Whenever Forever Will Be - Chapter One (Part 1)

8 posts
User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 2297
Reviews 6
Chapter One
Chin Up Solider.

The hot sun leaked down from the heavens, toasting our skin as we lay in the long, lush grass with our hands entwined around each other, our huge sunglasses covering the majority of our faces. Our summer dresses were creased around our sunbathing bodies whilst we listened to the lions roaring in the background; we chatted freely together about insignificant things, the whole meaning of being typical teenage girls. I could hear my brother running around on the burning white sand that surrounded our house; I could smell my mothers cookies baking as we lay buried in the grass. I could feel Micas hand wrapped around my right, and Rays folded in my left. We were best friends, we did everything together. Living in the depths of Africa and being the only white person in the area sometimes made it hard making friends, but I had the most amazing friendship with two girls who i never wanted to let go of.
Beads of sweat dripped down our foreheads as the sun continued to bake our bodies, the crickets in the grass buzzed around us, our toes tapping an unknown beat on the ground. I could hear my mother calling in the distance as we ran hand in hand, following the scent of sweet chocolate cookies...


“Ebony!” I could hear my mum disturbing me, her hands wrapped tightly around my shoulders so her nails were digging in, shocking me to wake up. She was shaking me as my body lay relaxed in her arms. I shuddered slightly when I opened my eyes to see her worried gaze staring back at me, I sat bolt up right wiping the sweat from my face as my mum tucked the hair which was stuck to my face behind my ears. “Are you ok?” my mother asked seriously, as my eyes flickered onto hers. I felt disorientated; the white walls around me looked alien, the contemporary furniture didn’t feel comfortable, and the sound of rain pelting down on the streets of London scared me. My long t-shirt was stuck to my body, forcing me to wriggle out of my damp bed sheets, feeling a stranger to my surroundings.
“Ebony?” my mum called again.
“Yes?” I stammered, wanting to cry, hating every second of what was happening. “I’m fine mum, I’m fine” I replied.
“Ebony, what were you dreaming about?” she said, placing a hand on my shoulders that were shaking slightly. I almost immediately relaxed as I remembered my dream, the memories, and my friends.
“Africa, the sand and the beach, the cookies...” I replied, smiling. She didn’t seem to believe me, as her face stayed fixed as stone, her iris’s small and dilated as if she also didn’t get any sleep.
“Ebony, we might need to go to the doctors to sort this out, it’s getting serious-”
I heaved a heavy sigh, hoping she’d learn to understand before struggling to the bathroom to sort out my shaken self.

