Blood like rivers.

A short poem I wrote one November night. Enjoy!
----

Hostile glares and painful stares,
point the gun but keep it there.
Torturing dreams and sleepless nights,
his face and body fill my sights.
Letting go is harder than it seems,
when all that's left is merely a dream.
Close you eyes then pull the trigger,
my troubles will pour out as smooth as rivers.

---
If you didn't catch what's happening at first I'd be delighted to point it out for you. Comment please!

Hi Loveless.

Quite a nice piece, for flow it's really well done. I must admit it's really great.

It's a little too short to give you a very long review. But I must say it's really a stroke of great inspiration you had.

My best tip for you:

Don't shoot yourself in the foot. Saying that it just something you thought of, and you didn't put any effort in it sort of lowers expectation of the reader. Just post your poem and thank the person for reading, don't form the reader's opinion before they have a chance to read what you've got for them.

Really that's all I have for you. Lovely job.

Kamas

I like it. For something that you just randomly thought of, it's pretty good, although usually that is how poetry works, now, isn't it? lol
The only major problem that I have with it is the syllable count. For the first half of the poem, the rhythm was spot-on, and then it kind of went all over the place for the last four lines. Still, the effort is there and I enjoyed it.

I revised it, I hope this version is better! Thanks for the advice spring and Kamas! It really helped a lot.

XOXOXOXO
Summer Night

No problem my dear. Just remember that, it's help your ego in the long run.

Keep writing,

Kamas

This is a great poem
but too short to read
but in fairness it speak
a long journey of thoughts...