I Love Fruit

I love fruit
I'm partial to apples
But it's all good, really
And healthy too,
Like exercise
But the hell with exercise
Cause I love fruit.

Dear fruit, how do I explain my love?
Let me compare you to a dove
As I don my rubber glove.

For this is a poem
About fruit
I really like fruit
I swear.

So to you, fruit, I sing my ode
In this bleak midwinter free time I happened to have
Your beauty complex, worth more than lode
But lode isn't tasty
You are.

The apple, voluptuous and red
The banana, yellow, with potassium
The pear, not very voluptuous
I still love you, pear.

Oh the moment I first saw you, fruit!
Sitting in that bowl...
A bowl of fruit
Gleaming like a thousand splendid suns
But less Muslim
And blinding
You just sat there, in infinite beauty
Yes, I'd love a date.

Because I liiike fruit (it's good to me)
Because I looove you (it's good you see)
So girls and friends can go awayyy
Cause I eat fruit everydayyy!

Because girls are so 'fickle'
And have such high 'standards'
And friends don't really 'like me' that much
And my mom 'is' ugly
But fruit?
You are my god.

When I get money and a life
I'll get a farm
And have peaches, and pears,
and oranges, and potatoes
And, yes, even tomatoes!

drowning in fruit drowning
apple apricot banana blueberry cherry and my darling clementine coconut cranberry f-ing fig
grape grapefruit kiwi lemon lime mango melon nectarine of the gods orange papaya pear plum...

Fruit is my savior:

In the beginning god created fruit, and he said 'let there be fruit' and Chuck said 'fruit please.'

F is for fruit
R is for root which grows said fruit
U is for ugly, which fruit is not
I is for I like fruit
T is for time to get me some fruit

In fact,
I am
eating
one right
now. And

I love fruit
Its good to me.
I'm partial to apples.

But vegetables? That's a different matter.

Hi there Critiq!

I'm going to give you a little hand with this poem.

Now it's original, and quite impressive how long you go on about fruit.
But your poem has some major issues I feel need to be addressed before you can improve.

Some nitpicks:

But the hell with exercise
Cause I love fruit.

Wouldn't it be: But to hell with exercise
Also, 'cause' is very slang-like. I would love to see something more formal like because, since, or something else you might come up with.

Because I liiike fruit (it's good to me)
Because I looove you (it's good you see)
So girls and friends can go awayyy
Cause I eat fruit everydayyy!

Why, all of a sudden, is there excessive use of letters? Last time I checked liiiike is not a word. Just an exaggeration used in chat-speak.
Also a sudden Lyrical format? I understand your attempt to use different styles in one poem, but lyrics isn't real poetry, in my books at least.

Because girls are so 'fickle'
And have such high 'standards'
And friends don't really 'like me' that much
And my mom 'is' ugly

I don't understand the brackets around certain words. Are you trying to emphasize, or create a sort of sarcasm? It really doesn't work, it confuses the reader. If you want to create sarcasm or emphasis, make the words do that for you.

In fact,
I am
eating
one right
now. And

Bizarre why to cut this up. It hacks up any flow you might of created. Poetry isn't only about words. It's about the way you knit the words together. Formatting is a part of that.

Enough with the nitpicks though.

Overall, I noticed a few things in this.

Firstly, you keep switching from a formal tone to a very causal tone. It doesn't work, once again it throws off the reader. The tone you use sets the way the reader will interpret your poem, if you change it back and forth, the reader will just lose whatever they were thinking of. It's their train of thought you want to sculpt.

Secondly, your switch poem types throughout the entire thing. It's like your tone, you have to keep it consistent. The lyrics in the middle too, absolutely random and throws the reader off completely. You have to create structure.

Thirdly, redundancy. We understand that the persona you created likes fruit, but why do they? All we get by the end of this poem is that the persona likes fruit. Nothing else to extract from this length of a poem?

All of this sums up to a bit of a mess. Your reader is utterly lost at the end, all we extract is that your poetic persona is that they like fruit. This poem needs quite a bit of work. But points to you for originality and your willingness to experiment. You'll definitely find a style for you, just keep experimenting, and if you ever need any help feel free to contact me.