Everyone was sat at the kitchen table when I emerged, my face clean, my make-up applied and my hair tied into a neat and perfected bobble. My mother had a flannel to my brothers face when I sat down, scrubbing away at the jam that was smudged across his cheeks. He wriggled and squirmed, his hands grabbing at my mums, informing her quite rudely that he was ‘big enough and old enough to do it himself’, after all it was his first day back at school. He was at the sweet and tender age of eight years old, and he was starting junior school today.
Like all little brothers, he was an absolute terror. He screamed, kicked and whined like a spoilt brat half the time. But whatever he seemed to do, I couldn’t help wanting to stand up for him when he was shouted at, wanting to see him through his first day in a new school, a new year, because after all that’s what big sisters are made for. Looking after their little brothers named Oliver.
“Let him do it himself mum.” I chimed, straightening out my green top and pulling out the creases in my black jeans. She immediately let go, muttering curses under her breath. Everyone listened to me since we got back from Africa. After everything that happened. Sometimes, I knew they were just tiptoeing around me, trying to make sure the accident wasn’t brought up, making sure they didn’t tread on my feelings. But, I’m not selfish. In fact, I hate it how they always feel they need to look out for me, the way they are always asking how I’m feeling. I understand that parents are there to protect their children, but I also was ready for my first day of college. I didn’t need jam wiping off my face any more; I had to deal with those types of things by myself. If anyone needed looking after in all of this, it was Oliver. He couldn’t even understand why we had to move, back to the depths of England, far away from the animals, his friends, his school. All his dreams were there, his memories, his entire life as a little boy and without warning all of that was snatched away from him.
“I’ll be home at half four, have a nice day at work” I muttered, kissing my mum on the cheek. She held me in her arms, and i knew she was going to cry if I stayed any longer with her. I had always been close to my mum, she was the one who read me stories on a night, who tucked me in, and made me feel loved. Don’t get me wrong, I know my dad loves me, but a mother daughter bond is something that can’t quite be broken. “Mum, I’m going to be late” I whispered, trying to remove her arms that were clinging around my neck.
“I hope it all goes well for you Ebony, make some friends, be nice to the teachers, and don’t forget-”
“To be polite, yes I know mum. I love you, and I’m sure work will be as much fun as my day” I laughed, stepping back.
“Be careful” she smiled, squeezing my hand gently.
“Oh for gods’ sake Sandra, she will be fine. Ebony is not a little girl any more, she’s almost seventeen” my dad chimed in, giving me a quick squeeze and a ruffle of my hair. I left them both quarrelling as I wandered over to Oliver and knelt down to his height so he could give me a kiss goodbye.
“Chin up solider.” I smiled, knocking his chin gently, and lifting his lower lip with my index finger.
“I’m scared Ebony” he whispered in my ear as his stubby fingers wrapped around my neck. I peeled them away and stood up so I was once again twice his height.
“Oliver Smith, scared?” I smiled, nudging his shoulder as I threw my school bag over my head, turning around to walk out the door. “Oh, and Oliver?” I called.
“Aha?” he smiled, his teeth on show, his two front ones missing making him look every bit more like a little child.
“If I hear you have been causing fights-”
“There’ll be trouble!” he laughed, finishing off my sentence, making his hands into a fist before I stepped out of my house onto the unfamiliar streets of London.
My hands clung around the black umbrella, rain bouncing off its exterior as I tried so walk as fast as possible in my silver pumps. I even hated the clothes I was wearing, they were so simple, just a pretty top and jeans. I looked like everyone else that was walking past me, there was no variation, and we were all just little clones of each other, in a very materialistic world. In Africa, there were no winding pavements, with shops everywhere you looked. There were no teenagers hanging on street corners, looking for any excuse not to go to school. I’d never seen anything quite like London, the hustle and bustle on the streets, the numerous joggers and roller-bladders stealing the paths. All the men were speed walking in their suits, occasionally breaking into a jog, their mobile phones glued to their ears. People barged right into you, without even a mutter of an apology. I’d only spent six weeks in London, and in so little time I realised how rude we English were. I hated the fact that the rain poured down around me, the way the balls of my feet felt like they were burning as I walked along the pavement, I hated how I couldn’t hear animals roaring, birds singing. I hated it how I was completely unfamiliar with everything that was going on around me.
I could feel my hair had curled completely in the rain as I slowly began to approach the grey building that would soon become known as my school.


