Out of this World

Please tell me what you think about this song I wrote the other day. THanks!

if his love is crazy/ makes me think i am failing/ just throw my hands up and say oh well/ he's got me/ i'm his, and he mine/this is the simple way to get wrapped up/ in loving, so easy/ some people think, we, need, some special light, or, thing but we talk so slowly and so lazy that's easy to say//

CHORUS: i'm goin out of this world, falling through open doors/ he's got me walking thru walls/ and i am a fairy tale a princess they all can tell/ he's so amazing, baby, love is crazy that i/ trip and fall just walkin/just thinkin, bout him/ whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa/ he's got me so inhumane

im just sayin that if a brother have you feelin this way/a boy got you singin this way/say oh well/ cause i know he got ya/you his he yours/don't let you mess it up/get your thoughts in a rut/cause when he smile and look at you/the way you know those hot boys do/ and he smile and say hi to you/you won't know what to do

CHORUS

this wasn't on my schedule/ i woke up in your heart/ we tried to be hard to get, hard to get by, your love your ways/ just because I didn't think i'd, meet you/just because i didn't think i'd, want you/ doesn't mean, i don't see, us together, always/ can't get away, just wanna say, i try to try, but we lock eyes/ and i say oh well/ he's got me in a spell so ohhhhhh well//

Not bad. It seems like a bubby happy pop kind of song, like it’s not very serious but it’s the kind of thing that maybe you’d want to dance to. I just have one suggestion. In the first line I think it would sound better and make more sense if you just said “His love it crazy”.
K bye ;D

Thank you so much, I agree, it would make more sense to drop the "if". Thanks!

Hey, IamArt!

This is a fun song! It kind of reminds me of the kind that Taylor Swift would sing, actually. If that's not a compliment for you, then I apologize. Maybe some of your phrases just gave me pictures similar to some of hers.

There are a few places that normally I'd say had grammar problems, but since this is a song, people usually have more freedom in just singing how they talk. That said, make sure you look through it and make sure it still makes sense everywhere.

I know where you're going with the commas, but just understand that there are quite a few misplaced ones. I'm not much of a song writer myself, so I'm not sure how you'd write the places you want to have dragged out or whatever. It's clear what you're going for, though.

My favorite part is the beginning of the chorus: i'm goin out of this world, falling through open doors/ he's got me walking thru walls/ It's maybe not amazingly original, but it's creative and fun and it has a nice sound to it. Which, honestly, counts for a lot in songs.

Also, I have to say that you've got the rhyming thing down. I always have issues coming up with words that fit but don't rhyme so well they get predictable. So well done with that one.

All in all, I really quite enjoyed it. I'd like to hear the music for this one.

Have a great day!
--Anna