Young Writers Society

I really didn't know
what he wanted from me
all of those times he said
he loved me.

I really didn't know
how much I could cry
after hearing just one
single lie.

I had no idea
how much pain could come
from the little scrawled letters
on a page, half a sheet long.

I never really knew
the words I hate you
could really break you
and shatter you heart into pieces.

I never knew the cuts on your wrist
distinguished who you are
and how you live.

I never knew someone could be so mean
behind a smile
that seemed so sweet.

I never knew
how the person who meant the world to you
could tear down that world in seconds.

And I never knew how that same person
could pick up the pieces of your heart
and put them back together for you.

I never knew one person
could shatter your world,
and put it back together again.

I never knew
I could love a person
so much after all they had done.

I never knew
I would find a person like you
and love you
no matter what you say
or what you do.

I never knew
I would love you.

i couldn't read that all the way through the first time. I can understand your pain and i wish i could send a virtual hug... I'm sorry for whatever happened and i promise you it'll get better. I can tell you now that this place is the best way to get your heart reviewed and loved. that could be your virtual hug. The writting was beauitfiul.. no problems there

Thank you so much I really needed that sobebomb.

so very welcome.

That was very nice and well-written! Sorry about whatever happened to you in real life...i hope it gets better.

Heyy that was a great poem and i could tell alot of emoution went into it and just want you to know i know how you feel. the way it was written down was amazing. i liked the way you hade soem of the lines rhyme but it wasn't like a really obvious rhyme. LOVe the poem but im sorry about what happened!!!

I think you should have stopped the poem half way through. After that it just got repetitive, and at the end...clingy. Don't act like that in real life.
Guess what?
Now you know.

Hello Flower! Very sorry I didn't get to this sooner. But, I am finally here as requested!

The first thing I noticed here is a rather inconsistent rhyming scheme. Your first and second stanzas are A, B, C, B rhyme scheme, your third stanza is the same scheme, however, you don't have a perfect rhyme (like before) which makes the stanza look different. The remainder of the stanzas go into free-verse and don't really have a rhyme scheme that's consistent. Such variations in rhyme make this poem rather jarring to read. First thing to do if you edit this poem is clean that up; make every stanza the same rhyming pattern (be it free-verse or a strict rhyme like before). Or, if you don't want everything to be A, B, C, B rhymes, you can make a pattern with the rhyme-schemes for different stanzas. Whatever you do, make sure it's consistent. ^_^

I noticed "you" showed up a lot, especially at the end of lines. This is another thing that made the rhyme-scheme look a bit off: since "you" showed up at the end a lot, it looked like a stylistic choice, but it wasn't consistent enough to be one. Consistency in poetry is key.

Also, at first you call the guy in the poem "he," the third person, but come the end you're addressing this guy as "you," second person. That switch is a bit sudden. I'd pick just one way to address this guy all the way through.

All that being said, I think you have a good base here. I have written poetry like this before, full of inconsistencies that just came up as I was writing because I was getting my emotions out. This is not a bad thing. It just means that, when editing, you need to take the basic ideas and polish them up. I liked the way you touched on various aspects of a relationship, being broken and built-up by the same person. I also liked the repetition of "I never knew." Because you vary the word choice and line length, it doesn't look repetitive.

This is a solid work, Flower. Just needs a little polishing. ^^

Hope this helps, and PM me with any questions!

~Rosey

Thank you for reviewing it for me I will work on that.

This was great. A very deep and touching poem. This explains so well the pain that some people find that comes with loving someone who doesn't want to love you back. I know the feeling well. You have put the emotion out very well here, better than I have done the many times that I have tried. The unique way you worded it and your lack of varied punctuation was very expressive. From the first line to the last you had me drawn in. Keep writing!

~Lukan

I really liked this. It had depth, rhythm, and it flowed wonderfully. I could sense your pain. It then took a twist to happiness; the smooth U-turn from pain and sorrow, to happiness and love...I loved it! ^^ I don't see nothing wrong with your poem, it's wonderful. I enjoyed the whole thing from beginning to end.