Mayfair College, It didn’t look anything special from the outside; it was small, with barely any blocks not like I remembered from the pictures. It was also very dull; the only colours I could see were grey. I walked through the gates as students ran to registration, holding folders above their heads to shield themselves from the rain. I didn’t really know where I was heading, I guessed I needed to be by the reception, but I was so confused by what I saw I didn’t have the guts to ask anyone.
I pulled out a sheet from my bag with the school map printed on it, trying to juggle my brolley under my chin whilst I fished around for it. I carried on walking, my head now buried in my bag as the rain lashed against my face.
“You’re lost?” I heard someone ask me, making my head jump up and my heart leap with shock.
“I’m fine” I replied, looking around not knowing where on earth I had wandered.
“You’re looking for reception?” they asked again.
“I’m new.” I replied, feeling completely isolated.
“You aren’t the only one, half the people you see today are first years. Luckily, they bothered to turn up to the induction day” the voice drawled, making me look directly at them. It was a girl, with a cold face. Her purple bob length hair stood out prominently against her pale face and her high-waisted black skirt looked completely out of place compared to everyone else. Her high heels and white shirt made her look more like a teacher than a pupil, she looked to old to be here, to mature and sensible, yet so dangerous.
“I wasn’t in the country” I said, stumbling slightly over my words.
“I see” she muttered, focusing her deep green eyes that were lined with black eye liner on mine. “Come on, you’ll be late.” She led the way walking in front of me and expecting me to follow - which of course, I did – her hips swaying to a beat I wish I knew, her eyes transfixed on the road ahead – looking everywhere but at me.
We approached a part of the building that looked exactly the same as the rest, and this mystery girl just stood at the doors.
“Go on then, they don’t bite.” She snarled, laughing slightly.
“Aren’t you coming?” I queried as coolly as possible.
“No, I play with the big dogs” she said, as she walked away. If I had a choice, I would have wished she wasn’t the first girl I saw when I entered the gates.
"You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity." - Henry Bromel




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1258
Reviews 4
this is good. i'm really interested in this. your main character has a past, and i want to know what it was. however, there were some grammatical errors such as:
to mature and sensible, yet so dangerous.
the to should be a "too". But other than that, it was really good
"Life is a dream and dreams themselves are only dreams..."




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 7036
Reviews 53
Bonjour! :) I'm Kate. I really liked this story, but (there's always a 'but' isn't there?) I found a few things that you need to clarify.

First off, what happened in Africa that made everyone listen to her? Maybe you should add that in the dream. I didn't really understand that. Also, I am from America, but I would think it's about the same in England, why is she going to college if she isn't even 17 yet? It's just a thought you may want to clear up.

You did have grammar issues, but I don't have time right now to go over them all. PM me if you would like me to. However, you probably just made a mistake, but when saying 'I' you need to make sure it is capitalized. As well as,'Mum'. It needs to be capitalized because it is a proper noun. (Name)

Overall, I really enjoyed this piece and encourage you to continue it. I am curious to find out about the girl with the purple hair. :) Hope you have a great day!

Keep writing!

-Kate
"Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he, then, be trusted with the government of others?"

-Thomas Jefferson




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 2297
Reviews 6
Hiya, thanks for the replies :)
I'll go through it an correct the errors as well.
Butttt I couldn't reveal what happened in Africa as each chapter begins with a part of the dream/ flashbacks as to what happened so it'd ruin it I think - so it ends with a shock as she doesn't reveal it to anyone but when she does eveything seems to take an even bigger turn for the worst - hope that helps?
And I was only 16 when I started college then you leave at 18 to go to university, I think it's a little different in America.
Thank you though :)
"You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity." - Henry Bromel




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 2174
Reviews 59
Hi AmberJane. I really like your piece here. I hope you continue writing. I will look forward into reading your next chapter. I was getting confused though. Is the main character a boy or girl? Because you said "I wish she wasn't the first girl I saw."

But, maybe it will make more sense if I read the next chapter..




Well, hope you keep writing, --Jess.
--Jessie




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 2297
Reviews 6
Hi, I'm glad you enjoyed it :) but yes the main character is a girl and she's talking to a girl as well who's just a bit stuck up - maybe it would be better to change that to person to avoid any confusion :)
"You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity." - Henry Bromel




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 2039
Reviews 8
I really liked this story - great flashback/dream at the beginning, it was so vivid I wouldn't have guessed it wasn't reality. Also, I particularly love the line, 'her hips swayed to a beat I wished I knew'.

Can't wait to read more of Whenever Forever Will Be, I'll keep an eye out for the next chapter :) x




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1802
Reviews 5
I liked it a lot! It was really good. I hope i get to read more of it...



What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.
— Albert Pines