Her Hearts Greatest Fear( Prologue)Rewrite

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Her Hearts Greatest Fear

~Prologue ~

The dark sky lit up as the thunder rolled and the lightning flashed. The rain was fierce but nothing could compare to the anger she felt inside. Sitting there in the den. By herself, Rochelle took everything into perspective. The only light was the soft glow coming from the fireplace. It cascaded many different shadows off of the walls. Above, on the mantel, there were many fond photos of Ty and her. Their first date, first Christmas, first anniversary. Many of their firsts were up there. But she knew that there would never be a picture of their first betrayal.

Rochelle could not believe what she was holding in her hands. In her left held a typed letter and in the right enclosed pictures of Ty and Cassie. She read the letter over again, ‘Just thought that you should know when he says he is working late or has a meeting with the Foreman, this is what your boyfriend is doing behind your back’.
She looked back at the pictures she could not believe that Ty would betray his promise to her. Yet there he was in bed with his ex fiancé, Cassie.

Rochelle said nothing. She could not believe what she was looking at. She did not want to believe it. Ty was in bed with another woman and not just any woman. She took in a profound breath. She was going to be calm, she was not going to shout, there had to be some sort of explanation for this. She turned around to the sound of a approaching vehicle. Rochelle saw that Ty was pulling into the driveway.

The rain began hammering down even harder as Ty pulled up to the cabin. He knew that Rochelle would still be awake, waiting for him to return home from work. It was calving season down at the Triple R. As it was, Ty was one of the top ranch hands, he was depended on to pull long hours. He knew that Rochelle understood that, so there would be no need to explain why he was late coming home. Ty slowly descended from the truck and up to the front door of their home.

Rochelle was waiting for him in the den in front of the fireplace. Same place that she always was when Ty came home. He kicked his boots off, hung up his coat and hat before strolling to the entrance of the den. Her tear stained face looked up at Ty. He could see that she was clenching something in her hands. He could tell that she had been crying. He did not know why and he was too worn-out to care, but he knew that he had better ask.

“Elle?” He asked. Ty never called her Rochelle. He preferred to use the pet name that he had given her. “What are you looking at over there?”

Rochelle turned her head away and stared deep into the flickering flames. She knew that she had to be strong, she could not show the pain she felt inside. Rochelle turned back towards Ty and took a deep breath.

“I want to know why I got this letter and these pictures in the mail of you and Cassie in bed together?” She whispered.

Ty slumped into the big, leather lounge chair. “What are you talking about?”
“These! Ty.” Rochelle waved the photos in front of his face. “And do not tell me that’s not you, because I can tell that it is by the tattoo!”

“Let me see those!” His voice sounded sceptical as he snatched the photos from her out stretched hand. After studying them for a bit he glanced up at her, his face showing dismay. “Elle this is not what you think!”

“Then what is it Ty? Because it looks, too me as though you were getting some somewhere else. What did you think that just because I was not sleeping with you, that it would be okay to go and sleep with someone else? I was saving myself for our wedding night; we promised each other that we would not do anything like that until we were married. How could you betray your promise to me Ty?”

“I did not betray you Rochelle!”

“Then what are these?” She seized the photos away from Ty’s clenched fist.

“Hell if I know what they are. Pictures. Any one can crop photos now a day’s. You know that.” Ty rose from his chair and stormed over to the fireplace.

Rochelle glared at him. “How dare you claim that these are photo cropped? Especially those of you. No one can find that brand online and you know it. You designed that all on your own and you destroyed the copy of your tattoo, so no one else would use it. Besides, how many people are close enough to your ass to get a picture or a good look of it? Photo cropped, ha! What a load of crock!”

Ty threw his head over his shoulder, and shot her dirty look. “Huh, well then I guess you got a point now don’t you?”

Rochelle could feel the anger welling up inside of her. She tried to stay calm, she tried to restrain herself. But Ty was not denying any of it. Rochelle jumped up from the floor and stared up at Ty’s six foot frame.
“So then you own up to the fact that you slept with her then, after all that we’ve been through? You repulse me Ty; you betrayed me, and you betrayed what I thought that we had together. I am sorry but I cannot be devoted to a man, that breaks his promises and lies to me. ”

Ty reached towards Rochelle. Slowly placed his hand on her cheek. Ty could see the wave of emotions running through her green eyes. He knew that Elle was right. He didn’t deny it. But nor would he admit to it, in any means. Ty brought himself closer to Rochelle. He wanted to hold her in his arms, reassure her that this was all a big mistake. As he leaned into kiss her, Rochelle tore away from him grasp.

