I vowed to experience more sunsets.
We’d just finished dinner—take-out from a Chinese restaurant. I’d taken a shower and after I’d put on some comfortable clothing, I’d wandered out on the master bedroom balcony and had my breath taken away by the kaleidoscope of light. I’d found myself captivated, leaning against the balcony rail to watch the sun’s slumberous descent. Now I watched the last of the sun slowly disappear behind the horizon and sighed. A perfect ending to a perfect day.
“Hey, Connor.”
Awareness that Justin was here skittered along my spine, then resonated in the excited stutter of my heart. I turned and smiled. He smiled back, one hand braced on the open door. The other was in his sweatpants pocket. He’d took a shower, just like me, probably getting out minutes ago.
“Hey, Justin. Got any plans for the night?”
He shoved away from the doorway, taking one of my hands, “How about the hot tub?”
“I just took a shower.” I protested.
“It’ll relax you. Get you ready for bed.”
I was going to argue that I didn’t need relaxing, but he pulled one of the most adorable hopeful smiles in the world that I found myself melting. I was powerless against his charm.
“Only for a little while.” I said.
Justin hugged me, “I’ll meet you down there.”
As I disrobed, questions kept whirling in my head. It wasn’t as if I loved a good soak as anyone, but there was this small seed of doubt doing odd things to my body. My stomach felt like jelly and goosebumps prickled against my skin.
Justin was very touchy-feely, I thought. His hugs weren’t typical, masculine half-hugs. They were like a lover’s embrace. They were full of contentment and brimming with the sense of security.
I pulled on my swim trunks. Nonetheless of the intimacy he gave me, I wouldn’t be cagey. In fact, I loved touching.
I loved being touched even more. It showed that people knew you enough to be comfortable with personal space. I had no sense of personal boundaries. I invaded everyone’s space and let every stranger know it when I met them.
In fact, regardless of the fact that I was gay, I’d kissed the girls close to me. A peck on the cheek before leaving the party or a twenty-minute embrace on the couch. But I’d never had a relationship. I hadn’t even been kissed in a sexual way. I’d never been kissed in that first-kiss scenario.
I tied the drawstring of my trunks. Pushed the butterflies and the love ideas from my head as I pushed open my bedroom door and went downstairs. Through the darkened living room and the half-lit kitchen. The French doors were open. I stepped out on the terrace.
Justin was by the hot tub, his back to me. I found myself admiring his lean, muscular frame. He was big on exercising and weight-lifting and eating right. And his job as a construction worker only helped to add to his form.
But he’d had girls fawning over him in high school. And it was easy not to see why. I loved his face: the angelically full mouth, the square jaw, the beautiful brown eyes.
I approached him. He turned at my touch.
“You ready?” he asked me.
I grinned, “Of course.”
We got in the hot tub. The Jacuzzi itself was a large, black model. Jets were already spouting when I settled in.
Justin watched me from the opposite side. I blushed, studied anything but the blaze of his eyes.
“You pierced your nipples?” I asked him. Silver rings glinted in the soft terrace lighting. I was surprised. I’d never thought Justin as having a punk side. Or having a dark side, for that matter.
“Just something I did when I graduated from high school.” Justin shrugged. “I did a lot of things back then.”
I frowned, “Like what?”
Justin hesitated before responding, “I got some tattoos.”
I raised an eyebrow, “Seriously?”
He showed me his left upper arm. There was a large cross there. Then he turned and I saw a black dragon on his right shoulder blade.
“And I’ve got a tattoo somewhere else.”
“What, is it on your butt or something?”
Justin’s eyes widened, “How’d you guess?”
My own widened too, “You seriously got one on your butt? Can I see?”
Justin smirked, “Later. Let’s not moon each other the first night.”
I rolled my eyes and let myself soak in the hot tub without prelude.
I was half-asleep when Justin said, “Connor?”
“Mm?” I mumbled.
“What are the sleeping arrangements?”
I opened my eyes, “I’ll sleep by myself. If I can’t get to sleep easily, you and I can sleep together. I told you earlier.”
“I remember, but you sidetracked me.” Justin chuckled.
My only reply was, “I think I’ll go to bed now. I’m getting beyond tired.”
I made to get out of the Jacuzzi but Justin grabbed my hand.
“You haven’t been in here for even twenty minutes!” he protested.
“Do you want me to fall asleep in here?” I retorted.
“I’ll carry you up to bed.” Justin drew me to him. “Please stay for a little bit?”
My weak attempt to get away was sidetracked by the hypnotizing circles Justin rubbed on my back.
“Mm, ‘kay.” I muttered. “Only for a little bit.”
My eyes snapped open. I was staring in darkness. And for a moment, the grosteque face loomed out of the darkness and I almost found myself screaming before remembering…
Oh, yes.
Oh, my God.
I was covered in sweat. The sheets were wet and I was gasping.
The unfamiliar room only added to the macabre sense of my dream. Shadows existed where I did not like them. Shadows surrounded me in the fresh memories of my dreams.
I sat up, turned on the bedside lamp. The shadows receded. I was still in my swim trunks. But I didn’t remember walking up here…
Justin must have carried me up, I concluded. I fell asleep in the hot tub.
I got out of bed. My feet carried me forward, my brain not yet making the connection to my body’s wants. I walked down the hall and stood in front of my cousin’s bedroom door.
A brief hesitation. What would Justin think of my interruption? Should I wait until morning?
I shouldn’t be hesitating. Justin welcomed me to sleep with him. I didn’t see this as any different. I opened the door.
The posters glistened in the faint moonlight. The lump in Justin’s bed was framed by a pool of silver moonlight.
I walked towards the bed. One more brief hesitation before I tossed back the covers and slid in.
I closed my eyes, but opened them when I felt a hand on my face.
Justin was awake and staring at me.
“Something happen?” he whispered.
“Just a nightmare,” I mumbled. “Can I sleep with you tonight?”
“Of course,” Justin drew me close. “What was the dream about?”
I shuddered, closed my eyes, “I’ll tell you in the morning.”
