--August 15

A lot of people have told me,
Half truth and lies.
Everything has turned out to be,
Events that leads to cries.

They resonant in my head.
They echo in my heart.
Make my spirit lead.
Putting my guts on a cart.

I can't help the meandering,
Of emotion and thought.
It just seems my soul is wandering,
It's existence is being fought.

Who cares if one person weeps?
Why does it matter? Oh the wailing.
It shivers up my spine, gives me the creeps.
And I find my morale flailing.

I wake to find another shattered piece.
My core is irrevocably displaced.
It seems this pain will never cease.
The light runs from my dark place...

OK. So, my initial thought was that this is a really great poem. Lots of great descriptors, lots of cool metaphors.

However, on my second read through I picked up on a couple of little nit-picks.

Bleed2DeathZombyBtch wrote:Events that leads to cries.
...
They resonant in my head.
They echo in my heart.
Make my spirit lead.
Putting my guts on a cart.

"That leads to" should be "leads to" as it makes a lot more sense.
"Resonant" should also be "resonate" which is the present tense.
Sort that out, though, and it will be cool!

Keep writing!

Pgsgirl x

Overall I liked this piece. For such a dark and brooding poem, it had some good honesty and originality. I did, however, manage to find several parts that could be tidied up.

Bleed2DeathZombyBtch wrote:A lot of people have told me,
Half truth and lies.

I like what you're trying to say, but it makes much more sense to say "Half truths and lies."

Bleed2DeathZombyBtch wrote:Everything has turned out to be,
Events that leads to cries.

Here, "events that lead to cries" has better sytax.

Bleed2DeathZombyBtch wrote:They resonant in my head.
They echo in my heart.

Great lines, but I think you meant "resonate".

Bleed2DeathZombyBtch wrote:Make my spirit lead.
Putting my guts on a cart.

Making my spirit lead.
Putting my guts on a cart.
I just changed one word to give both lines the same tense.

As for the rest, I have no criticism! Keep up the good writing.

It'll do. I think everyone else caught the spelling mistakes and so forth. The teenage years are full of confusion and brooding. I wrote many such like this.

Who cares if one person weeps?
Why does it matter? Oh the wailing.
It shivers up my spine, gives me the creeps.
And I find my morale flailing.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone.

-Barrett