A Poem Lacking Originality

I cannot think of what to write
A creative blank fills the endless pages of my mindless, self-absorbed, dribble
And it shows
My poetry is utter boredom to the poetical mind
It lacks originality and spark
However tedious my writing gets, I write more
For I think if I write more words of life, love and loss
I will become a better writer and hence a better poet
I don’t think it’s worked
This poem sounds like a piece of meat; slowly cooking under my Nana’s newly bought
George Foreman grill, you know the one that drains all the fat
Well that’s how I would explain this poem
It has exhausted all fat and therefore is Jenny Craig friendly
It has been grilled, poked and prodded and proven still raw
It has not taken to the test and therefore must end.

lol, that's really rambling, but a good way to drain your brain of creativity. I like the way you compared it to fat being drained.

It was pretty decent for a poem that described kind of a lack of originality...there might have been some in some bits of this, but other bits were actually pretty original considering the title, in my opinion. Although, I'm not quite sure how to comment on this, because it did seem to me to be more of just a personal poetic exercise thing than a poem meant for other people to read. But still, this was pretty good

What an amazing idea for a poem! I might do that when I can't think of anything to write next time, thanks x My only point would be to stop with the 'I, I, I, It, It, It' at the start of every line Hope that helps.

Forgottenfallen x

Hey Laura,

Lacking originality? Haha, it may lack a few things, silly, but originality might have found a spot here-- it's not every day that you find the random poems such as these called unoriginal.

Nonetheless, it's pretty much impossible to criticize. I can't tell which aspects of it were taken down seriously, or if any were at all. Though not a very poetic poem, I have to say, it put a smile on my face.

June

Writer's block put into poetry...that's fantastic. The sort of depressing humor that speaks to the irritable author inside us all. This is great, great stuff. You might want to pay attention to the word you start each line with, though. Lots of 'it' and 'I'

Very original, even though the title says otherwise. It was actually the title that caught my eye. While it was obviously the random musings of a frustrated poet, I think you could actually turn this into a decent poem. Perhaps infuse more emotion. Take your frustration out on a pencil, decimating the eraser between your nervous teeth. Stab your characters with the nearest writing utensil or perhaps use even the dreaded backspace. I'd like more emotion and more writer lingo. Also I thought that you might want to move the last bit of line two and connect it with line three. Starting with self absorbed, that way it would look more organized. Other than that, good job!

Hi Laura!

I can relate so well to this piece it's almost like I wrote it myself. You have no idea what to write, so you start writing about not knowing what to write, and your ramble about it for a bit, try to throw in some imagery about it, and voila! You've written something, and maybe now that you've warmed up you're able to come up with some good ideas.

I was quite entertained by the grill part, and that part did have originality one its side. Unfortunately, I don't think that one small piece of the poem is enough to keep it alive. When I hear someone talking down their piece *within* the piece, all it makes me want to do is agree.

This is a great exercise just for yourself; like I said, I find myself doing it a lot. But I don't think it comes across well to other people. It kind of sounds self-absorbed, and makes people want to agree that the poem isn't very good. One thing writing must have, is confidence behind it, even if you don't feel confident. It does show promise as far as poetry and you are concerned, but I think this kind of piece is meant to be kept to yourself. =]

Feel free to PM me if you want a review some time!

Hello,

Laura93 wrote:I cannot think of what to write
My poetry fills the endless pages of my mindless, self-absorbed, dribble
And it shows
its utter boredom to the poetic mind
It lacks originality and spark
However tedious my writing gets, I write more
For I think if I write more words of life, love and loss
I will become a better writer and hence a better poet
I don’t think it’s worked
This poem sounds like a piece of meat;
slowly cooking under my Nana’s newly bought
George Foreman grill, you know the one that drains all the fat
Well that’s how I would explain this poem
It has exhausted all fat and therefore is Jenny Craig friendly--
grilled, poked and prodded and proven still raw
It has not taken to the test and therefore must end.

That's what I would do to fix this poem a bit, just jiggle some of the crowds and sentences around like so. Besides that, a very interesting piece. The I's and If's did not seem all that glaring to me.
Great job, keep writing.
Empress

This seemed a little strange to me, but I think that might have been your goal. It certainly doesn't read like a normal poem, that's for sure. That being said, it was like a breath of fresh air, considering how much of poetry has to be so serious or dramatic, you know? I'm not quite sure how I should critique this, as I'm not sure at what parts you were really writing, so to speak. So! Good job! You entertained and made a very original poem! Great work!

Thanks everyone for the tips Much appreciated!!!

You've recieved a lot of tips, but I'm still gonna add what I think.
This is mostly just rambling, and a lot of it at that. Barely any rhyme or rhythm in this, sadly. It had so much potential. I didn't really enjoy it.
That's all, just...try not to ramble.
Tata now,
Mizz