The Suicide

joshuapaul · 2009-10-21T07:20:50Z

The Suicide I was at home when I decided to kill myself. I had it planned; I wanted to be found on my bed, by my flatmate, in a suit with a note on my chest. A peaceful departure to contrast my dark life. All I needed to pick up was a dose of sleeping pills from my mother’s apartment in the city. Oh and how could I forget? I needed the most expensive bottle of red wine in the city - I had planned to go out with some class. I let the car roll out of the driveway and onto the road. I flicked the lights on, eased it into gear and took off smoothly. The night sky was clear and the moon was bright. I traced down from the hills into the city. The radio was quietly humming familiar pop tunes and the engine purred. It took half an hour to reach the heart of the city. The streets were quiet, even for a Tuesday. I parked at the foot of my mother’s apartment complex in a taxi bay and called her mobile phone. “I’m out front … yeah let me in would you?” The doors unlocked and I walked in and called the elevator. I punched in level six. The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. I knocked at apartment 603. She opened the door. “Son come in” “I can’t really mum I’m in a bit of a rush, I have work tomorrow.” “OK, well with these pills you only take one,” She began. “I know mum.” “And if it takes a while to work you just have to wait, its dangerous taking more then one, you’ll end up in hospital.” Or the morgue I thought . “OK mum I really must go I’m parked in a taxi bay.” “OK bye son.” “Oh and mum,” I leant in and her cheeks tightened with surprise, “I love you.” I kissed her cheek and for a moment, her face wore a daft expression. As I turned back to the elevator she spoke. “You to son.” I cared about my mum and I had to hold back tears seeing her for the last time. My death will kill her, I thought. But I must do it. Life was too hard for too long. When she read the note I knew she would understand, she was after all, all I had. There’s nothing left for a crook like me. The elevator doors opened at the ground floor and I strolled outside. The winter air bit. I pulled the door open and dropped into the driver’s seat. I throw the bottle of blue pills on the other seat, turned the ignition and the car roared into life. I pushed it into gear and this time I pressed the accelerator hard, so hard the wheels spun fast but the car barely moved. The melted rubber made the car smell but I enjoyed it. It reminded me of my teenage years. I pulled into a park outside a shop with signs like ‘Fine wines and liquor’ plastered all over the windows. I grabbed my wallet and keys, locked the car then walked through the sliding door, which was only a few inches ajar. An old man with small round specks was cashing up behind the til. I walked to the counter. “Where is your most expensive bottle of red wine?” “Oh sorry sir, we are closed up.” “Well do you mind if I have a quick look I can pick something up tomorrow, I just need to know that you’ve got what I’m after?” I asked. The little fat white-haired man looked at me suspiciously for a moment then said, “Alright you can have a look but only for a minute or so.” I found the wine section. I scanned the entire top shelf and decided the most expensive bottle of red wine was the ‘Barolo Pio Cesare 2004’ at $120. I pulled out my wallet and took out three one hundred dollar bills between thumb and finger. I took the wine from the shelf and walked towards the door. As I passed the counter, I dropped the money and the shopkeeper just stared dumbly. I Squeezed through the exit and out to the car. In a moment, I was off, driving again. I had travelled all the way across the city and decided to go home the long way, around the central city leisure park, across the east gate bridge and through the industrial wastelands. The car purred around the park and roared up over the bridge. I gave it gas and it raced through the lonely streets of the industrial wastelands. The lights were green from far and as I approached, they became orange and finally red. I sat and looked around. The night was becoming darker as thick cloud moved across the sky. A few spots of rain began to appear on my windscreen. The night was almost silent, not a car in sight. I saw someone in the rear view mirror. Two people crossing the road. Someone was dragging another by her hair. The lights flashed to green. I just sat and waited. I heard her voice screaming. I watched as he pulled her with one hand around her arm and the other in her hair. I wound my window down and glanced back over my shoulder. The pair disappeared into an alley. My heart picked up. I sat and thought for a moment. Finally I acted. I pressed the pedal in and the wheels screeched as the car spun a full 1-80. I drove back and ripped the hand break up, sliding to a halt beside the alley. My door closed with a thud and I dashed across the road. As I approached the entrance to the alley, I could see the pair with their backs facing me. The girl in the high cut dress was still screaming at the man in the loose fitting suit. The rain was falling harder now as the man dragged her deeper into the long alley. I stopped running for a moment beside a broken crate. I picked up a thick plank of wood then, carrying it with both hands, I ran again. As I closed in, the man heard my footsteps through the heavy rain. He glanced over his shoulder and had only a second to react but I got him. I came down on him hard like an axe to a stubborn knot of wood. I hit once then again. The sound was sickening, like a sledge hammer on a wet log. He fell against the brick wall and slid down to the ground. I stepped in front of the teary-eyed girl and I could feel her hands on my back. The man cowered. A split erupted and from his balding head came a fountain of blood gushing all down his face. His eyes were wide and wild and from the ground, he smiled. He eyed the girl behind my shoulder and screamed. “You’re dead girl, you know you’re dead.” I hated that man. Lightening cracked and I raised the plank high above my head and stepped closer. He smiled again then moved his hand into his coat. I ripped the blank down. I saw it as the plank hit, the gun. The board split on his head but the sound was the crack of the pistol. My eyes watered. I looked at my hand on my chest, with blood seeping between my fingers. My knees gave. I fell and my gut was cold. My vision blurred, I tried to keep my eyes open but I couldn’t. My eyelids grew heavy and then it was over. Good bye cruel world. *** It was all white. My head hurt and my body felt numb. My nose itched and when I scratched it, I felt tubes. I blinked a few times. “You’re awake.” I could spot my mother’s warm voice anywhere. I turned my head an inch and eyed her, then forced a smile. “I’m alive.” I said. I’m alive. Doctors came and left. They asked questions and adjusted medical equipment. My mum was gone an hour and when she came back she had a big greasy burger. My arms felt stiff as I took it and gobbled it down in a few full bites. “What were you thinking? Why didn’t you just call the police?” Mum began. I had to think for a moment then the scene reeled in my mind. “I don’t know mum, leave it.” She kissed my cheek then continued. “A girl’s been in every night to see you, the girl who called the ambulance.” My mind ticked over, it must have been the prostitute being dragged by that thug . “She comes in every night around six, checks on you then leaves.” My mum left. She entered a little after six and seemed surprised to see me awake. As she walked, her blonde wavy hair sat still around her shoulders. She smiled and her white teeth shined through her deep red lips. “Hey fella,” she said as she lowered herself into the chair beside my bed. “You saved my life.” You have no idea. “It’s OK anyone would have done the same.” She leant over the bed bending at the waist and kissed my cheek. She has seen me everyday since. Sometimes she brings food or reads me short stories. I get out next week and she has promised to cook me dinner. I feel better than I did that night, for now anyway.

