A week

Sunday
There was a play
About the trillionth time
Romeo and Juliet fell in love
Monday
I saw a gay
He lectured me
About unrequited love
Tuesday
In the middle of May
Reminiscence of
The complications of love
Wednesday
My mood was gray
But that’s okay
Because love is an array
Thursday
Came out to the bay
Mostly couples on dates
Love was in my mind
Friday
I got my pay
All for me
And not a cent for love
Saturday
She would not stay
Although I may
Make her put on a play

Okay, I'm Vernon and I'll be reviewing this poem. Okay, firstly, lets begin by saying, layout is interestings makes me think of the poem for remembering days of the weeks about Solomon Grunde. Now lets begin.

Sunday
There was a play
About the trillionth time
Romeo and Juliet fell in love

This is a great way to start ripping part a now contrived cliche. It gets tiring hearing about this comparison in a poem, so ripping it apart is great.

Monday
I saw a gay
He lectured me
About unrequited love

This is an interesting jump, I've no idea how ya got from this to that. I'm hoping it'll be all revealed or understod. So far it seems your showing how other people see love, the cliche or the ones ostrasized because who they love.

Tuesday
In the middle of May
Reminiscence of
The complications of love

WHOA! Contrived much?! This is so forced, it's like slamming into a bus, it doesn't fit the style of the rest of the poem, it sounds pretty for the sake of being pretty, rewrite this bit here.

Wednesday
My mood was gray
But that’s okay
Because love is an array

What's with the rhyming here? It not in any other bit of the poem, and why is it array, you say that, but just use it for the sake of imagery. And why was your mood grey, tell us why? Don't jsut say statements without at least giving the reader a clue, sheesh!

Thursday
Came out to the bay
Mostly couples on dates
Love was in my mind

Now we're back to the pattern, why? I don't know, it kinda vanished two stanza ago then comes back? Why did it go? Why did it come back? Is this some sorta cliff hanger? Why? You lack unity in this, it's lost what it was about because of the two stanzas before.

Friday
I got my pay
All for me
And not a cent for love

Okay, I've lost interst now... I've no idea where this is going anymore, the concept to begin intriqued, even the format, but now you've just lost me... This staza doesn't make sense with the rest of the poem. Now, let me state this clearer! UNITY! You lack it, it's absolutely dismal, it depresses me, because it began so so well.

Saturday
She would not stay
Although I may
Make her put on a play

Hello, making sense man, does this make sense in any context, no? Okay. I'm sorry I'm so harsh, but, you had a great idea, a great layout even, you just destroyed it, and then you just kept stabbing the mutilated remains, why!

VSN

Hey Acta, love the idea, here's just some little comments~

Sunday
There was a play
About the trillionth time
Romeo and Juliet fell in love

• Let me get this straight, the play was about Romeo and Juliet's trillionth time falling in love, or the play was the trillionth time a couple like Romeo and Juliet fell in love? Which one? Because if it was the first one, than it would make sense, but if you meant the second it doesn't.

Tuesday
In the middle of May
Reminiscence of
The complications of love

• This stanza makes it feel like you're telling the reader to reminisce about the complications of love. To make it feel like you, add something like "I reminisce of...etc"

Wednesday
My mood was gray
But that’s okay
Because love is an array

• An array of what?

Saturday
She would not stay
Although I may
Make her put on a play

• I laughed when I got here. It seems very juvenile the way you set this up. Also, the chipper-sounding rhyme took the poem out of character. I suggest completely redoing this line because the last line tends to stick with readers. Don't have them remember something like this. It's just too random and it seems like a line from another poem stuck on this one with scotch tape.

---

The thing that I really liked about this poem was how you set up the stanza with the days of the week.

Just clean up this poem, make it more clear to the reader what you're trying to say. This poem seems very light-hearted by the vagueness and the passages clipped short at the end really mess up the mood and flow. Otherwise, it's really sweet and meaningful.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

Hello, Adam! Here with a review, quite obviously. Just... brace yourself, maybe?

There was a play
About the trillionth time
Romeo and Juliet fell in love

Okay. Love what you've got going on here. Because, really, Romeo and Juliet is far too overused. But I'm not sure if you intentionally meant that they fell in love a trillion time? I guess in context, that could work, but I'd change it around to be "There was a play for the trillionth time about the time Romeo and Juliet fell in love" or something.

I saw a gay
He lectured me
About unrequited love

Did you mean 'gay' or 'guy'? Because I don't exactly get what his sexual preference has to do with this poem. Maybe just change it to 'guy'?

In the middle of May
Reminiscence of
The complications of love

Here's another thing I don't get the relevance of. What does the middle of may have to do with anything? Sure it sounds nice, but it's pointless. Give us something that matters.

My mood was gray
But that’s okay
Because love is an array

So. Your mood was grey. Why? What happened? And what exactly do you mean by 'love is an array'? How does this make your day better? I just want you to think about the things you're writing. Don't just slap it down and expect it to make sense.

She would not stay
Although I may
Make her put on a play

Okay. So. This ending kind of lives us going "... uh...". Because this isn't exactly... an ending. It's an idea that needs to be explained, but isn't. Why will you make her put on a play? And what exactly is this play? You must clarify!

The thing about poetry is that there's lots of room to be mysterious. Most poets rarely flat out say what they mean, but say it subtly. Sometimes almost too subtly to see. I think that a lot of people, when writing poetry, think that they can just write something random and expect it to be okay because there's some sort of meaning behind it. I do that too, sometimes. But it all depends on how it's written. A reader can tell if there's some deeper meaning to a line than what meets the eyes. A reader can also tell when there's not a deeper meaning. That's how I feel here. When you say "Although I may make her put on a play", there's not some huge symbolism. Like I said before, it's just an unfinished thought.

But anyway. There's some very important points I'd like to touch on here, that above being one of them. The other two:

-Capitalization: This is a big problem with people who've just began poetry (and unfortunately, some who've been doing it for a while). Common thought is that every line, the first letter has to be capitalized. In example:

Pretty much
Like this,
You see?

But this where you are wrong, my friend. Not every first letter of a line has to be capitalized. Why? Okay. Let's put that example into sentence form directly from the poem form. It would read "Pretty much Like this, You see?" So, as you've noticed, most people don't Randomly capitalize Words here and There unless they're kind of Weird. That's how poetry is. In most instances, a poem should sort of read like a story, in the way it's punctuated and capitalized. So, take your first stanza and make it so it read like a story. It'd look like:

There was a play
about the trillionth time
Romeo and Juliet fell in love.

See the difference? Now change the rest of the stanzas yourself.

-Rhyming: So, this is what's kind of weird with the poem, here. Some stanzas, the last word in each line rhyme. Grey, okay, array. But them other stanza's have no apparent rhyming scheme at all. So I'd suggest you either make them all rhyme or make none of them rhyme.

-Pattern: Something I noticed throughout the poem is that the last line of nearly each stanza ends in 'love'. But there are a few that aren't. Was that intentional? Because, again, it looks like you were just trying to do something but it didn't work out too well.

So those are the things I wanted to touch on. These being said, I really do love the bare bones of this poem. The layout (each day of the week, sort of like a journal almost) was an excellent idea. I'd just like to see you do more with it. I don't think that three lines per stanza is getting your message across enough. The whole meaning of your poem is a little bit muddy. So don't be afraid to add some lines to it. Embellish! Elaborate! Give us more of your thoughts, your emotions on this. I think you'll have something good if you do.

-Holly