All I Want

All I Want

I don't want a lot, all I want is to be loved and rich and hated and famous and envied and lose it all and tell the truth and become pure evil and hide sadness with a smile and I want to destroy everything you love and bring peace to the world and do something meaningful and commit unspeakable acts and create life and deliver myself from the falseness and fight my fellow man and tell you how I really feel and I want to love you and hate you and save you and rape you and make you mine forever until time becomes never and I want to become something different and unique and I want to fit in and I want to show everyone the truth and hide from it all and I want to be God and live forever and I want to die.

First off, this is all one very long, unregulated, difficult to read sentence.

I think you really need to edit this before anyone tries to analyze the poem itself. At first it looked to me like a very short essay that didn't have much flow that was mistakenly posted under poetry...

It really needs formatting. I don't know about other writer's opinions, but to me, it's very difficult to edit something that is written all over the place.

Try putting it in
Stanzas at the side
Of the page
Like this.

Or something else
so long as it has
some structure.
Really, it's very
Difficult to read
Something all chopped up
And tossed together
Like this block
Of Text.

It sounds pretty good, actually, the word choice, but I can't really edit it if it's too hard to read.

I know what you mean. I was between two ways of formatting, but I was having trouble deciding which worked better. It's an conventional style and there's no real pattern to it per se, more just a consistent feel. This was the other way that I had it. I didn't like it as much but you can tell me what you think. Maybe it's just me.

I don't want a lot
all I want is to be loved and rich
and hated and famous and envied
and lose it all and tell the truth
and become pure evil
and hide sadness with a smile
and I want to destroy everything you love
and bring peace to the world and do something meaningful
and commit unspeakable acts
and create life
and deliver myself from the falsehood
and tell you how I really feel
and I want to love you
and hate you
and save you
and rape you
and make you mine forever until time becomes never
and I want to become something different and unique
and I want to fit in
and I want show everyone the truth and hide from it all
and I want to be God
and live forever
and die

That format is way easier to read! I can read it now, and interpet it.


First: this should be rated at least PG 13 due to the sexual references.

So this is a dark poem. I really think a different title would be lot better. "All I Want" just doesn't give the feeling that the rest of it has.


This is really an intruiging work. It reminds me of the story of Benedict Arnold, a brilliant general and hated traitor during the American Revolution. He kept turning on the people who thought they could trust him, all in the name of getting glory for himself.

He was rather a narcicist, and didn't care about hurting others as long as he got to be the glorified hero he always dreamed of being.

so this is about a guy and his girlfriend/partner who he wants to love, hate, and control for his own sake of enjoyment.

Although the concept is great, you need to do a lot of work with the word choice here.

Just about every line starts with "and" which is very, very boring. It could be a spine-chilling piece if you tweaked it just right, so that the redundant words wouldn't infringe on the dark side of this piece.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY like it, I get what you mean. Very easy to relate to but...
Yeah the structure should have been more punctuated. Instead of a huge run-on sentence maybe you could have done:

I don't want a lot,
all I want is to be loved,
and rich,
and hated,
and rich,
and famous,
and envied,

Ect.,

Then it might have been a bit easier to read. But other than that, if you punctuate it, it would be AWESOME/BEAUTIFUL, I REALLY like this one. And again, I think a lot of people could easily agree with this poem.
If you write another one similar to this, I'd really like a message with the link








I just read the other formatted thing you did, and I like that one better but I guess I kinda like the huge sentence too! I guess they are both really unique and perfect in their own ways! You're a really good poet

vox nihili wrote:That format is way easier to read! I can read it now, and interpet it.


First: this should be rated at least PG 13 due to the sexual references.

So this is a dark poem. I really think a different title would be lot better. "All I Want" just doesn't give the feeling that the rest of it has.


This is really an intruiging work. It reminds me of the story of Benedict Arnold, a brilliant general and hated traitor during the American Revolution. He kept turning on the people who thought they could trust him, all in the name of getting glory for himself.

He was rather a narcicist, and didn't care about hurting others as long as he got to be the glorified hero he always dreamed of being.

so this is about a guy and his girlfriend/partner who he wants to love, hate, and control for his own sake of enjoyment.

Although the concept is great, you need to do a lot of work with the word choice here.

Just about every line starts with "and" which is very, very boring. It could be a spine-chilling piece if you tweaked it just right, so that the redundant words wouldn't infringe on the dark side of this piece.

It's interesting that you interpreted it as being about a guy and a girl. I can certainly see where you got that from, and I suppose it is a part of it to some extent, but I actually kind of intended it to be a bit broader in scope. It's mainly about the concept of how someone feels conflicting desires throughout their life, simultaneously wanting everything from life and yet also nothing, as well as all of the darker feelings that people often keep inside them, or may have only felt for a fleeting moment here and there. So, that's why the title is what it is, though I am open to change with it and it was basically the first thing that came into my head.

Thanks for the comments though, I really appreciate them!

Hey Francis! Where have you been? I wondered why you've barely been around as of late. Anyway, June here.

Poetry is what you make it. I really like the prose poetry feel to this as you had it originally. The line breaks kind of ruin the effect, because now it sounds more like a vow or something. It's cute the way you originally had it, and I think you should keep it that way, because it has a personal touch to it like that. Kind of raw, and seemingly unrefined, you know?

The run on sentence style -- excellence. It's cleanly done, and that makes it read effortlessly. I enjoyed reading this, Francis, and I think you should keep it the way you originally had it.

Best of luck, dear,

June

Hey, thanks for the comments! Hah, I'm surprised anyone noticed I had been gone. I thought I was kind of a lurker around here. Glad you liked poem though. It's interesting how people's opinions seem to go both ways on the run-on sentence/formatted style. Still not sure which I personally like better.