Young Writers Society


An Ode to Childhood

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An Ode to Childhood

She dances behind her mother,
twirling through the grocery store,
as she gives pet names to the vegetables,
enclosed in her imaginary setting.

But the seven-year-old cannot imagine
the reality of this unjust world:
slavery, violence, poverty, disease –
All are far from her Garden of Eden.

She curls up in her father’s lap
through the blaring storms
that frighten her in the night,
and she falls asleep in his arms.

Oh to be seven again,
to gaze through the eyes
of an innocent child
with no anxieties about life.

Open your heart to simplicity;
Trust Jesus to hold you in his arms.
Place your worries in the past
and don’t pick them up again.

Oh to be seventeen,
someday you will say.

When you learned to take
the bliss of adolescence
and use it to fight injustice.

When the suffering cries of the world
broke your heart and rebuilt your compassion.

When you first learned to reach out
with the love of Christ.
Last edited by luv2write42 on Thu Jan 07, 2010 3:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
"To live is Christ; to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21




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So I can't figure out how to format this poem so it will show the spaces between my stanzas. Can anyone help me out? I never had a problem with this when we were on the old site.
"To live is Christ; to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21




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Hey there!

Have you solved the formatting problem already? It appears well formatted to me, but I'm not sure if it's to your liking.

I really like this poem -- it's cute and childish, and I can usually easily appreciate these sorts. I'd recommend being careful in narrating, as when you have to say too much, the poem slows and the words go and little progress is made. This:

[ Open your heart to simplicity;
Trust Jesus to hold you in his arms.
Place your worries in the past
and don’t pick them up again. ]

While I like this, I feel that it dragged the poem back, because it didn't fit in well with the surrounding ones. Is there some way you can take this apart and use the same message in this, but incorporate it in another way? Just a suggestion. :)

A nice poem, nonetheless. Keep it up. :)

June
"I'd steal somebody's purse if I could google it and then download it." -- Firestarter




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I agree with june here-- that stanza is in an odd place; it jars the rest of the poem
luv2write42 wrote:he dances behind her mother,
twirling through the grocery store,
as she gives pet names to the vegetables,
enclosed in her imaginary setting.

But the seven-year-old cannot imagine
the reality of this unjust world:
slavery, violence, poverty, disease –
All are far from her Garden of Eden.

Open your heart to simplicity;
Trust Jesus to hold you in his arms.
Place your worries in the past
and don’t pick them up again.

She curls up in her father’s lap
through the blaring storms
that frighten her in the night,
and she falls asleep in his arms.

Oh to be seven again,
to gaze through the eyes
of an innocent child
with no anxieties about life.

Oh to be seventeen,
someday you will say.

When you learned to take
the bliss of adolescence
and use it to fight injustice.

I don't know if that sounds any better to you; it's just my suggestion for the placement of that stanza.
ON FORMATTING POETRY
ok, so below the body of your work is that options tab where you can disable smilies or whatever. Below that are formatting options: yous is on default or poetry, probably. Change it to novel or story or none and your stanzas should come up.
~Hope that helped.
Keep writing.
ps fantastic poem-- very sweet and uplifting.
empress
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Thanks for the reviews and the formatting help! :D
"To live is Christ; to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21



I'll make sure nobody unauthorized runs off with the chamber pot, sir.
— Kaladin (Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson)