One Final Time

Ok so this is not very good but still review.

We were two lovers,
just one of a kind
Until we broke up,
and seperated
over time.

I thought about life,
and how much I missed him,
but when he showed up
he was with my best friend.

All that she wanted
was to screw him
then she would leave,
and be threw with him.

But just as I thought
things would get bad
she left him behind,
all alone and sad.

He dissapeared again
leaving me worried,
and sad

But just like before,
he came back.

He fell in love
with my other best friend,
and then I found out
that she liked him.

I acted like I was happy,
and that they were good together,
but deep inside
it felt like my heart
was being ripped to pieces.

I knew it would do no good,
to tell her my feelings
so i felt them alone,
and sat in misery.

Days went by
I counted them off
till I could take no more
so I made my heart stop.

I aimed the gun at my head,
and said one final thing
before I was dead.

I miss you I said,
you were one of a kind
then I looked up
one final time.

hello christy !!! quiet the poem you have here my friend...itssad that you had to go and watch this...and that your friends went through this along with you...

i didn't like the repetition of words.. .like sad.. and him and he came back and all that... it didn't move too well... i think there are A LOT of usless lines...and when they are clered away it would be a lot better =]...i won't go into too much detail... it seems like a touchy subject though...

best of luck my dear...

Eddie

This poem has such, whats the word, passion I should say. I could feel the pain in that poem. It's like I was there feeling exaclty what you were. Nice job pn capturing my attention. The poem was amazing. Keep up the good work.

Ok. Just so you know, I hate love poems. Hate them with a burning passion. Love poems suck up a writers time and energy, and when they are complete, they are unoriginal. There is nothing you can say that hasn't been said before.
That being said, I thought the first part of this poem was justifiable, and fairly sad. When you got to the last part though, you stopped conveying the right feeling. Or any feeling for that matter. The readers were separated from the poem by a river of grief. If you could define that grief more, the readers will identify better.

I like this poem. it is very interesting and I think other people will like this poem too. It's sad and depressing but I like those types of poems. The poem's message is a good message for people to learn. The poem flows well. I don't think that there is anything wrong with this poem.