Being Second Best

So later that night she told me:

"Elise, remember that guy George we met at the beach? Well he asked me out! I'm super excited! Help me get ready, he'll be here soon!"

This shouldn't have surprised me, because Lisa was so much more beautiful than I,

with her shiny platinum blonde hair that hung gracefully,

with my plain brown hair and green eyes I was never noticed,

...I will support her no matter how difficult.

"That's um.. great Lisa, all though I bet I'll spend a lot of vacation alone now."

"Course not, your my best friend!..."

snowleopard*96 wrote:When I was a young girl, I had dreams of romance and love. Though when i capitalize was 15 Comma. (Write out the word "fifteen" to make it look more professional.) I thought they were about to come true. I saw George. George was had shiny black hair that went nearly to his chin, his eyes were hazel that I lost my self "my self" can be one word. in with every peek. You see Comma it was my first vacation without my parents You may want to add a period and then start the sentence with "it". only me and my best friend Comma Lisa. So later that night she told me. If this is an introduction to what she is saying, you should use a colon instead of a period.
"Elise, remember that guy George we met at the beach? Well comma he asked me out! I'm super excited! Help me get ready, he'll be here soon!"
This shouldn't have surprised me because Lisa was so much more beautiful than I, Period To make this a complete sentence you could add "what" at the beginning of this sentence. with her shiny platinum blonde hair that hung gracefully, her piercingly I believe this should be "piercing" instead of "piercingly". blue eyes, and perfectly toned figure. I was always used to being second best with my plain brown hair and green eyes Period I was never noticed, unless someone wanted Lisa. Though because I thought George was different, I thought this would be different. Since Lisa is my best friend I will support her no matter how difficult.
"That's comma um.. Add another dot to make it a complete ellipses great Lisa. All though comma I bet I'll spend a lot of vacation alone now. Comma" I said with a fake grin.
"Course not Period or exclamation mark. your This should be "you're" or "you are". my best friend! I'll find someone for you to hang out with, Period I won't leave you alone Period" Lisa grinned at me while flipping through her designer clothes.
"Okay...Thanks. He's here! Run Period George is coming!" I peered through the window.
"Crap...distract him for five minutes. Capitolplease Elise! I'm not even dressed!" Lisa begged me.
And of course I said yes. So I ran down the stairs to answer the door Comma cursing myself for not wearing any make-up. Oh my god "God" is a proper noun, therefore it needs to be capitalized. Also, comma. he looked adorable in a blue button-down. When he saw me he opened the door and walked in.
"Elise! So good to see you! Is Lisa ready?" George walked in to "In to" can be one word. the living room of our suite.
"Lisa will be down in five, Period nice to see you Comma too. Will you be hitting the beach tomorrow?" I didn't realize how lame I sounded until I had already said it. I started fidgeting in the chair.
Thank God that's when Lisa showed up! George immediately stood and they headed for his Bentley. I sneaked to the window Comma hoping to catch a glimpse of him. There he is Comma still gorgeous heading on a date with my best friend.

To be honest, this story is a little cliché. You might want to add something in there to make it a little more original. You should brush up on your punctuation, too. But, besides that, it wasn't bad.
PM me if you have any questions.

Though, when i I was 15 fifteen, I thought they were about to come true.

I saw George. , George he was had shiny black hair that went nearly to his chin, his eyes were hazel that I lost my self in with every peek.

You see, it was my first vacation without my parents, only me and my best friend, Lisa. So later that night she told me.

This shouldn't have surprised me, because Lisa was so much more beautiful than I, with her shiny platinum blond hair that hung gracefully, her piercingly blue eyes, and perfectly toned figure.

I was always used to being second best, with my plain brown hair and green eyes I was never noticed, unless someone wanted Lisa.

"That's um.. ... great, Lisa. All though Although, I bet I'll spend a lot of vacation alone now."

"Course not, your you're my best friend! I'll find someone for you to hang out with, I won't leave you alone!" Lisa grinned at me while flipping through her designer clothes.

"Okay... ,thanks. He's here! Run, George is coming!"

"Crap... ,distract him for five minutes. please, Elise! I'm not even dressed!"

And of course I said yes. , I ran down the stairs to answer the door, while cursing at myself for not wearing any make-up. Oh, my god he looked adorable in a blue button-down. When he saw me, he opened the door and walked in.