Strange love II

“The best of all is when the nemesis stars falling for you”, I said, smirking at him.

Yes, he knew what I was talking about. His crush from high school. The idiot though he was her enemy while the whole class new they had a crush on each other. The fight started when the girls and guys got into a fight about which sex was smarter than the other.

Zip zap zoom. In a moment she led the girls and he led us. From that time onwards, every time me and my friend talked about her he gave that typical “ya right” kind of expression along with that obvious hint of the age old proof-the smile.

And than came that new girl in our group of friends. At least that time I hoped he would have gone for the kill, but like before, didn’t have the guts and watched her go away for good.

As shy and doubting as he might seem, the guy just does not run out of luck. His high school nemesis-cum-crush had shifted to my building. Talk about coincidence.

It dint take her long to become a part of our group of friends. I began to get this feeling that something different was in store for my friend this time.

“So what’s it going to be this time?” I looked at him angrily and quizzically. And just as I had expected, the usual-“what?” came the dum guy’s reply.

It dint take long for my other friends to notice that they were more than friends. Everyday we talked about high school and remembered how childish we were than.

After a month or so it finally did happen.

It was my usual day at the sea-face.Beautiful sea, couples enjoying some intimate moments and me jogging on the concrete track to keep fit.Two minutes on the track and nothing seemed unusual. At just about the 600m mark I just stopped due to some instinctive reason. Just like the one you have when you quickly avoid being hit by a speeding car.

I slowly turned my neck around to see couples expressing their love through their lips.A glimpse at both their faces zapped me.

I quickly left the scene to resume running. Throughout the rest of the run that thought ran through my mind-“The boy finally did become a man”.

I smirked all the way till home.

Alot of use with short setences I noticed.

Couple of grammar issues especially with "And than came that new girl in our group of friends.", 'then'.

Overall there was a massive jump between the school and the jogging.

The story was somewhat cute

I enjoyed it!

Keep up the goodwork!

Let us just assume that the grammar was because o fidgety fingers on the keyboard. But let it not happen anymore.
For a short story it was interesting, but it was short. Confusing right? The sentences were a little short and there was space to make them longer with a little description and all. The story was indeed cute but nothing new. Think of something really good to detach it from the usual "we used to fight-now I see you're sort of cute".
Keep writing ^_^ Practice makes perfect

Hey Young Gun!

So, honestly, I'm not really sure what you're aiming for with this little series-type things. I read the first installment as well, and I've got to say that I'm a bit confused. Are the characters supposed to be the same in both stories? Or are you aiming for a common theme with different situations? Since you don't use any names your characters become vague, and start bleeding into each other.

It dint take her long to become a part of our group of friends. I began to get this feeling that something different was in store for my friend

this time.

Dint isn't a word, actually. Needs to be "didn't". Even if you're going for a more slang word, I think that would only work in dialogue, not in the narration itself.

“The best of all is when the nemesis stars falling for you”, I said, smirking at him.

Needs to be:

The best of all is when the nemesis starts falling for you," I said, smirking at him.

If you need to, check out Demeter's Dialogue Punctuation tutorial in the Knowledge Base.

Also, regarding this quote, I don't like how you start with the character and end with him smirking. See how the last time uses the same word? I'm not sure if that was on purpose, to tie together the story, or if you just didn't notice it, but I think you need to find a different word for the end. Otherwise it seems repetitive, like nothing was accomplished in the story. Somehow, for me, ending on the same note you start on makes it seem like nothing important happened in the middle, and that's the last thing you want. ^_^

I like the calm, kind of recollecting tone of the piece, but I think you need to explore a plot-line and characters some more. You have a sweet, cute framework established, but it could still use some embellishments, like description and characterization.

PM me for anything!

~Evi

1.The idiot, though he was her enemy while the whole class new they had a crush on each other.

2.And then came that new girl in our group of friends.

3....he didn’t have the guts and watched her go away for good.

4.nemesis-cum-crush

5.It didn't take her long to become a part of our group of friends.

6.came the dumb guy’s reply.

7.A glimpse at both their faces zapped me.

1. There should be a comma.
2. Change "than" to "then."
3. You should insert that word there.
4. My first reaction afer reading this one: WHAT?!?!
5. Spelled "didn't" incorrectly.
6. Spelled "dumb" incorrectly.
7. I don't quite like this word put there, try choosing another one.

Overall:
This story seems to be quite pointless. There isn't any emotion or anything interesting whatsoever, and there aren't any good descriptions. We have no idea what the characters even look like.