If a day could last years.....

I was searching through my computer and found this from about a year ago...enjoy!


If a day could last years, it wouldn’t be a day
If all light was taken from the sun
It would always be night
If everybody cried unnecessary tears
Then the earth would be covered in water
If wars raged in every country
the earth would be covered in blood with everyone lifeless
If everyone loved at once
Would we know it was true?
If music could cure hatred why not play it now?
If everyone had a good heart, would everyone have a home?
If books told the truth would we know everything there is to know?
If the world stopped spinning would everyone realize how dizzy and confused we really are?
If abortion were illegal would people still kill innocent lives?
If everyone knew these answers what would they do?
If everyone died of old age would the earth be over populated?
If everyone had their own home and own food would the animals be starving and endangered?
If the sun burst would we cry and wail before we froze?
Or would we take in one last breath calmly and slip away?
Everything would be gone and dead forever
Would the world be the same?

Forest...
I absolutely...
loved it!!

But let's review it.
So I like it's simplicity. You kept it simple, with easy words, but still strong and touching. The topic of the poem, or actually the many topics were absolutely touching. And I liked how you managed to put them all together.
Also, it is very good that you kept it flowing, there weren't many bumps or places in which I totally lost the idea of the poem.
But I have to say that there were places in which you totally missed punctuation and that led me to read everything in a whole.

Forestqueen808 wrote:If everyone knew these answers what would they do?

Like here, I think that after answeres you could have used a comma. And in many other verses you have the same problem. You have to learn to recognize this little issues because they might be little but a misplaced comma can change the sense of a sentence. Trust me I've gone through that.
lol.Sorry, just punctuation freak.

Forestqueen808 wrote:If the world stopped spinning would everyone realize how dizzy and confused we really are?

So simple doesn't mean that you have to write as if you were in any class, just trying to put something in to the poem to finish it. Here, I absolutely disliked your wording, because you could have used better words. Actually, the word dizzy is the one that makes me crazy.I mean it doesn't quite fit.

Something else, Its interesting how you began with facts and them moved into questions. It's not bad just rather confusing in a poem.

But I loved it, it was really good.. Sorry if I was harsh in some part of it, I dind't mean to.
If you need anything else, just PM me.


XOXO
Pudin

Hi.
I liked the beginning more than the end, because the end was different from the rest.
One the first read through, I thought this line sounded like an ending.

Forestqueen808 wrote:If everyone knew these answers what would they do?

Then, I realised that the ending was connected to the sun's death. (Now, I don't think we'd freeze if the sun exploded, because part of the sun would come our way, and we would probably die before it cooled down, but that's besides the point...)

I don't think that you need to say that everything would be gone and the world would be different. Of course it would be. Instead, maybe you could put that other line here.

--McMourning

Wow I really liked this! They are definitely some interesting things to ponder. I do, however, think it is a bit long. It is repetative throughout the whole poem. Not that that is a bad thing, but with how much there is, I find it hard to flow well with so many phrases in it. If anything, I'd remove "If everyone knew these answers what would they do?" Because it sounds like a closing statement. And since you already have a good closing statement, I think you should remove it. Possibly a couple other lines as well.
Again, I really like it though ;)

I loved it. It states question that could actually get one thinking.
But the title doesn't fit its not attractive. Change it to something like "realities" or "facts".
Every other thing to me is ok

I have some mixed feelings on this poem. You bring up some really good points, but the whole poem in general is really repetitive, which makes it kind of dull.
But I like the general idea of it.

Hello Forest,

I absolutely loved your verse! It impresses with its simplicity on the one hand, and the profoundness, on another. People say that the most genious things are those that are simple and that's where I could absolutely sign. The use of rhetorical questions and various figures of speech make the poem eloquent, deep and original. I really enjoyed the ending of the poem that I guess, makes the reader even more attached with your piece searching for the answers to eternal questions about the life, about the world and about us.

Olya

I loved the style and imagery in this poem; it was absolutely breathtaking. Great job. Normally I don't like poetry with strings of questions in them, but this was pulled of perfectly with superb effect. In short, everything was lovely.
keep writing poetry,
empress