in love with the chilly night and neon lights and stars that sting the smoggy atmosphere like tears, with the thrum of cars and the bustle of bars and the vagabonds strumming their broken guitars, she wonders if steel has a soul or pavement a pulse, if the city is singing a lovesong.
"I myself am composed entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."- Augusten Burroughs
This was cute! Excellent flow and uppity style to this; I really enjoyed it. At first, the rhyme struck me as off (probably because I was reading it slowly), but as I read to the end, I was able to appreciate this. I don't have much to say on criticism points, dear, but I really did enjoy this.
Keep writing!
- June
"I'd steal somebody's purse if I could google it and then download it." -- Firestarter
I really enjoyed this poem. But i must agree with the two earlier posts. May be because the first 4 lines are so thick and the final 4 are so small and those are actually the best ones. There was a rhyme scheme in the first four.
Line 1: stars Line 2: tears Line 3 & 4: i think here is where a reader would get thrown off, i believe you should take off "and the" and leave it guitars and had started Line 4 with "While" and adjust strumming to just strum. Line 6-8: and simply break off into another stanza or something.
