Why?

4 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 4867
Reviews 35
Why do we try to justify ourselves
To say we were right
When in reality
We were the ones that were wrong?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened...
Before. ---Dare you to move by, Switchfoot---




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 49068
Reviews 373
Hi babygirl!

Well I don't think this would count as a poem. More of a quote, which should be placed in the Literary Misc. Forum.

Quick mention:

There is a lack of punctuation in this 'mini - poem'/ quote.

Comma after 'ourselves' and 'reality'
Period after 'right'

I might want to move this to the correct forum. Either contact a mod to move it for you, or re - post it in the forum yourself.

PM if you need any tips/assistance with anything! :D

Kamas
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles." ~ Charles Chaplin

#tnt




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4884
Reviews 46
Hi,
First off, I think you were going for a deeper meaning and understanding? It wasn't touching in any way, shape or form to be honest.
Second off, I agree with Kamas and maybe this isn't a poem at all. No I'm sure this isn't a poem at all. Use it as a quote and put it where Kamas said it should go.
Now, keep working at it and maybe if it were longer than it could become a better poem. An actual, real live poem and not some strange short quote.
Get it? Hope I helped.

-Rena.
rena;;let the future pass and don't let go




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 10262
Reviews 77
I kind of agree... it isn't a poem. Well, yet at least.

Maybe... try spacing it differently? If I spaced one of my poems the way most are, I would have about a ten- line poem. Instead, it's about 24. whoops.

maybe...
why do we try
to justify
ourselves
try to say we are
right

get it? Spacing is everything, in my opinion.

Also, in the beginning, your poem is present- tense (why do) and then in the end it us past tense (we were)
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow"
-mary anne radmacher



Powerful men have a way of avoiding consequences.
— Dr. Harrison Wells, The Flash