The One Thing I'll Never Fully Understand

AN: Something I just wrote to get rid of some writer's block...

The One Thing I’ll Never Fully Understand...

Is love.

I am a girl with expectations and goals. I want to live my life the way I want to, with happiness and plenty of friends to be keep me company. Only… There seems to be a requirement for a human to fully function in life without problems. You need to be in love.

Loving your family or friends doesn’t count, as it turns out. You need to have someone, boy or girl, it doesn’t mater, that you love above all else. Someone you have to be dependent on.

You need to have someone that wants you, cares for you, loves you for just being “so damn beautiful.” A person to die with, essentially.

“Damn, you’ve only had one boyfriend?” My friend, Diane, laughed at the idea. “That’s harsh! What, do your parents hate it?”

“It’s not my parents,” I said impatiently, trying to end the conversation. I never liked to talk about love. Too many damn rules. “I just don’t really like anyone yet.”

“But what about Thomas?” She went on. “You guys lasted for a year. You had to have had some pain in your heart.”

“We broke up on mutual terms,” I hissed. “We were being logical, Diane. And no, there was no pain in my ‘fragile’ heart. We just both agreed on it.”

“Right.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the you-poor-child look on her face. I hated when she thought that just because my relationship didn’t last for four years, I was inexperienced when it came to emotions.

“How’s Jake, by the way?” I asked, taking a bite from an apple. It was lunch and we were all alone at our usual spot. “I hear his birthday is tomorrow. What are you getting him?”

“Jake’s great,” Diane squealed. “Our anniversary is coming up and he wants to take me horseback riding this Friday.”

I frowned a bit. Ever since she got with Jake, she’d do anything to be with him. We haven’t hung out on our own for over a year.

“But you said we would hangout that day.”

“Oh, I know, but it’s an anniversary, Alex! You can’t be mad at me for that…”

I set the apple down and crossed my arms. “You said that we would go to the carnival last week and you cancelled on me right at the last minute just to go the café with him! You’re going to cancel on me again, now?”

“Alex, you don’t understand, it an anniversary! The day when we both - ”

“‘Confessed our love for each other’… Yeah, yeah, I know that!” I tried to ignore how her voice sounded so hurt. “Diane, no offense, but when you say you’re in love with Jake, I can’t help but gag.” I moved in my seat uncomfortably. “I’ve known you for what? Four years? You’ve only known Jake for one. That is not enough time for you to know if your in love.”

“It is if you just know,” Diane made vague hand movements, trying to shape the right words. “I mean, it’s me. I think I would know if he was the one, you know?”

“No,” I replied. “I don’t.”

Diane sighed sadly, “That’s because you haven’t been in love yet, Alex.”

There she goes again…

“I mean, if anything,” Diane went on, “you only had mild crushes. It’s not like you’ll know what love is if you haven’t felt it yet.”

“Oh?” I raised my eyebrows at that. “So how does it feel like?”

She looked at me as if I were stupid. “You know!” she said, wrapping her arms around herself. “It’s when you feel like you’re the best, only because one person cares sooo much about you and loves you - ”

“Ah-ah,” I stopped her. “Describe love without using the word. Remember, I don’t know how love feels like.”

She flustered a bit. “It’s when you know everything about someone, and you’re there for them, no matter how hard times are. You do everything in your power to keep that person and you’ll feel… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“It’s hard to describe, Alex - ”

I held up my hand. “I know everything about you, Diane. I was there when you ran away and when your parents wanted to move to Arizona, who was it that talked them out of it, crying and making herself look like a baby? Moi.”

“That’s different-”

“No.” I sighed. “It’s not.” The bell rang, not letting me have the proper conversation with her of what love really felt like. Diane looked at me apologetically and instantly I realized she was doomed from the beginning.

“You’ll know it when you feel it, Alex,” she told me and stood. “Just wait.”
I watched her walk away from me, feeling stripped and bare. It was funny, I thought, that I love a girl who claims to know much about love, but she doesn’t know that I am the one who really loves her.

-End.

Below is my usual in-line review, but before I start I just want to congradulate you on such an intruiging, well-done read.


I am a girl with expectations and goals. I want to live my life the way I want to, with happiness and plenty of friends to be keep me company. Only… There seems to be a requirement for a human to fully function in life without problems. You need to be in love. A good start that compels the reader to go on. Grammar problems at the end of the second sentence- or maybe just an accidental "be"?

Loving your family or friends doesn’t count, as it turns out. You need to have someone, boy or girl, it doesn’t matter, that you love above all else. Someone you have to be dependent on.

You need to have someone that wants you, cares for you, loves you for just being “so damn beautiful.” A person to die with, essentially. I could find nothing wrong with this section- good flow of words, summarising the narrator's feelings without boring the reader.

“Damn, you’ve only had one boyfriend?” My friend, Diane, laughed at the idea. “That’s harsh! What, do your parents hate it?”

“It’s not my parents,” I said impatiently, trying to end the conversation. I never liked to talk about love. Too many damn rules. Haha! Tell me about it! “I just don’t really like anyone yet.”

“But what about Thomas?” She went on. “You guys lasted for a year. You had to have had some pain in your heart.”

“We broke up on mutual terms,” I hissed. “We were being logical, Diane. And no, there was no pain in my ‘fragile’ heart. We just both agreed on it.”

“Right.”
I liked how you demonstrated the two characters ery conflicting opinions in this section.

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the you-poor-child look on her face. I hated when she thought that just because my relationship didn’t last for four years, I was inexperienced when it came to emotions. This paragraph inspires curiostiy, vey well done.