Kamas

Honestly, I’m no sure what to think of this poem. I like the idea and the title was definitely catchy, to that I’ll attest. But it definitely jumps around a lot. The thing you have to remember, especially with things as short as poetry, is that you have to be consistent in tone, structure, and idea. You definitely have idea down but the other two could use work. Like Kamas said, it switches about from formal to casual. I do like how this is down with the line: “Dear fruit, how do I explain my love?/Let me compare you to a dove.” But that is because of the way it added a slightly comedic effect, leaving the poem still at casual.

And what Kamas said about the way you broke up the sentences is spot on as well. It makes it very jerked about and difficult to read at some points.

But with a little work and a touch of elbow grease this will be 20 times better. Just imagine all of the people who will be loving fruit, just because of some edits to your poem. Speaking of which, I could use an apple.

~lilymoore

Well, it is obvious that the speaker likes fruit and they list some good reasons as to why they like it so much. But it doesn't make me want to eat fruit. And I want you to make me want to eat fruit. Instead of just focusing on the health benefits of fruit and how appealing they look, why don't you explore some of the other senses? What does the fruit smell like? Taste like? Feel like? Remember that when you are writing poetry, you shouldn't tell the reader how you feel, you should make your reader feel how you feel. Also, I think a lot of this is unnecessary and doesn't make sense to include in your poem. (The part about the friends and the ugly mom? What does that have to do with fruit?) Cut down the parts that don't mesh with the theme and add more feeling to this poem and you will have a gem!

Hehe, I adored this. It was quite witty, and made me laugh a few times. Fruit really is a rather wonderful thing, isn't it?

Though, as a poem it was all over the place. You switch styles, techniques, rhyme patterns, etc. You could probably break this down into several smaller fruit-themed poems though and have more poeticism that way (yeah, I just made that word up).

Perhaps though, this was just a fun ode to fruit. In which case I suppose poeticism wouldn't be a problem. But then the whole thing would just be a ramble and rather un-effective.

Favorite part:

Gleaming like a thousand splendid suns
But less Muslim

Made me laugh

-Lauren

I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be a random, spasmodic, whimsical piece about fruit. And I felt it did have a sort of choppy, innate rhythm to it.
I actually really, really enjoyed this piece. I just thought it was... gah. No words for what I'm feeling. So pointless, rambly and devoid of emotion-- no, there was no joy when I read this-- that I loved it.
Sorry if that was the worst critique ever but...
keep writing.
Empress

When you say you don your rubber glove... Are you saying you want to have sex with fruit o.O

I like the way this poem has an organized chaos about it. It's refreshing to read something whimsical like this. I don't think it's a problem that you seem to lack a structure, because it works with this. The only part that got a little out of hand as far as structure goes was this:

drowning in fruit drowning
apple apricot banana blueberry cherry and my darling clementine coconut cranberry f-ing fig grape grapefruit kiwi lemon lime mango melon nectarine of the gods orange papaya pear plum...

Were you just listing off all the fruits you could think of? And the 'f-ing' part was unnecessary, too. This threw off the very strange rhythm of your poem, and not in the good way like the rest. :/

Also, I'm a little confused about the rubber glove thing. It seemed like a forced rhyme, and it reads strangely in context with the rest.

But good job, mostly! It was fun to read!

Hi there, Critiq. I'm Conrad, and I'll be your reviewer for today.

So, this is a decent start, but I think that you still have some work to do with this. For one, cut the length down. For me, personally, I don't want to read about fruit for this long. Making this just a little shorter will improve it, I think.

Also, if you're going to do rhyming in this poem, find one rhyming scheme and stick to it. Don't randomly switch them up. It's confusing and, in my opinion, kind of pointless.

As I said, you have a good start. You just need to work with this a bit still. Send me a PM if you have any questions or comments.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

This poem made my day. I love fruit too. Preferably strawberries. My favorite part was when you're like they're less Muslim. I don't know if that little bit was supposed to be funny but I laughed out loud. Literally and not just like "lol". I loved your red stilletto poem as well. Go write more funny, ironic poetry.