tis the night of Halloween.

yes, I'm like two months late. But oh well.


Outside I look and inside I feel it.
The cool autumn air’s elements come out.

Yes, ‘tis the afternoon of Halloween.
The sun is setting, the night has begun.

I am not tick-or-treating. Not this year.
I cannot be seen. I cannot be near.

I cannot go out in seek of the blood.
I crave every year. Oh, bittersweet blood.

The year is not for my ravenous taste.
This night they are searching, so I must wait.

I shall strike another night. Not tonight.
Although, I do crave that look of sheer freight.

No. I mustn’t. Tonight is not the night.
The villagers are searching. Not tonight.

But it’s all so tempting, the soppy red blood.
Perhaps a bite might not be that bad.

Yes, tonight is Halloween. I will go.
Who really cares if mother has really said no.

Happy Halloween, you’re in for a fright.
I put on my cloak turning off the light.

If they cannot run fast enough, so what?
Being a blood sucker is not my fault.

Yes, tonight is Halloween.
Sun has set, night has begun.

Awesome i love it

Hi,

Welcome to YWS. I hope you like it here. I love your use of rhyme and how the story unfolds. This is a great idea and you express it very well.

I'd change the first line to "I look outside" so that the syntax isn't twisted.I'd change "'tis" to "it's" as it's too archaic for your colloquial tone. I'd also make all of your non-rhyming couplets rhyme, except for the last one, as it would make this more consistent and then the last one would be unsettling for the reader and would mirror your theme.I'd change "in seek" to "in search" and change "oh bittersweet blood" to something more simple, as I think it's too much.

I like the fifth couplet, but I'd change "this night" to "tonight"."Freight" should be "Fright".I'd get rid of the villagers, as it's cliche. I love "Not tonight", as it effectively shows the speaker trying to convince themself to stay away.

I really like "soppy red blood"-it shows the speaker's contempt for the people it wants to prey on.

I'd cut "really" before "said", because you don't need it and I'd put a comma after "cloak".

The ending is great. It's very vivid and powerful and, as I said, the break from rhyme in the last stanza is very powerful as it makes the reader uncomfortable.

Hope this helps,

Jas

I like the internal battle of the vampire, although I do wish we could feel more of his turmoil. Poetry is about emotion, and this was lacking it. I want to feel how the vampire is frightened to be caught. I want to feel his thirst, how it gnaws away at him, how the temptation is almost painful. I want to feel his arrogance that he won't get caught. If you infused more emotion, this poem would be top-notch.