“How’s Jake, by the way?” I asked, taking a bite from an apple. It was lunch and we were all alone at our usual spot. “I hear his birthday is tomorrow. What are you getting him?”

“Jake’s great,” Diane squealed. “Our anniversary is coming up and he wants to take me horseback riding this Friday.”

I frowned a bit. Ever since she got with Jake, she’d do anything to be with him. We haven’t hung out on our own for over a year.
Slowly revealing the narrator's true feelings bit by bit- I like it.

“But you said we would hangout that day.”

“Oh, I know, but it’s an anniversary, Alex! You can’t be mad at me for that…”

I set the apple down and crossed my arms. “You said that we would go to the carnival last week and you cancelled on me right at the last minute just to go the café with him! You’re going to cancel on me again, now?”

“Alex, you don’t understand, it an anniversary! The day when we both - ”

“‘Confessed our love for each other’… Yeah, yeah, I know that!” I tried to ignore how her voice sounded so hurt. “Diane, no offense, but when you say you’re in love with Jake, I can’t help but gag.” I moved in my seat uncomfortably. “I’ve known you for what? Four years? You’ve only known Jake for one. That is not enough time for you to know if your in love.”
Lots of lovely emotion coming through here.

“It is if you just know,” Diane made vague hand movements, trying to shape the right words. “I mean, it’s me. I think I would know if he was the one, you know?”

“No,” I replied. “I don’t.”

Diane sighed sadly, “That’s because you haven’t been in love yet, Alex.”

There she goes again…

“I mean, if anything,” Diane went on, “you only had mild crushes. It’s not like you’ll know what love is if you haven’t felt it yet.”

“Oh?” I raised my eyebrows at that. “So how does it feel like?”

She looked at me as if I were stupid. “You know!” Not sure I like this- why would Diane say "you know" If she's spent the last paragraph describing how Alex doesn't know? she said, wrapping her arms around herself. “It’s when you feel like you’re the best, only because one person cares sooo much about you and loves you - ”

“Ah-ah,” I stopped her. “Describe love without using the word. Remember, I don’t know how love feels like.”

She flustered a bit. “It’s when you know everything about someone, and you’re there for them, no matter how hard times are. You do everything in your power to keep that person and you’ll feel… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”
I can picture Alex's smug expression and Diane's frustration very clearly here.

“It’s hard to describe, Alex - ”

I held up my hand. “I know everything about you, Diane. I was there when you ran away and when your parents wanted to move to Arizona, who was it that talked them out of it, crying and making herself look like a baby? Moi.”

“That’s different-”

“No.” I sighed. “It’s not.” The bell rang, not letting me have the proper conversation with her of what love really felt like. Diane looked at me apologetically and instantly I realized she was doomed from the beginning. Who was doomed? And why? Might want to take antoher look at this.

“You’ll know it when you feel it, Alex,” she told me and stood. “Just wait.”

I watched her walk away from me, feeling stripped and bare. It was funny, I thought, that I love a girl who claims to know much about love, but she doesn’t know that I am the one who really loves her.

A nice, shocking twist to the end. I like that.
To summarise, this is very emotive writing. We can put ourselves in your characters' shoes very easily, something lots of writers struggle with. A slightly cliched scenario, but you've portrayed it well. I'd give this story 7/10, all things considered.

Hey there . I'm The.Dreamwalker and I'm here to review your work.

Okay, so, lets get this show on the road.

Grammar and punctuation

This area was somewhat good. I found that your sentence structure was pretty strong and held a good flow. Some of your sentances had a few grammar issues within them but nothing that can't be fixed with a little rereading. What I want you to think about is maybe lengthening your vocabulary. Add a few more exciting words to make it sound more proffessional.

Plot

You have a very strong plot in this short story which is surprising and interesting. I particularily like the last line which makes everything fall into place. A very concrete idea. The execution, though, was lacking a little which is what I will later speak of.

Setting and Description

In your style writing, this area is usually the one the most forgotten as it doesnt seem very important to the writer. It's all there in your head and you just want to jump into it but in that you have to remember the reader. Give us some accurate ideas of what the school looks like, the lunchroom, her friend, even her. Tell us everything you can about it so we can have a more understanding idea of it all.

Character Development

This area was lacking.

I don't wish to sound so frank but it's easy to get it across that way. Throughout the piece, you made your character sound somewhat ignorant. A few of the things she said were straight of cruel such as:

“Diane, no offense, but when you say you’re in love with Jake, I can’t help but gag.”

This wouldn't usually be said to someone who you believe is very close to you, especially a bestfriend who you are trying to convince to hang out with you more often. You have to make your character sound believable and have a just understanding of the situation or your reader will either get angry or annoyed.

Another big thing is that you decided to go first person with this piece.

First person, as I have said many a times before, takes a great amount of intimate details to create a connection with the reader. This meaning that I want to know everything from what she sees to what she feels. How she thinks to how she speaks to other people in formal and informal ways. This is why setting and description is so important.

So either keep this in first person as is or jump to third and even then you will have to add more on the description frontier.

Overall

Great idea but the execution could use a little work. If you polish it up, though, you have gold .

Is Walking in Death
~The.Dreamwalker

great job! i thought this was a pretty good short story and it would be awesome if you kept writing! i could kind of sort of see that it was heading there, but I wasn't sure until the end. like i said, awesome job! let me know if you keep writing!

Hmmm.....some of it made sense to me, some of it didn't. I can kind of relate to Alex, because I've never been in love either. I also gag when I hear a friend of mine profess her love for a guy she's only been dating for a month. I liked the story line, but it was a little scattered, so if you fixed that it would be great.