This poem really rings true with me, as I myself truly hate doing things just because other people will like me for doing them, and I really get annoyed by people who constantly do. It's a lovely metaphor, 'colo(u!)ring outside the lines', which makes sense and illustrates your point beautifully. I like the fact that you haven't rhymed and have different length lines and verses, because it fits with the whole nonconformist theme of the poem. Great work!
"What if, doctor, we need these knots and these tangles because they're the only things holding our souls down - and if we untied the knots and untangled the tangles and stretched them out ... would our souls just float away?" ~Luke Kennard, A Practical Course in Entry Level Expressionism
This was short, but any longer and you would have overdone your point. So, I praise you on your size. Your vocabulary was good; there wasn't any words that were too big or too small. (I'm perticularly thinking of 'conformist'. I really liked that word; it fit in very nicely.) I'm sure a lot of readers can empathize with either side of the poem; the doubtful narrator or the unique character. I for sure am the weird one, but that's just me personally xD
This poem was very beautiful! I love how it illustrates this topic. The poem itself is very non-conformist in your use of language and illustration. I love how your last line is the title. Coloring outside the lines fits perfectly as a title. Great job!
I'm not going to bother nitpicking, since I can get straight to the point. Your title really caught my attention, but the followup, your poem, didn't really stick it for me. It's a nice idea, but where was the imagery? What was poetic about it other than the line about coloring outside the lines? Not only do you have to have a meaning to your poem, you need to illustrate, paint the picture for us.
On the other hand, you could be playing it simple. Straightforward. If so, it's not really a poem. It's more of a reflection of a character's thoughts, or free form.
And 3rd, just because soemone doesn't wear high heels and expensive clothes doesn't mean they're unique. Not everyone dresses like that. Plenty of people wear dark shirts and sneakers, and a lot of people like flip flops and sneakers. Neither of those are high heels and expensive clothes.
You might want to focus on being who she wants to be despite the fact that those around her do otherwise.
-Shina
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.
The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.
To angels-symphony, More imagery would make my poem better. I'll get to working on that. I know that everyone does not dress in high heeled shoes and expensive clothes, but I'm illustrating the stereotypical popular group.
Hi this is good. This is a often talked about character. That is not swayed and effected by anything and just does there own thing. Because this type of character is used so often it makes this work appear a bit stale. You are kind of praising her the whole way. You must not like her a bit. It make her feel more full fleshed if you said you don't like some things about her. But onto the good stuff. The flow is very good. The occasional rhyme works well here. I love the title. This is a character sketch and a very good one. I feel I know her and you have not had to write a lot. All in All. Well Done
First of all, I'd like to congratulate you on this poem. It's quite intriguing and interesting. The imagery was pretty good, but it could get beefed up a wee bit more. Also, rhythm was okay, but there were some lines, like:
"It may be acceptable,"
To me, it didn't flow very well with the rest of the poem. I'm not going to make any suggestion because it's not that big a deal and if you want to change it, you can come up with your very creative ideas.
I could relate with the ideas as well, being somewhat of a wallflower myself. I love it when people write about this kind of thing.
Again, wonderful poem!
And remember...A portkey can be any sort of harmless object...A football...or a dolphin. ~Snape, AVPM
"You are the egg, you are the chrysalis, you are the progeny. You are the rot that falls from stars." ~Will Henry, on Typhoeus magnificum
This is a good poem, expressive, contemplative, and a little painful too. The fact is, I can relate because in many ways, I am that girl in the dark-colored clothes, and I've taken a healthy bit of abuse for who i am. Perhaps the subject matter is a bit overused, but there's always from for a new take on an old topic. Well done.
You must be swift as the coursing river, With all the force of a great typhoon, With all the strength of a raging fire, Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
Despite this being "true" poem about people who do not fit in,you may have oversimplified the presentation.
to avoid the conformist stream, always staying unique.
Even though her convictions lead her to do what the crowd does not do,it cannot be called unique.I stress on this point because of the word "always".The crowd is not "always" wrong or boring.Sometimes it might actually be a pleasure to be a part of the crowd.
Perhaps something missing is pointing out the flaws of why the "crowd" or "the in thing" is just really stupid.Attacking the crowd can establish the uniqueness of being unconventional.
I know I'm late in replying so I'll try not to repeat what's already been said! Sorry if I do! I thought your poem was great. I'm in secondary school so I see your poem's character's every day! Hey, sometimes I've been MC, sometimes I've been the girl who's different. I just wish they saw it as unique!
Anyway, enough of me rambling on, I thought your poem was great!
Thanks for the read, Woozey x
If you start with a bang, you won't end with a whimper. - T.S. Eliot
