Nationl Honor Society Essay due next week PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4776
Reviews 75
National Junior Honor Society Essay


I want to be a member of the National Junior Honor Society
because it would be a great accomplishment. My two older cousins who go to
Richmond Christian Private School have also earned this honor. I admire
them for that because they are two of the greatest people I have ever met, and it
would be amazing to be like them in some shape or form.
The National Junior Society represents and emphasizes the factors of
service, character, citizenship, and leadership. Those words sum up what has
been taught in my family over the years, and they are components that describe
me. Every summer I go on a mission trip out of the state (sometimes out of the
country) with my youth group.
I have been told on countless occasions that I am a hard worker, and I'm not a coward when it comes to testing my limits. An example of this is when I went to Potter's Children Home in Bowling Green, Kentucky this past summer with my youth group on a mission trip. All the girls where inside cleaning and cooking, while I was outside with a sledge hammer smashing up concrete, removing unidentifiable junk out of a numerous stairwells, and moving heavy boxes up and down over three flights of stairs. Those tasks and many others are not what you would call remotely easy. Some of the guys in my group quit before I did, and we were doing the same work.
I've been raised in the church and I believe in God, a fact that I'm not afraid of saying. I do my best in trying to be polite and courteous of other people, and I strive to lend a hand to anyone that needs it. I consider myself a modest person, so writing this essay is difficult because I have to brag about myself. I no longer have terrible stage fright like I used to, and it's fun to jump up and perform for people, especially little kids.
My definition of citizenship is someone who stands by their country even when things get tough, and respects their own and others' rights. As a minor, I don't have as many rights as an adult, though I do my best to uphold the ones I do have. I fully support our troops and agree when people say, "If you don't want to stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them."
As for leadership, I have no problem with being a leader, and it's something that I enjoy, but I do know when it's my place to back out and be a follower.
One of my main reasons for wanting to be in the National Junior Honor Society, is that it will look very good on college applications. I need to get into a good college if I ever want to be a successful pediatrician. That is my chosen profession because I love children. I find their truthful innocence to be endearing and the Bible says in numerous places to "be like little children". I also love helping and healing people, and my family agrees that I would be suitable for that job.
It would mean so much to me to be one of the lucky students to receive this high honor.
Last edited by tori1234 on Sat Feb 27, 2010 4:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba
Sithi uhm ingonyama
Nants ingonyama bagithi baba
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama
Ingonyama
Siyo Nqoba
Ingonyama
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

If you know what this is from, become my best friend. =)




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 9682
Reviews 156
Hi.
I'm not in the Honor Society, so I really know what they are looking for, but...I think the paragraphs need to have better transitions. After talking about citizenship, don't just say. "As for leadership..." You have to tie them together. (The same goes, of course, for the other paragraphs.)

EDIT: Well, I hope you can see that you jump around. "We were doing the same work." Then you immediately say you were raised in the church. How do these go together? They don't. That is the purpose of a transition. You need to tie the two together. Are you a hard worker because God has taught you to never give up? Maybe better, you work hard because you know that God will support you and give you the strength you need to continue. If neither of these are true and you cannot tie them together, then you will need to rearrange the paragraphs so that you can tie each one to the next.
Last edited by McMourning on Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"One voice can be stronger than a thousand voices, " Captain Kathryn Janeway




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4776
Reviews 75
Can you give me some sort of an example please?
Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba
Sithi uhm ingonyama
Nants ingonyama bagithi baba
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama
Ingonyama
Siyo Nqoba
Ingonyama
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

If you know what this is from, become my best friend. =)



here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings