Ruined love

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 37
V1
Oh my love
I don’t want to lose you again
It hurt to much the first time
You mean the world to me

Chorus
I miss you
I truly do
I cannot live without you
You’re my shinny light

V2
I miss our romantic dinners
Where you’d serenade me with wine
Where you’d hold me tight
And we’d cuddle all through the night

Chorus
I miss you
I truly do
I cannot live without you
You’re my shinny light

V3
I miss your breath upon my skin
The smell of your aftershave
I miss everything about you
And I’m a fool for pushing you away

Chorus
I miss you
I truly do
I cannot live without you
You’re my shinny light
Just belive and you will acheive!




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Points 2340
Reviews 447
The only thing that really screamed at me in this was the use of the phrase "shinny light".

First off I think the proper spelling is "shiny", and secondly, it just doesn't sound right... I think that Shining light would fit better.
The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching.




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Gender Female
Points 39955
Reviews 1288
I agree with what Dusky said, plus the "to" in the first verse should be "too." Other than that, I liked it.



When something is broken, it can be fixed.
— Benjamin Alire Saenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe