Let Me Die

Let Me Die

The whole world's laughing,
Yet I don't understand the joke.
Will somebody please clue me in,
'Cause it's agonizing to be this miserable.

Everybody sees in technicolor,
but I-Only shades of grey.
Please, all I ask is a glimpse,
of this world which I'll never live in.

I try to pretend to be just like them,
But I can not do it.
They all see through my facade,
Me-A poser in every single way.

What's the right thing to do,
When this world is suffocating me,
Clutching me until I run out of gasps.
I can't breathe, I can't live,
Let me die is all I ask.

Hi!!
This is poem is nice, very likeable. I like it, very nice for a begginer. it flows nicely, and some of the rhyme does sound good and flows naturally through the poem. There were parts that should have been revised though, like the second stanza.

Its good and I f I had more time Iwould do a better review.

PUdin

"Let me die" amen to that. Lately I'v been writing a lot of poems Like that too. The poem doesn't have any big problems but you are living in a world who shuts you out and you ask "just le me die" who exactly is the one who is stopping you from dying is it yourself? society? friends? That should help build more emotion into the feeling you are trying to convy. It feels kind of monotone if that is the right word, it is just kind of flat in my mind as far as the emotional feeling. But other than that I really do like this poem, keep 'em up!

Society on the prowl.

Not much I could find in terms of errors -- it's a pretty solid poem.

I love works like this, since they talk about issues affecting everyone all over the world all the time. Nice job, keep on writin'!

I like it.Not my usual taste but its still good.

Thank you so much everybody who reviewed this. It really means a lot to me to hear your opinions. I'll try working on the errors and everything and I really appreciate the nice comments. Thanks!

OK
I like this poem, and totally agree with the point of view of being on the outside looking in. This is really rather like my current story (it's complicated) in which a girl is about to commit suicide because she feels like an outsider.

However, my only crit would be that:

Live wrote:Everybody sees in technicolor,
but I-Only shades of grey.
Please, all I ask is a glimpse,
of this world which I'll never live in.

could maybe be edited? The I-Only is a little odd, so maybe:

Live wrote:Everybody sees in technicolor,
but me? Only shades of grey.
Please, all I ask is a glimpse,
of this world which I'll never live in.

All in all, however, a good poem!
Keep writing!

Pgsgirl x