Young Writers Society

*I had to write a poem in trochaic tetrameter for English Lit
I don't really care for it myself, but I thought I'd give you critics something to rip to shreds


Softly radiant, train is flowing.
Walking slowly, gaily glowing.
Moments flying, organ playing.
Still in rapture, inward praying.

Joining hands and kneeling, they both
Promise, solemn marriage oaths.
Ever smiling, often crying.
Love is living, self is dying.

The first verse is really nice but I like the second one best - adds depth "Love is living, self is dying" - do you mean self is dying because you become one with another person so it's not just you anymore? (if that makes sense...)

That was really beautiful! It seemed to capture just the right things... If that makes any sense

do you mean self is dying because you become one with another person so it's not just you anymore?

Poppi,
Yes that's the general idea. Love gives rather than takes. You can't love and be selfish at the same time. That's why a perfect marriage (not that it exists) consists of a man and woman selflessly giving to the other, without thinking of themself. Yet they both get everything they need... because of love.

Thanks for the feedback!
Sorry it took so long ... it's probably a little more answer than you wanted

-Amice-

Don't worry about time... that's a great answer AND a great poem! It's true you can't love and be selfish... thats why relationships break down

nice poem. It followed a good rhythm