confetti

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Sat Jul 30, 2011 6:36 am

confetti says... · Sat Jul 30, 2011 6:36 am

I only wish I could click love instead of like.

"So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads."
— Dr. Seuss

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Tictac268

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Points 990

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Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:28 am

Tictac268 says... · Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:28 am

This is incredibly moving! Its so frikin' amazing!

Impossible is just an opinion.

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shikha1

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Mon Aug 08, 2011 1:42 pm

shikha1 says... · Mon Aug 08, 2011 1:42 pm

Hey! This is an amazing story. You got me hooked up to the story right from the beginning. The way you have described the scenes is good too. Though, you could have added a bit more details in areas like why wanted to commit suicide, what led him to take that drastic decision even though he had a very healthy relationship with his mother. A few grammatical mistakes, but the other reviewers have already pointed that out. So, good work!

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Boolovesyou

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Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:34 am

Boolovesyou says... · Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:34 am

Hey! So I know you have lots of reviews I only have one grammatical error

I had travelled all the way across the city and decided to go home the long way, around the central city leisure park, across the east gate bridge and through the industrial wastelands.

Thats all!

-Boo

Milestiba uzvar visu, Milestiba ir upuris.

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dolwright

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Tue Aug 09, 2011 7:36 pm

dolwright says... · Tue Aug 09, 2011 7:36 pm

I totally love this story, it got me hooked from the very start. It's the kind you would want to read a dozen times over. I wonder if this is part of a novel or something and i would like to know what actually was the character's motive for suicide.

'when I'm gone, my words will remain...
your word is a weapon, either of destruction or re-construction, whatever you make of it,
It's your choice.'

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Demoness

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Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:46 am

Demoness says... · Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:46 am

Oh my god! This was so good! I started reading and I was just.. (Ah, fun, another boring, lame, suicide) Then the story just took such a twist and.. oh, delightful! It's always great to read a sad story with a hopeful ending

When it comes to the text there were few grammatic errors which is good, and I like your style overall

DD

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost

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AnubisPineapple

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Thu Aug 18, 2011 11:48 pm

AnubisPineapple says... · Thu Aug 18, 2011 11:48 pm

I thought it was very intriguing. The characters were coloured very well. I though all together it was a nice story. Though, I think the ending was a little mushed.

-Love the Mysterious Sign Painter
*World of Goo*

Sami Lynch Meyers

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zinger1912

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Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:29 pm

zinger1912 says... · Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:29 pm

I'm not big on correcting because English isnt my best subject, but shouldnt it be 'You too son'?? I dont know really, but over all a realllly gooood story!

I'm not inclined to resign to maturity.
If it's alright, then you're all wrong.
But why bounce around to the same damn song?
I know, you know, that I'm not telling the truth.
I know, you know, they just don't have any proof.
Your worst inhibition's gonna psych you out in the end.

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Hiroku

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Points 1224

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Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:09 am

Hiroku says... · Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:09 am

This story amazes me. It's very well written, with a great plot and rather great dialogue. I'm used to stories that, at one point or another, announce the names of the main characters, but your story is a special occasion, considering how well you played it out. Grammatical errors have already been pointed out, so no use in me repeating everyone else.

Overall, this was an amazing piece, and I'm a little disappointed that there won't be an add-on. Please, by all means, if you ever change your mind about the "no add-ons" thing, please please please! Let me know. I'd love to read more to this.

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GrimRipper

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Tue Aug 23, 2011 8:13 pm

GrimRipper says... · Tue Aug 23, 2011 8:13 pm

Overall, liked it very much, especially the short conversation with his mom, it was the thing that touched me in this story.
What I didn't like is that the guy wants to commit suicide, but his quite cheerful about it, he should be depressed, full of self-hate and despise.
you also wrote:

There’s nothing left for a crook like me

Why is he a crook? I didn't get that part to well.

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limaswork22

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Points 890

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Thu Aug 25, 2011 6:31 am

limaswork22 says... · Thu Aug 25, 2011 6:31 am

Your story had kept me reading and not alot of stories have that affect. However, You didnt go in much details on why that man wanted to commit suicide. It left me clueless but it made me want to read more. I liked the irony. The guy in the story turned from suicidal to completely happy because the girl repay him for saving his life.

REMEMBER ALL OF OUR TIMES TOGETHER

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dhanshucool

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Points 877

Reviews 26

Sat Sep 03, 2011 5:23 pm

dhanshucool says... · Sat Sep 03, 2011 5:23 pm

Hey there,
It was a pleasure reading your story. I have learnt some things from you as a writer. Even though its a simple plot you managed to hook the readers. That's the thing I like. Anyways keep writing

All the best

-Dan

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