The Deaths from the Easter Bunny We Mourn

**Read**
This is just to clear a few things up so ya'll don't think I'm crazy, haha. This was an assignment we got for L.A. where we have to write about something "creepy" (we can make it humorous too..hence my poem was born). We have to fit in 20 infinitve phrases, so that is why I have a lot of "to.." going on. Its pretty freaky..makes you think about that bunny a few times now..huh? Haha. Hope you like, and please review. I want it to be good, so I can change things if I need to (due tomorrow). Thankyou! Also for some reason the spaces aren't showing up..? I don't know why, so sorry for it being cluttered.

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April is the month when it comes to stalk,
To haunt and block away all thoughts.

To think is what you need to do,
For someone naïve it seems,
To be nothing bad until the blood begins to stream,
Soon you realize this is no mere dream,
Suddenly your mouth begins to scream.

It may seem cute,
Until it begins to raise its sharp basket to execute.

Soft and pink,
You seem to think,
Soon though it begins to drink,
Your blood to become more full before you can even blink.

To watch closely dear friend,
Is what I recommend,
To listen carefully dear friend,
To be careful till the very end,
For to kill and to surprise is often its trend.

All I’m trying to say to you,
Is not to listen and be fooled when people say its cute,
For that is something very untrue.

Oh dear,
My end is near,
As my heart begins to beat faster and faster,
I realize he’s behind me,
This is a disaster.

Oh my dear JD. I've looked at this and I can't even review it, it is just so adorable.
The rhyme is off, the flow is too. The language is okay, could be better but I can't help but adore this.



Seriously xD

Kamas

Adorable? Haha, right. xD
Yeah, thats why I wanted a proper review woman >:O
As far as the flow goes (not trying to explain myself here) it makes more sense with the spaces, I have it in a specific kinda layout. Don't know why its not showing up though:/
But yep, haha thaaanks.

I don't write much poetry, but I agree with Kamas. The rhyme is off, and I think you could go back in a sort out a few sentences as far as the clarity of the poem. Overall, very creepy!

-Kate

*puts on shredding gloves* I warn you: You asked for it.



Well then let us begin:

April is the month when it comes to stalk,
To haunt and block away all thoughts.

Now, this line in itself is fine, the flow works etc, but what does it have to do with the rest of the poem. Are you referring to the thoughts of this killer bunny (pause that ... lawl). Of thing, the way you start the flow right off the bat like this with these words makes the rhyme, childish. And not in the humorous way you are aiming for through writing this poem. Childish as is ill-constructed/chosen sentences. Now it's just the sentence itself, you can't do much about it without changing it completely but if you're okay with that I'd stay away from what I like to call the 'half rhyme'. Where you pick words that have a similar pronunciation or vowel sounds. It's just a cheat to get a rhyme. It takes a lot of work to get a 'half rhyme' to work properly, and I admit to having used it as well but you have to really watch how you use it.

To think is what you need to do,
For someone naïve it seems,
To be nothing bad until the blood begins to stream,
Soon you realize this is no mere dream,
Suddenly your mouth begins to scream.

Ehhh No! Not the 'ream team' Once again childish and you went from a half rhyme to ABCCC rhyme. Bad JD >:O Rhymes are patterns to follow. Follow them. There are several types of rhymes I shall go over with you, just as a reminder as I hope you understand what they mean:

AA, BB, CC rhyme
ABA rhyme
AB CB DB rhyme
ABC (non rhyme)
ABCC rhyme
etc. Just any combination.

It may seem cute,
Until it begins to raise its sharp basket to execute.

Another trend I noticed. Irregular stanza length. It is actually annoying to me xD I don't know about the others.
(as you may have noticed I'm avoiding content completely, It would break my heart if I shredded your idea)
It's just unappealing to my eyes and just ... like rhyming, needs to be more consistent. Not 2 lines, 8 lines, 10 lines, 3 lines etc. It just doesn't work.

Soft and pink,
You seem to think,
Soon though it begins to drink,
Your blood to become more full before you can even blink.

Again 'ink team. Childish, inconsistent and a little irritating.

To watch closely dear friend,
Is what I recommend,
To listen carefully dear friend,
To be careful till the very end,
For to kill and to surprise is often its trend.

Friend, is redundant in this stanza. As well as the 'end team' because in this stanza it is an AAAAA rhyme. Choose a rhyming scheme and stick to it.

All I’m trying to say to you,
Is not to listen and be fooled when people say its cute,
For that is something very untrue.

ABC (Non) rhyme. Again Inconsistent rhyming! Grr.

Oh dear,
My end is near,
As my heart begins to beat faster and faster,
I realize he’s behind me,
This is a disaster.

Inconsistent again!


You see I slacked off at the end as it is late and I am a tired instructor. But the best I can suggest is review it.
The idea is just great, the rhyming scheme is ... bad. The stanza length would help. If they were more even it would match up more and be easier to have a theme. *rests* Hope that's what you asked for.

Kamas

Haha, I love you. xD