Her Beauty

Just so you know, this poem is better with the tune i have in my head for it...try and sing it out and see...I don't know, or just read and comment. Oh, just so you know, it rhymes and its about this girl I'm friends with who is so beautiful, and she makes me feel bad because she calls herself so ugly. She needs to get over herself. So...review and be honest!
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Her Beauty

Here I am again,
Listening to my friend,
Listening to her complaints of how she looks,
Does not she know,
How I so,
Envy her why does she not see,
The beauty she holds,
Like a child holds,
A blanket late at night when it’s cold,
I wish she would just,
See the way I see,
She needs to see,
The way she’s beauty,
At its greatest,
She’s more than pretty,
Doesn’t she see,
How she’s like a flower,
Delicate and how,
I wish I could let her know,
Let her know that,
Let her see that,
She’s gorgeous,
I hate that,
She thinks she’s so ugly
I see that she’s beauty its finest,
So hopefully she now sees,
How stunning she is to all of us,
I hope that,
I wish that,
I know that,
One day she’ll see how beauty really is,
How foolish she was to think that way,
All the guys drool,
And all the girls brood,
Knowing why the guys look the other way,
When this one girl,
Enters the room,
But that girl doesn’t see the beauty,
She thinks that she’s so ugly,
Well baby that’s not true,
Why would I be,
Her friend and let her say that,
I hope that,
She now sees,
The beauty,
Her beauty
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Come on!!! Review!!!!!

This was beautiful! I'm so touched that you would write this for your friend! I only saw one part that looked funny:

"Does not she know,"
Did you mean does she not know? If so change that okay.

Well, that's all! I have to go to bed 'cause I have a tummy ache from eating mocha mudslide ice cream. It's good, but deadly! Ha ha, that's all, bye-bye!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Summer Night

It is so refreshing to read a poem where the girl is not envious of her friend's beauty. You mention it briefly, but it is evident to me that your jealousy is not one that consumes you and keeps you from being a great friend. I love that.

As for critiques, there were parts that didn't seem to flow right. Perhaps this is because of your punctuation. I read once that you punctuate poetry just like you would normal prose. Basically, if you were to write this poem out in paragraph form, you would add commas and periods were it is most natural to pause. Here is an example to illustrate my point:

She needs to see,The way she’s beauty,At its greatest,

You don't need that overuse of commas. Instead, it should read more like this:

She needs to see the way she's beauty, at it's greatest.

Just to drive my point home, I counted 45 commas in this piece. Edit your punctuation and I think this poem would sparkle!

Hi there a_kittens_claws! I'm Conrad Rice, and I will be your reviewer for today.

So, I liked this poem. It was refreshing to hear a view such as the one it presents. Moriah said that it was good that the view was not one of envy, and I have to agree. I like the encouraging feeling you have going on here, the way that the speaker really does think highly of her friend and thinks that she should see the beauty that others see.

The only thing I think you should do is fix up your lines. Don't capitalize the first word of every line if it doesn't start a new sentence. As it was, I thought for a bit that the speaker hated her friend's beauty, until I looked and saw that she just hated the way her friend thinks she's ugly. Stuff like that can inadvertently change the way that people view your poem. And I don't think you want that to happen.

So, all in all, a good poem, but you do need to do some work on it. I did like this poem though. It reminds me of this country song "She Don't Know She's Beautiful." I don't remember who it's by though, so oh well. Thank you for sharing this poem with us. If you have any questions or comments, send me a PM.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice