Comparing Ocean and Land

This is a Dyatome poem I just typed up.
Ocean
Wet,Blue
Waving,Roaring,Crashing
Deep,Salty,Sandy,Rocky
Rolling,Shading,Grinding
Hard,Rocky
Land

Hey, this is pretty cool. Short and to the point.

One thing I don't get is the "waterless" in the fourth line. I like how you ease gradually from sea to land, but "waterless" seems way out of place so close to "deep" and "salty." I'd place it closer to the end.

What I like the most about your poem is how it moves - I can feel myself being slowly carried by the wet, blue ocean onto the grinding, rocky land, like a tide. It brought back memories of my trip to the Caribbean last year. Really good job!

Keep writing. ^^

-Hawks-

Hey, this was a really great poem and I really enjoyed it!! Keep it up!!

I liked this poem. The structure is so easy to follow and even easier to critique. You did a very good job with your adjectives, although I do wish you had added some color into the mix. It is just that the ocean and land are so colorful, and you did nothing to mention this. My only other nitpick is that you used rocky twice. Once in the fourth line and then again in the sixth line, and I'm not sure this redundancy works. Can you try to find a different adjective to describe land?

Good job!

Hi! I agree with Moriah that some color would be a pleasant addition to this poem. I'm not sure, but I think I've heard of this kind of poem before, though I can't guess the name of it. Either way, you picked a clever topic, land and sea being so different and melding together in a piece like this. However, I think some emotions would help to make that contrast even more profound, like 'wistful' or 'temperamental.' That's only a suggestion though, and your poem is fine without it. Keep writing stuff like this!

Hi there wii age 21 charlie! I'm Conrad, and I'll be your reviewer for today.

So, I'm not too big of a fan of this style of poetry. I do have to admit that this is pretty decent for this style, though. My only gripe about it is that I think you could do a better transition between the two extremes. Perhaps if you found a way to point out more how they are similar, then this transition would be much more effective.

In spite of that though, I do kind of like this poem. Thank you for sharing it with us. If you have any questions or comments, just float a PM my way.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice