Look Left- Preface

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This is Look Left in the right order, now :)

Ella
XOX



Preface

It was a Monday, and I woke with the light.
Ages ago, when I lived in Bath, my room was very small, right in the middle of the house, dead centre, because it used to be a bathroom. You had to really know where it was or you’d never find it, because it only had one small door and no windows, so it didn’t get any natural light. I used to set my alarm clock each night, and every morning I’d wake up to the annoying, repetitive beep, in total darkness. I’d stumble to the light switch before the other sleepers heard, and everything would be bathed in an orangey yellow light. Artificial and unconvincing. But I was used to it.
Here, my room has five windows. It’s not even a room, it’s a dorm, and, compared to my old cupboard, it’s massive. You can even open the windows, and peer out through curtains so thin and wispy they look like air, to the courtyard below. That’s why its called an enclosed dorm. On the other side, the windows look out to the colossal mountains, towering above us. The peaks are iced like cake, and the snow stays all year round. The temperatures pretty cold all year round, come to that.
Even though my dorm is “enclosed” you still get a fantastic morning light: shining through the flimsy curtains, illuminating every persons sleeping face. I share with five other girls. None of them wake up as early as I do, but then again, I suppose they all were used to the morning light streaming in through the triple-glazing, they didn’t see the miracle I saw, only routine.
I wasn’t used to it, so I woke up bright and early, every morning, with the light. The window was my favourite place to sit, it had been ever since that first day when I arrived here, and the snow was so new and magnificent I used to sit here all night, just watching it. From the window I could watch the world go by. Or at least, I could watch the snow fall in the courtyard below.
Behind me one of the girls in the dorm stirred. She had short hair, cropped in a confusing mix of disarrayed, choppy layers and the richest dark red I’d ever seen in somebody’s hair. Her name was Emily Summer, but everyone called her Pixie. For the most recent years of my life, she had been my best friend. She would be forever.
Her eyes were smudged with mascara and eyeliner from last night, a contrast again her stark, almost translucent white skin. She looked like a drug addict.
She moaned, tossing and turning in her sleep. I knew Pixie had nightmares, but not until recently did I know what of. Once she woke up screaming, screaming so loud and piercingly it woke the rest of us up. I couldn’t have been sure, but I thought she was screaming about fire.
Pixie was properly awake now, and she sat up, hugging the sheets against her tiny frame.
“Tessie?” she yawned, “How long have you been awake?”
I smiled. “Not sure.” I didn’t really look at the time much anymore. In the time we spent apart, Theo taught me that time is short, and you should use it wisely.
“Tessie?”
I turned towards Pixie, her face was inquisitive.
“What?”
“You had an odd look on your face. Are you alright?”
“Fine.” I replied, “I was just thinking about that time… in Bath.”
At my words she bit her lip. “Tessie, you never talk about that time.”
“I know,” I said, thinking hard, “Maybe its time I did.”
Pixie’s face was solemn, and she came over to sit at the window with me, “Tell me, Tessie.”
Last edited by Ella_Mercy on Wed May 26, 2010 6:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I am not talking about the person you would die for. I am talking about to the person you would live for.

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did this happen just after she goes to that place? x
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Trying to make the other side?
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I like it; it works quite well as an introduction. Some things, though, annoyed me a leetle.
You had to really know where it was or you’d never find it

Didn't you just say it was in the center of the house?
for the most recent years o my life,

'for the most recent years of my life'; apart from the typo, its alright, but for the fact that 'the most recent years' sounds a little... urk. Vague.

Also, occasionally, I feel like you're repeating yourself For example, when talking about the dorm, you kind of talk a lot about 'ooh the light, ooh the light'. Yes, its a change; but I dunno.

I disliked the character of Pixie Summers for the following reasons:
a) what kind of a name is Pixie? What were her parents thinking?
b) her name fits in too well with her body; she's got a 'tiny frame', 'inquisitive' face, cropped red hair in unruly tufts. So, did her parents predict what she was going to look like when she was a baby? I dunno.
c) she's a little bit of a Mary-Sue. I dunno; her leftover eye-makeup makes her look mysterious and surreal, she's petite, her skin's smooth, creamy white, etc. She's too perfect. Why not, I dunno, give her some weight? Add burns that ruin the effect? Make her a bit paranoid, give her a bad haircut, whatever. Just give her something that doesn't make her too Sue.

Yeah. It looks fine apart from that.
This guy is so evil you could put him in between two slices of bread and call him an evil sandwich.

Coming at you like a jetpack Shakespeare.

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Oooh, I likey :smt003

The peaks are iced like cake, and the snow stays all year round. The temperatures pretty cold all year round, come to that.


That line was just absolute brilliance. What a description. :smt045

Straight away you make the characters interesting and intriguing, and that bit at the end is awesome! You definetely have to write more. Also the sentences flow nicely. Sometimes I find I ramble then it doesn't make sense afterwards XD

But this is awesome. Write more. :smt081
my heart is an open book, and you're the pen that scratches out words and sentences and writes new ones in their places..




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Hey Ella! Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

The temperatures pretty cold all year round, come to that.


temperature.

“Tessie?” she yawned, “How long have you been awake?”


yawned.

“I know,” I said, thinking hard, “Maybe its time I did.”


Again, hard.

II. OVERALL

This is kinda too short for me to give any specifics on, so I'll give you my general thoughts. Overall, this wasn't bad, but I wondered about the whole discussion of where her room in her house in Bath was. It was slightly unnecessary, but I wouldn't just say to get rid of it. I wanted to know more of where she is, but I guess you'll work on that in parts to come. I really don't have much to say. Nice job :)

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella.
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010




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Thanks...

this part may not be as good as the previews, because i suck at writing slow parts, so thats why chapters 1-5 ar taking so long. NOTHING HAPPENS! But if anyone has any good ideas, read the plot on preview 2 and PM me. Writers block :S

Ella
XOX
I am not talking about the person you would die for. I am talking about to the person you would live for.

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