“Don’t you dare touch me Tyler Bridge! I don’t want your filthy hands on me. You come home from her arms and expect to touch me? You sick, twisted, demented bastard.” Rochelle furiously snapped.

“What the hell are you talking about? I was at work. It’s calving season for hell’s sake. You know that, phone Benteen if you don’t believe me. I was in that God damn calving pen all damn day, and all night, till I pulled up. You’ve got some nerve accussing me of lieing about my where abouts and whom I was with. Damn rights I was with a female tonight. Actually I was with a multiple of females tonight. You know the four legged, bovine kind!”

Rochelle could feel the rage, dwelling inside her. How dare he mock her. Make a fool out of her. Rochelle stood there clenching her fist, before she could retrace her steps, her hand connected with Ty’s jaw.

Ty stood there rubbing his jaw as Rochelle walk away from the den, still clutching the photos and letter in her hand. Just who the hell did she think she was? Accusing him of sleeping around. Then punching him for stating the truth. If she wants to go then to hell with her.

Rochelle was already at the back door, where her packed suitcases were. She was angry with herself for hitting Ty, but damn it fell good. She finally got to release her fury towards that man. No matter how much Rochelle tried to hate him, deep inside her heart was breaking. God knew that she loved that pig headed man. But leaving him was her only choice. She was not going to stay around and be the perfect little house wife, while he had a whore on the side.

She was expecting to hear Ty walking after her. However, she heard nothing. Rochelle had hoped that he would come after her and tell her that Cassie was just trying to cause shit between them, and that those photos were from when he was engaged to her. However, he did not, he did not deny it, nor did he claim up to it. Rochelle knew that when she walked out this door, she would be walking out of Ty’s life for good.
Last edited by jcawley on Tue Sep 01, 2009 5:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Well dang. I know a lot of situations end up like this. Ah to heck with it, most situations end up like this, at least that I've noticed, when a woman holds out on a man.

I am curious as to if he really did get with Cassie. I am intrigued, and wish to continue reading. I want to know who sent that letter, too. Some kinky stuff if they were close enough to get picks, maybe?

Anyways, to critique:

You jump from her perspective to his. Seems a little awkward to me, especially when it gos from "she knew was that she and Ty were officially over and Cassie could leave her alone." to "He noticed that most of the lights were off except in the den and that Rochelle was standing in front of the fireplace" but that's just my opinion.

However, I think that if you want to keep with the switching, it would be good for the story, so just sharpen it a little more and it will be great (because the story is already good).

As for the last line " Rochelle knew that when she walked out this door, she would be walking out of Ty’s life for good." is it truly the last time they will see each other? It sounds like foreshadowing, but I hope that it isn't just wishful thinking on Rochelle's part. It seems awkward if it is wishful thinking.

Anyways, all in all, a very well written story and I look forward to seeing where it will go.
Silence is a friend who will never betray -- Confucius

Death only comes to those who have truly Fallen --Anonymous




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Hey, welcome to the website :wink:
Okay, in my honest opion I think this has potential but needs work. It's a good way to open a story, but I think we need to ease into the drama a bit. The first paragraph needs more description to set the scene and I don't think we feel Rochelle's emotions enough. It just feels like she's whining at him a bit. To improve this I suggest you play around with her tone of voice, so instead of lots of shouty dialogue, make her tone of voice more hurt, more upset. Make her whisper the accusations then think about how he'll react.

I think Rochelle would be more devestated than just "All she knew was that she and Ty were officially over and Cassie could leave her alone." When someone betrays you it's more complicated than suddenly hating them because part of you is still very much in love with them. Feelings don't just disappear. However, I think you captured this well later on.

To conclude, I'd slow this way down. Tell us more about the situation before Ty enters. Hope I helped, and good luck with your novel :D
Maddy~



There has never been a sadness not cured by breakfast food.
— Ron, Parks & Rec