i wish

i stare
and wonder
whats going through her mind
wishing that i had magic
so that i could know
if she felt
the same way i did about her
i wish she would know
my every thought and desire
that i had ever felt
about her
i wish i was magical
so that i could show
her all the images
of her that run through my head
and the way my heart feels about her
i wish she were mine
just like my heart is tied to her
i wish i could make her fly
to show her the joy i feel when im with her
i wish that my dreams
would come true
i wish i had magic
to make dreams come true

I like this, I think it could flow better though, and it could give more imaginary. You should make it more alive, why do you want the person to be yours is there something important about them?

Yes you should definitely make it flow better. Right now it's just kind of words put together in a giant paragraph. Even though rhyming isn't necessary for a poem it helps it flow very smoothly, so try that in your next poem. I like the concept. I think a lot of people feel the same way which is good in a poem, relation is almost needed in lyrical poetry. Good luck.

I like this a lot, but you need to proof read and put some commas and periods into it. This poem seems very good natured and sweet to me, it brings a smile to the readers face. Honestly, though it is a little choppy in some of the lines. I know different styles of poetry can be like that but just from the readers perspective it is very choppy to read.

"i wish i was magical
so that i could show
her all the images
of her that run through my head"

Especially here, I just felt like you chopped up a whole sentence and put it into different lines to make a stanza. Poetry can have long lines in a stanza, it's okay. You don't need to separate it, I learned that the hard way.

Those are just some of the things I saw, I hope this helped and wasn't too critical.
Good luck with your writing.

i think the same, you have a good concept though.

Hey its Angel23
I see your poem is quite popular, and of course I couldn't help but comment.
So below you will see quite a few changes. Their just a few suggestions, besides the actual grammer stuff. Enjoy


I stare
and wonder
whats going through her mind
wishing that i had magic
so that i could know
if she felt;
felt the same way.
I wish she would know
my every thought,those desires
I had ever felt;
felt about her.
I wish I was magical
to show her,
all those images
that run through my head.
the way my heart feels;
feels about her.
I wish she were mine
just like my bonded heart;
I wish i could make her fly
to show her joy;
joy i feel when I'm with her.
I wish that dreams...
could come true.
I wish i had the magic;
the magic,to make it all true.

Nice idea. Well written but proof reading (something I deeply struggle with as well). I think both boys and girls can empathise with feeling like this so that's why it's so popular.

I'd help you anytime, just message me
B.E.G x

Hey there, welcome to YWS
Let me remind you that before posting a piece of work, you must post at least 2 reviews.

Anyway, back to the poem.

To be honest, it was just OK. It was nothing special, but it wasn't too bad either. I think that you had a good idea/concept in mind, but somehow failed to deliver it properly.

I am no expert myself, but if you aim to be a good poet, you should try reading the works of other poets. Examples are the works of Robert Louis Stevenson, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson and so forth. As time goes, you'll be able to create a style of your own.

Secondly, you should try writing your poem out on paper first. From there, edit it 'till it 'sounds right' before entering it into the computer. You can try reading your poem aloud to make sure that it doesn't sound awkward.

Thirdly; punctuation. Besides emotion, poems are made up of words. Words come from languages. Languages are structured by grammar and vocabulary. Many people think that punctuation is not a need in poems, but no, that's incorrect.

Anyway, I hope this helped, and I hope you'll keep writing!