Two Gay Poems

I'm not personally gay, but I don't like how gay people are getting treated, so I made a poem about it.
The 'comical' version:

Yeah, we're gay
And we're happy everyday
We're going to keep on fighting
Until we see some writing
On a law that reads
That two men can get married






The 'serious' version (it doesn't rhyme, though).
Now this is from a gay person's point of view.

A simple request
To share the love with our soulmate
But what if the soulmate is of the same gender?
Oh, well, people will not fight for us
Even though I'm just like you
Except I like people of my gender
Is that so bad?
No, so why will no one understand?
Discrimination
Pain
Insults
No one cares
Think we're evil
But we're not
What is the difference between heterosexual and homosexual?
Not much
Just liking people of the different gender
Or of the same
We just want the traditional ceremony
Of declaring sharing the love with our soulmate until death
But will any one even let us?
No.
What would happen if we got married without permission?
Would they arrest us?
Would they harm us?
I guess so.
It's a simple request
Just make it a law
Just make it all stop
The descrimination
The insults
The pain
I was only born this way
So why must I suffer?
No one will answer
If I want to be treated normally
I must hide what I am
But what if I don't want to hide what I am?
No one will answer

copyright March 24, 2010 maegardens

On a law that reads
That two men can get married

This seems a bit awkward, but reading it over it doesn't seem as awkward. Maybe because the last two letters don't really rhyme as well as the others. But it's unique - never read a poem over this subject.

hey, i like it!!
I'm on the same boat as you on this situation.
Its unique for a change:)

Haha, I really like this, made me chuckle, though I'm not sure if I was supposed to? Anyway, I was drawn to the title like "What the heck?" So I'm surprised you don't have as many reviews.. And I can't review to save my life, so I just babble on.

Hey, thanks for all the reviews guys! And, lemonly, it is kind of a humorous poem.

Same as you, I'm not homosexual but I hate that they can't get married! We should write poems and stories and make plays and create movies about this. I wonder if we all banned together and created a 'Gay Poems' book would the world maybe reconsider it all? Thanks for writing this. And down to it, good poem. Nice rhyme scheme. Keep it up.


-Rena.

Just 2 men? What about 2 woman? It should be for everyone lol.

And it's okay. No review is nessesary. *thumbs up*

The title made me like the poem before i read it, haha.

silented1, I know. I was thinking of doing a lesbian poem, too. But it's hard to find rhymes that rhyme with lesbian, and usually the words aren't what I'm looking for! Haha, thanks again for all your comments. I'll try to release a lesbian poem (if I can find any rhymes)!

My problems with this poem are twofold;

The first, it's not a good poem. It's totally devoid of imagery, plot, or language. And honestly, if you're not going for any one of these things, why write a poem, as opposed to a sentence?

The second, is that I don't believe it. I'll make no assumptions about your background, or where this poem comes from, but what this poem lacks entirely is emotion. Imagery/plot/language are vehicles to this emotion, but I just am not convinced that this poem is meant to be taken seriously. It touches on a highly controversial issue, an issue that affects the lives of many many people, and this poem gives it no weight. This is an issue that deserves emotion, whether mournful or angry or anything else. This is poetry writing advice in general, but because this poem so specifically ends on a political point, then you owe us much much more to do this issue justice.

The last thing this poem needs to do it rhyme- if it happens, great, if it doesn't, whatever- but you should be able to do much better with this. Give this much more time and effort.

And your title does you no service. Considering the colloquial use of the term 'gay' it just trivializes your point further.

Loved it. I admire and tip my hat to you. For standing up for what is right and for posting this. I am not gay either but I oppose all forms of prejudice. It's comforting to know there are decent people out there who will not stand it either.

Matt

Hey there,

As much as I admire the reasons why you've written this poetry, I find myself agreeing with almost everything said by smorgishborg. I think that the way this is written makes it seem like a light hearted rap and the fact it's been entitled "A Gay Poem" altogether makes the entire thing sound comical. That's not doing you any justice because it comes across to me as you taking the mickey. In fact I'd consider rewriting this, renaming it and installing some of those emotive drives. At the end of the day this is about writing and to get it up to scratch you're going to need to paint us some vivid imagery and strong emotions & actions, or you'll just lose your readers to immaturity.

Hope this helps & keep writing,
Ben