbing the music. Sometimes I do that, when I am listening to a great song. This poem really spoke to me. However, I did notice a few things that need minor tweaking.

First of all, please edit all of your work before posting it on YWS. It is quite irritating to read a piece and be distracted by the minor spelling and punctuation errors. If you have trouble punctuating poetry, like I did, there is a very simple rule to follow. Write it out into paragraph form and add commas and periods where it is most natural. You don't have to capitalise each line unless it follows a period.

Secondly, you had a few redundancies that seemed to detract from your poem. Specifically:

Feel the notes swim and ease through your every element,Every bone, Every Muscle,Every inch of your body.

We get that we should let the music satiate us, I don't think you need to explain it flowing through every inch of our body when you already said every element, every bone, every muscle. I would just get rid of that last line.

Music is not Life,Music is just what keeps Life in motion.

I like the thought, I just wonder if there is a more poetic way of describing it? Maybe you could write something like:

Music is not life, just the ryhthm that keeps it in motion.

Obviously this is a horrible example, but you get the idea? Also, you don't need to capitalise Life.
Hopefully this was helpful. Good job!

Hi singing saturdays! Nice user name I'm Kat, and I'll be reviewing, okay?

I really like what you've got going on here. I think it's a very good theme (I'm a music girl, so xD) and you've presented it in a good way. Still, the biggest issue I found with this was the flow. It's very sketchy at some places. Try to even out the lines, and read it out loud to see how it rings. I'm sure it'll come to you. Also, for further help, read this, a lovely article by our dear Jon.

I really like the final lines, so good ending. Thanks for posting!
- Kat