Dance with Cinderella

I wrote this one a while ago.. looking back I think it might need a little work in terms of the rhyming scheme.


She's covered in filth every day
Tolerates the bad but with something look forward to
Glad to have someone to dust her off
Hold her tight when the sky's never blue

You dance with Cinderella
Remind her of her dreams, you always do
Make her forget this hateful world
And believe in a happy ending with you

More than too often she's broken
You wish for her that it wasn't like this
Pick up broken pieces after every fall
Revive her magic touch with one sweet kiss

You dance with Cinderella
Show her how the stars shine bright
Find your white horse and steal her away
Let her be the princess to your knight

She doesn't know how you do it
But somehow you take away her hate
Show her how to smile again
Hearing her laugh was worth the wait

You dance with Cinderella
Make every fairytale dream come true
Smile as you spin her around, then hold her tight
Because you know she's forever in love with you

I very much like the idea of it, but you are right, there isn't really a rhyme scheme here, so it doesn't flow. However, I bet this would make a good song. I don't know if you are able to do that, but if this were actually a song, it might not need to rhyme. Like perhaps think of a tune, then maybe write one more phrase in the beginning as verse two, and make the phrase after the second "chorus" into a bridge and you are done! Just an idea though ;)

That was a lovely start, i think it would need a bit more of a rhyming scheme also it would have alot more impact if the ending was a bit more catchy, maybe a single line that would jump out to the reader. I belive that the innitial idea was very effective.

This poem was...interesting =D
It told a nice story, but not the most original I've read/heard. However, I'm one of those people that never get bored of the "Cinderella Story..." So, I thought it was sweet overall. And yes, there might want to be a better flow in the wording throughout the poem, maybe put in some words that rhyme? Other then that- it was nice =)

I think the story is beautiful i definetly need cindy.
But i still did not see the rythm and puntuations would have easy things, i read thru it like a prose. Pls try the rythm or the puntuations better still prose.
Pls don't keep cindy to yourself alone (just joking)

I much enjoyed the rhyming scheme, actually. And the rhythm was pretty good, as well.

love,juliet wrote:She's covered in filth every day
With something to look forward to
Glad to have someone to dust her off
Hold her tight when the sky's never blue

I know the two to's seem redundant but it's not grammatically correct without it.

love,juliet wrote:Too often she's broken
You wish it wasn't like this
Pick up the pieces after every fall
Revive her with one sweet kiss

COnsider those changes. They help your rhytm out a lot, and even make the rhyming words stand out more, now that they're not slogged down.
Do this throughout your poem-- try cutting pits and pieces and see if it doesn't flow a little smoother.
Besides that, great job.
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