Slingshot

A mouth
Is a slingshot, stretching
To the point when the stone
Flings. My head bears the marks of these
Rocks thrown.

Hello! Welcome to YWS. We do ask that everyone writes two reviews themselves before posting their own work.

This is an interesting poem. It takes a few reads, which is okay, because it's short - it's a thinking poem, I suppose. A little cryptic. I like the way this flows - 2 syllables in the first line, then six, six again, then eight, then two again. It's short and simple, but the content takes a bit of thinking about. I read it as someone is being hurtful, verbally, the slingshot and the stones being a metaphor for the mouth and the words that come out of it and hit you. There isn't much emotion here though - does it hurt? A little, a lot? I wouldn't want to see this expanded too much because I love the shortness of this piece, but a little more emotion could be good. I love your extended metaphor, though. Keep writing.

carpediem wrote:A mouth
Is a slingshot, stretching
To the point when the stone
Flings. My head bears the marks of these
Rocks thrown.

OK
So the first time I read this, I had no idea what it meant.
But then the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" came to mind, and I suddenly GOT it.
Good style - very unique.
Keep writing!

I like how your poem, like Pgsgirl7 said, is an innovative way of carrying the message of that old saying.

To the point when the stone
Flings. My head bears the marks of these
Rocks thrown.

I think the line should be separated so that 'Flings' stands alone in one line, it kind of gives a sense of action and emphasis as the 'rocks' move.