The Window Curtain

Thin and frail, a little boy stood on his legs of sticks. His knobby knees stuck out awkwardly from the bottom of his dirty gray shorts. His belly was protruding outward and his eyes were glazed over as he stood on his tippy toes peering up through a window. His belly had stopped growling days ago, maybe weeks ago, but his mind still reminded him of what he was missing out on. When he smelt the foods from inside the house he couldn't help but follow where it led him. Being too polite to beg, the little boy only hoped to be noticed by the large man who was settling down for his supper. The man's sides hung over the chair, he was too big. The table in front of him was covered with foods of all sorts and there was not a spot of table visible beneath it. The man's chair creaked when he leaned over to refill his plate with more food. It did not creak because it was poorly made; it creaked underneath the weight of the massive man who was feasting upon it. Chewing on steak he muttered something to the servant who was standing off to the side. As the man spoke some food fell out of his mouth and landed on his purple blouse which was already stained from previous dinners. The servant refilled the man's wine glass to the brim then walked over to the window and closed the curtain on the little boy who was dreaming of a taste.

I liked it. It was a very well done description of the man. I liked the way you used the language as well, and it had a nice rhythm, almost.

Well done, this is really good. I'm impressed with your description skills. Now you need to take it up to the next level and really make me see this scene.

Okay. Nitpicks:

carolinewashere wrote:His knobby knees sticking out awkwardly at the bottom of his dirty gray shorts.

There is some great description here, I just picked up a grammatical error. Try "His knobbly knees stuck out awkwardly".

carolinewashere wrote:stood on his tippy toes

Maybe you could stick to "tiptoes"? It could be just me, but remember your audience ren't little children and need to be spoken to as mature adults. (Well some of us anyways. )

carolinewashere wrote:His belly had stopped growling days ago, maybe weeks ago, but his mind still reminded him of what he was missing out on. When he smelt the foods from inside the house he could not help but follow where it led him.

Try "couldn't".

carolinewashere wrote:The man's sides hung over the chair for he was too big.

Try "hung over the chair, he was so big".

Right! Well, this was great. Once you can make it happen inside your reader's "mind's eye", you have the makings of a really strong opening. With just a little work you can really draw the reader in.

Well done.

Hope I've been helpful
~Grin

Hi!
I really like this - it's nicely written and does have a nice rythm. There's just a few nit-picks:

His knobby knees

Knobbly knees is better

His belly had stopped growling days ago, maybe weeks ago

I think if you said: 'His belly had stopped growling days, maybe weeks ago,' it would be clearer and easier to read.

Being to polite to beg

The first 'to' should be too.

The man's sides hung over the chair for he was too big.

This doesn't flow so well. Maybe if you said:
"The man's sides hung over the chair he was so big."
Or something like that...

Chewing on steak he muttered something to the servant who was standing off to the side, as the man spoke some food fell out of his mouth and landed on his purple blouse which was already stained from previous dinners.

This could be two sentences. You can stop the first one at 'side', and then continue with the rest. It would sound better that way.

Okay that's all!

Overall this is really nice, and I hope you carry on. PM me with any questions, and if you write any more, let me know!

Hope I helped!