Sanctuary

3 posts
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Gender Male
Points 1967
Reviews 12
I am a lone wolf, and this is how I want to be. Forever I shall roam in a forest of never ending sanctuary among these tall trees. They mock me, and know that when my time comes I will have lived for nothing. Derailed while so young, I never found my way back to the track. Deprived of life while so young, how can they fix me? How can I fix myself? I forever shall roam in my deathly sanctuary, among this lifeless ground of smoke and ash. Bare feet feel what once was seep through the cracks of their toes; they feel a meaningful connection with the nothingness. The ruin that tells of what once was so strong at mind, yet so weak at heart, was damned to oblivion. Why? Once standing so tall and so gracious and free now weeps and blends with the soil underneath. This must be why we bury our dead, and burn our infected. Although we should not mourn our losses, but celebrate the life of them, and their memory shall never die. How can I relate such horrid truth to my own? From time to time it makes me wonder, why must I be? Where do I go from here? What will I learn, and what should I seek? Time will tell is what I'm told, but time does fly, and flown it has. Continue to soar it will, and I am left behind wondering what has happened to me.

When I was first born, I was given a rich and fulfilling life. My first memory is of a gleaming sun through the sliding door in our laundry room, after a stormy day of May. Dripping down the precipitation from the window pane, salvation. Where I sit on the cold floor and play with my blue power ranger while my mother does the laundering. Not a care in the world, until one day that terrible deed had been done. I was too young to understand, yet I was forced to know so much about life. From that day forward, I became a lone wolf. I have adapted to it and grown to want to be this way. Crawling through an abyss of trembling sanctuary, among the weeping soul that calls me home. For once my soul was once weak, but now is strong. For money and a good life never brought anyone any true fortune, I'm grateful I had the chance to learn the hard way. In the end, I will turn out as right as the gleaming sun after a stormy May’s rain.

This day is like any other, I sit at my computer screen. Ash and ember fall to the floor as I cannot bother to lift an arm to the tray, on high with what I cannot understand. A change of pace, (Coldplay to Slayer) breaks the hypnotized silence. I realize that it’s 4 AM and I should really get some rest. I wake, get my work together and drive to school, where I hand in my completed work and collect the next assignment. I go home, I finish it... This day is like any other.
Strangers in the night... exchanging glances




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Gender Female
Points 6919
Reviews 108
Hi, it's Hawkie. I'll be your reviewer today.

Okay . . . this piece. I'm sorry to say I didn't care for it much, the way it is now. It had no dialogue, no action; just three paragraphs of your character going "this is me, this is what happened to me, this is what I am like, this is why I am like that, this is why my life sucks," etc. I just don't really see the point.

Stories are about people realizing and facing their conflicts in life. Your MC obviously has a problem, but I don't see what it is. You mention a terrible deed being done. What was the deed? If you start answering questions like that, you're on your way to having a much better-developed plot. Nothing lacks potential. ;)

You obviously have some real talent with words. You're very skilled at stringing sentences together and feeling the flow of your prose. However, it's a bit strange. I mean, your MC is a teenager, right? Would an average teenager say things like "damned to oblivion?" I don't think so. Kids and teenagers are straightforward creatures. We have straightforward thoughts, and don't think in very wide vocabularies. ^^

I did like your ending. It was a nice return to reality after so many lofty thoughts. "A day like any other" really gives me the feeling that, no matter what happens, life will go on. Good job.

Oh, and for reference: "Power Ranger" should be capitalized. ;)

PM me if you have any questions. Keep writing!

-Hawks-




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1967
Reviews 12
Thanks for the review. However this was written in the first place for people who were involved in my life. I remembered previous activity on this site and decided to post it. If you were interested, the problem was my father attempted to murder my mother and myself and didnt succeed in doing so.Thats all i really want to say about it there's a wider explanation but i just dont care for it anymore. Furthermore, this was written for school as well.I had an english question which asked who i really was and what my life was about and why i feel this way... Once again i just posted it on here to see what people think and what i can work better on. Thanks again for the review

Erb
Strangers in the night... exchanging glances



cron
It's like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind